Am I crazy?

lifeonthehill · October 2013

H wanted to pay off all loans and have an e fund of about 10 grand before we started TTC. We have made real progress but I feel ready for a child. We have 3 in savings and will have 19,000 left on loans on the 15th.
We live at a boarding school with incredible job security for both of us and completing his baby bucket list would only take about 18 months.
Should I stifle these feelings and continue with the plan instead or should I talk to him?
I feel like I'm crazy for even thinking of kids with 19,000 dollars of debt and only 3 grand in the bank.

brij2006 · October 2013

I would definitely have a conversation with him about how you are feeling. Whether you decide to suppress the feelings for a while longer and pay off the debt, or maybe he is in the same place as you right now and was afraid to say something.

You wouldn't be the first person who decided to change their initial "plans," and go for it.

Here's a little bit of our story:

A year ago I got off of BC because it was really messing with my body. We decided that we would use condoms for a while until we could do Natural Family Planning. In the meantime we would focus on paying down our student loans, and doing some upgrades on our house. About 3 months after getting off BC, I wasn't getting periods and started seeing my Dr to try and figure out what was wrong. He ran some tests, and we found out I have PCOS and do not ovulate on my own. We were warned that it could take us a long time to conceive, and we may need medical assistance to do so. So at that time we decided that we would focus on paying down our debt, but we would begin TTC. We can afford all of the bills that a child brings, but we just thought we would feel better if our student loans were paid down beforehand. But when we were told this, we knew that having a child was more important than waiting to TTC just to find out we would need a lot of treatments. We were fortunate enough to conceive last month on our first round of Clomid. Our student loans are not paid off, but we are able to pay extra toward them every month, on top of raising a child. So we felt that as long as we were in a good financial state to afford what was ahead of us, then we would go ahead and start. Even though our plan was to wait the 3 years to pay off everything but our mortgage.

vlagrl29 · October 2013

no you are NOT crazy. I would want one too, you will never be ready if you always keep money first. I still have $35,000 in my student loans and the interest is 2.85% fixed so I'm not in a HUGE hurry to pay it off now.

DH and I got pregnant shortly after I got laid off because I was on cobra for 16 months and DH's insurance didn't have maternity on it because we are self employed. So we took advantage of the situation. Most people probably wouldn't recommend that but it was the best time for us.

HoneyBee973 · October 2013

Not crazy. Talk to your husband, like PP said, he might be ready to TTC also.

vlagrl29 · October 2013

I would definitely talk to him as well. you guys don't have a mortgage so you can view your loans as your mortgage. Not many people have zero debt when they have kids although that would be awesome. Don't forget you can still pay your bills off after the kid comes. We have paid 3 bills off since DD was born.

Ducktale · October 2013

As long as you can comfortably afford your loan payments, bills, AND the added cost of a baby, then paying off student loans is not necessary before TTC. However, IMO 3k in savings is not enough. L&D costs could easily be more than that, not to mention other unexpected expenses, and that would wipeout your savings. If having a baby soon is important to you, I would get agressive with your savings. That being said, if it were me, 18 months is not that long to wait and I have a tendency toward financial security, so if I were that close to being debt free, I'd probably wait (as is exactly what we're doing now). But once you do TTC, at a minimum you wold have 9 months before baby arrives (longer if you don't get Pg right away) so that's more time to save.

hoffse · October 2013

Ducktale said:

As long as you can comfortably afford your loan payments, bills, AND the added cost of a baby, then paying off student loans is not necessary before TTC. However, IMO 3k in savings is not enough. L&D costs could easily be more than that, not to mention other unexpected expenses, and that would wipeout your savings. If having a baby soon is important to you, I would get agressive with your savings. That being said, if it were me, 18 months is not that long to wait and I have a tendency toward financial security, so if I were that close to being debt free, I'd probably wait (as is exactly what we're doing now). But once you do TTC, at a minimum you wold have 9 months before baby arrives (longer if you don't get Pg right away) so that's more time to save.

This. Granted, you will have 9 months after conceiving to work on getting your savings built up, but before you get pregnant, I would take a look at average costs of having a baby. I do think you should keep an open dialogue about this with your H though. There's no reason not to talk about it - but do add up costs of L&D (call your insurance and get explicit info about what will and won't be covered, not just for you but for baby also), the cost of setting up a nursery, and the must have baby gear in case you don't have a shower or don't receive those items beforehand.

H and I have been talking about this (we're probably a couple years away but we've been thinking about starting earlier). We estimate that "start up" costs will probably run us in the $8K - $10K range if we bought everything retail and only went "cadillac" on a few select baby gear items (ie: pump, stroller, etc). It can be less than this if you are willing to shop for deals, but we'd rather overestimate than underestimate. Our insurance is decent but doesn't cover everything.

Also take into account increased health insurance premiums and daycare if that's something you and your H would be using. These costs can vary a lot, so call around to get a sense of what sort of financial commitment you would be looking at. Also consider things like additional savings for yourself, the cost of getting a good life insurance policy (necessary), whether you would want to save for baby's college fund starting at birth, etc.

Wulfgar · October 2013

Once you get pregnant you will have about 9 months to finish paying off debt and to work on a savings plan. Since you only have 19k left in debt, I would talk with your husband and see if you can't TTC once you have the debt paid off so that you can save up while TTC and going through the pregnancy.

lifeonthehill · October 2013

Thanks everyone. We talked last night and decided to pay off debt before we TTC and then save the money while we are trying/are pregnant.

orangehills · October 2013

I think that sounds smart. You don't want to put it off too long, but you definitely want a good e-fund before kids. I know way too many people who had things go wrong during pregnancy/birth and they needed a lot of money to get through it all, insurance doesn't cover everything. And babies are just really expensive if they are healthy, let alone if anything were to go wrong. Sounds depressing I know, but I think it's smart to think of all possibilities and try to be as prepared as possible.

CuriousKiddosMama · October 2013

I am just going to ditto what PP said about calling insurance to find out exactly what it may cost you- but even then you may have to call the Dr/hospital to get a better idea. We got 1 surprise bill- I ended up with a c-section and the surprise bill came from the second Dr. in the delivery room. He wasn't covered by my insurance and so he alone cost more than the rest of my entire hospital stay. Also, remember that your little one will be billed as a separate person, so you will have another deductible to pay, plus whatever you will owe for his/her care.

Mom987 · October 2013

I'd say something, and you could probably compromise on timing. Remember you never know if it could take one month or 12+ months to get pregnant, and once you do, there's a long wait to save and prepare while you're pregnant.

I got pregnant unexpectedly at age 23 and we've been smart and now have two kids at 26 and financially secure.

moonprincessd · October 2013

Get out of debt before having a child.

savvyduofp · October 2013

First off, I think it's awesome that you are building an emergency fund and that you are making progress towards being debt free!

I can also understand your husband's feelings. However, most of us these days have some debt even if it's just low interest student loans. If everyone waited until their financial life was perfect, no one would be having kids.

I think the most important part of being financially ready to have a baby is having smart money habits. You pay your bills on time, you're not taking on new credit card debt, and you have a realistic lifestyle for your budget. You must be able to live below your income if you ever want to be successful financially.

It sounds like you and your husband are on the right track. You just need to continue to communicate and review your finances together regularly. Best wishes!

hoffse · October 2013

savvyduofp said:

First off, I think it's awesome that you are building an emergency fund and that you are making progress towards being debt free!

I can also understand your husband's feelings. However, most of us these days have some debt even if it's just low interest student loans. If everyone waited until their financial life was perfect, no one would be having kids.

I think the most important part of being financially ready to have a baby is having smart money habits. You pay your bills on time, you're not taking on new credit card debt, and you have a realistic lifestyle for your budget. You must be able to live below your income if you ever want to be successful financially.

It sounds like you and your husband are on the right track. You just need to continue to communicate and review your finances together regularly. Best wishes!

I agree with this 100%. Being "debt free," while certainly a fabulous goal, isn't always realistic before having children. H and I, together, have around $200K in student loan debt from our law school education... or we will once he graduates in May. That sounds like a lot, but with our jobs it's not that bad, actually. For two lawyers, it's actually pretty good - many of our lawyer friends have that much student debt or more as single folks. H and I save what we need to save for retirement; we pay all our other bills on time; we save for an e-fund and a house down payment; we save for travel; and we even pre-pay our student loans to some degree. We should have them paid off within 8-10 years after he graduates, whereas most lawyers go on the 30-year plan. But if we waited that long to have a kid, I'd be worried about my age (I'm 27 right now).

I think as long as you're prepared for the added expense of having a baby, then there's nothing wrong with proceeding before you're completely debt free. And let's not forget that a mortgage is a debt - so anybody who buys a house right before having a baby is very likely in debt and will continue to be in debt until after that baby graduates from college. I think it's about managing your debt, income, savings, and general cash flow. Once you have that balance right, then trying to have a baby is a great step to take.

Sisugal · October 2013

What are you doing to further the speed of payoffs for these loans?
Since you do not have housing costs, how have you trimmed your current spending to get rid of the debt?
You definitely NEED a good emergency fund of 6 months expenses (assume your DH loses his job and now you need to rent etc)
IF the SL is at a low interest rate, I would pay it down to at least 10K then consider kids, while you continue to pay more than required each month.

lifeonthehill · October 2013

Thanks everyone for the responses.

I am working two jobs currently and we are putting all of my money to loans while his checks go to the rest of our lives as well as helping with loans. We are able to put up about 2,500 a month on the loans now that I have a second job. Unfortunately we are out of things to sell and ways to cut back. We don't eat out except for once a month or so and we do not shop. I had to get a new pair of pants for work and it just about killed me. Haha.

We have talked and agreed to start TTC after the loans are paid off and to save money while we wait to become pregnant/are pregnant. It is important to both of us to be free of the student loan debt first even though sometimes it feels so far away. The new plan puts us at TTC in 12 months instead of 18 and is making me feel much better.

Am I crazy?

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