God Parents. (long - ish?)

AshleyMatt1215 · October 2013

Help.

DH's family is all about God Parents. In mine they don't exist. To be honest, I don't even know what' they do and we don't attend church, ever. We talked about it in length yesterday on the way to our niece's birthday party and came to the conclusion that to save us from hearing about it for the next 18 years from H's family we would have them, but under our terms, much like our wedding wasn't in a church, but we used a minister. Our Christening won't be held in a church and won't be completed by a minister of a specific denomination.

I asked H what a God parent does, he explained it to me, but I'm still lost. To him they're responsible for almost being a second set of parents to our child and they help us to raise the child in God's eyes and with God's values. I get that part.

...but isn't that our job? When I was baptized my parents agreed to raise me as a Christian and with Christian values.

H is our niece's Godfather and we've agreed to raise her as her parents would should something happen to them, we would get custody of her.

We've narrowed it down to a few couples that we're really close with and we know would raise our child like we would should the horrible happen to us. We haven't asked any of them yet, obviously.

So, I guess my question is... in your family what does a Godparent do? How do you even approach this subject?

Thanks ladies, this is my official first semi freak out of parenthood. No big deal, I'm only picking people that would be huge influences in our child's life...

brij2006 · October 2013

In our family, a Godparent is there for the baptism and will take over if anything were to happen to that child's parents.

My Godmother passed away when I was 2, and my Godfather has remained a huge part of my life (not as a 2nd parent). A few months before my wedding, he even called to see if there was anything I wanted at/in my wedding that he could financially assist with. I talk to him at least once a month, but he's also my uncle and someone my parents are very close with.

Honestly, if you do not go to church and do not believe in that, then I wouldn't have one. But I would definitely have it written in your Will, who gets your child in the event anything were to happen to the both of you. I don't think there is anything wrong with not having one.

AshleyMatt1215 · October 2013

It's not that we don't believe, it's more that we just disagree with so much that is said in regards to the usual topics (gay marriage, abortion... ) that we can't go and have a clear mind about it all. It would be very disrespectful to the church for me to sit there and pretend to agree with everything and H refuses to go because of how a family member was treated for being gay.

So, we just kind of do our own thing, we pray on our own and we try to be good people.

I probably should have said that to begin with.

vitan · October 2013

In my family/culture, Godparents are a big deal. you basically choose someone that you not only want your child to be most like but would step in should something happen to you and/or your spouse. I am a Godparent and have Godparents for our DD. Choosing Godparents for our DD was the hardest. we don't seem to have great role models

But being a Godparent is awesome. Even though my Goddaughter lives far from me, I keep in touch with her family (my friend) and send cards. It's also to keep her religious morals as part of her upbringing.

I agree with the pp that said if you aren't doing a religious ceremony (we had Catholic ceremonies), I don't see the point in doing it. It seems your inlaws want the religious portion of it and if you're not gung ho with it, then oh well. My BIL did not baptize his daughters and it drives my MIL crazy but it isn't her deal to dictate.

brij2006 · October 2013

If that's the case, then I would probably still have them. Mostly to make the IL's happy. But I would choose someone who has similar religious views as you do. You believe, but don't agree with every aspect of religion. So you probably want to raise your child in the same respect. I would just make sure to choose someone who believes the same, or at least has a similar view on religion as you do.

AshleyMatt1215 · October 2013

It really is to keep the family happy, most H's grandmother. She barely accepted me when she found out that I wasn't Catholic and wasn't too thrilled that we weren't married in a church. Despite it was by a minister... now she's fine with it and has moved on to hassling my SIL about not begin married and having a baby.

The christening will be by a minister, just not a minister of a specific denomination and will take place outside in a local park.

The one couple we'd like to ask is religious and have the same views/values we have. The other couples aren't as religious, but have the same values/views as we have.

PinkinProvence · October 2013

In my family, Godparents are not the same as guardians set up in a will in the case of parents death (and it would not be legally binding unless set up in a will anyway.) This becomes especially important because each sibling has different Godparents and of course, siblings would stay together. Also,our Godparents were always 1 from mom's side and 1 from dad's side and not a couple so legal guardianship wouldn't work!

To me, although Godparents can and might play a religious, spiritual role in a child's life, it is more about picking someone who you know will love your child and you would like to honor and solidify that bond. It is almost like picking a MOH and Best Man for your child's life.

Oh and Godparents buy you a better and special present for your birthday than all your other relatives

bobcee · October 2013

PinkinProvence said:
In my family, Godparents are not the same as guardians set up in a will in the case of parents death (and it would not be legally binding unless set up in a will anyway.) This becomes especially important because each sibling has different Godparents and of course, siblings would stay together. Also,our Godparents were always 1 from mom's side and 1 from dad's side and not a couple so legal guardianship wouldn't work!

To me, although Godparents can and might play a religious, spiritual role in a child's life, it is more about picking someone who you know will love your child and you would like to honor and solidify that bond. It is almost like picking a MOH and Best Man for your child's life.

Oh and Godparents buy you a better and special present for your birthday than all your other relatives

all of this
Haha at the last part, but it does seem to be true in our family as well.

BackseatDriver · October 2013

I am a Godparent, and from what I understand the purpose is specifically to help give spiritual guidance and help the child come to understand the teachings and values of the church (per the priest). There is no obligation or expectation that you would be a guardian to the child if something were to happen to the parents- that is a different legal matter. Although I am the Godmother, someone other than my DH is the Godfather so as Godparents we don't even have the ability to parent the child together.

We are not planning to raise our child in any particular religion so we are not having a baptism or appointing Godparents.

JLyn821 · October 2013

PinkinProvence said:

In my family, Godparents are not the same as guardians set up in a will in the case of parents death (and it would not be legally binding unless set up in a will anyway.) This becomes especially important because each sibling has different Godparents and of course, siblings would stay together. Also,our Godparents were always 1 from mom's side and 1 from dad's side and not a couple so legal guardianship wouldn't work!

To me, although Godparents can and might play a religious, spiritual role in a child's life, it is more about picking someone who you know will love your child and you would like to honor and solidify that bond. It is almost like picking a MOH and Best Man for your child's life.

Oh and Godparents buy you a better and special present for your birthday than all your other relatives

This is kind of how Godparents are in my family. DH didn't even know who his Godparents were until we asked my MIL. I, on the other hand, have a great relationship with my Godparents and we make a special point to talk often. I want this to be how our children relate to their Godparents.

I totally agree with the "Godparents buy you a better and special present for your birthday". So true! My Godparents totally STILL do this. My Godfather and his wife don't have any children and I think myself and his other Godchild are his beneficiaries. As for my Godmother...she's the woman I'm closest to in my family with the exception of my mom. But even then, there are things I'll tell my Godmother that I'm not comfortable talking with my mom about. Godparents are a big deal in my family.

liall09 · October 2013

madeline10L said:

In my family our godparents are different than the couple that would have taken custody of us if my parents were to pass away. In all honesty, my godparents didn't really affect my religious education all that much.

This exactly. My sister just happens to be A's godmother and her guardian if something happens to us. I have three godchildren and I feel that I should make sure that their parents are raising them in the faith, but for many people it's just a title bestowed upon someone they respect.

God Parents. (long - ish?)

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