Should i forgive or should i go???

nannycoe · October 2013

My fiance and I have been have 2 kids 1 daughter 1 son, when we first met he was a complete angel he catered to me and wanted to give me everything. He acted as though he had to have me.. We got engaged Feb 14 2012 and in April 2012 we began contracting overseas. The goals buy a nice house,money for our beach wedding, and maybe a year after work on a third baby... This all sounds great right?? ok heres the thing im 3 years older and mature then him.. Since we have been over here i have caught him talking with other girls on facebook, textplus, and even oovoo and have even threaten to leave him. This went on for several months. I have 2 kids at home and if i want to play games i can do so with them not a grown man.. Things have gotten waaaaaay better with prayer and support but theres still that i wonder who hes texting or talking to phase i go through every now and then... I have forgiven him but its honestly hard to forget because its like you waited until we were away from home and family to show another side of yourself.. Im affraid that it may happen in the marriage, I love him with my soul and he thanks me all the time for staying and so called helping him grow buuuutttt.. I know men and women do dumb stuff all the time but i mean WE"RE ENGAGED how do you just push that to the side.

kss20 · October 2013

Were his texts/calls/whatever flirtatious or sexual? Or were these women just friends of his. I don't see a problem with his actions from this description.

How long were you together before you got engaged? Have you done any sort of counseling?

artbyallie · October 2013

1. How old are you both? I'm guessing pretty young if three years makes so much difference.

2. Ditto PP, 'talking with other girls' how? A good deal of H's friends are women, and I am not threatened by it because while he does flirt, he doesn't ever actually intend to get into anyone's pants but mine.

3. It's quite easy to push an engagement aside if you realize you're incompatible. Much harder to do that once you're married. End it now and save the expense of divorce.

TarponMonoxide · October 2013

nannycoe said:

My fiance and I have been have 2 kids 1 daughter 1 son, when we first met he was a complete angel he catered to me and wanted to give me everything.

Never have kids minus the benefit of marriage. It makes a relationship all the more difficult.

Sure he was a complete angel! They call this the infatuation stage --- plus it's horniness and hormones racing. You know that all a guy thinks about when he dates is how to get into her pants. So there ya go.

He acted as though he had to have me.. We got engaged Feb 14 2012 and in April 2012 we began contracting overseas.

This is now October 10, 2013, over a year and a half later. Why wasn't there a date set?

The reason could be legitimate, maybe not. Maybe there was no date set at all. Backstory about the engagement but no marriage as of now would be great.

The goals buy a nice house,money for our beach wedding, and maybe a year after work on a third baby... This all sounds great right?? ok heres the thing im 3 years older and mature then him..

How old are you? You sound like young 20s or maybe 24 tops.

Since we have been over here i have caught him talking with other girls on facebook, textplus, and even oovoo and have even threaten to leave him.

Who are these girls? Do you know them? Are they high school friends or somebody he previously was acquainted with? And what are these conversations like?

If they are all signed "Love ya" or "love"? Meaningless. That's a term that gets thrown around a lot. It's almost like a standard closing to a letter, a note, a text, etc.

This went on for several months. I have 2 kids at home and if i want to play games i can do so with them not a grown man..

Why kids minus marriage was not a good idea.

Things have gotten waaaaaay better with prayer and support but theres still that i wonder who hes texting or talking to phase i go through every now and then... I have forgiven him but its honestly hard to forget because its like you waited until we were away from home and family to show another side of yourself.. Im affraid that it may happen in the marriage, I love him with my soul and he thanks me all the time for staying and so called helping him grow buuuutttt.. I know men and women do dumb stuff all the time but i mean WE"RE ENGAGED how do you just push that to the side.

We still have no backstory.

If the texts are highly sexual in nature or there are naked photos or other compromising images involved, tell this guy to get lost. See an attorney for child support and child visistation; see one also if you and he own joint property or joint assets.

I don't know why you are still on a holding pattern with him regarding marriage. That's the big kicker. No need to wait until you get home -- and even so, where's the date for said marriage??? That is pretty telling in itself.

GilliC · October 2013

Where are you working? Some overseas assignments can be extremely stressful and lead to an extremely high rate of marital strain. On my first overseas assignment, 8 of the 10 couples on our team had marital issues and 3 of them were divorced by the end of the first year. It was a huge catalyst for anything that was not quite right under the surface.

ReturnOfKuus · October 2013

Go.

doeydo · October 2013

Go to couples counselling and talk about this. Then, if you still really can't forgive him and you will constantly worry what he is doing, leave.

hindsight's_a_biotch · October 2013

You don't trust him, for good reason. Why on earth do you want to marry this man? Put aside what he's doing now. Please explain to me why you are holding out for this dude.

imoan1001 · October 2013

What is there to love with "all your soul"? He obviously doesn't feel the same about you.

hindsight's_a_biotch · October 2013

I'm probably going to get flamed for this but there are only two reasons a man has more than one child with a woman and hasn't married her.

1) He doesn't want to get married.

2) He doesn't want to marry you.

Add in the texting someone else and

imoan1001 · October 2013

ITA, Hindsight. Planning a THIRD with someone who wont marry you after two? Kids take more work and energy than a marriage. If he's willing to have 3 kids with you and no marriage... he's never planning on giving you a ring. I know it hurts... but at this point, be honest with yourself or just keep looking like the fool who's squealing to her friends about her potential wedding day. All your friends know it's never going to happen. Hell, YOU know it's never going to happen. Now's the time to admit it to yourself and move on from this sad sack.

Should i forgive or should i go???

Re: Should i forgive or should i go???

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