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My Husbands brother in law

My Husband brother in law was disliked my my MIL and FIL. He is a former drug addict, couldn't hold a job till he reached his late 30's, his mother is a drug addict, and he constantly talks like the comical stereotype of a Hippie. I grew to dislike him because of personal space and more. Our first meeting he told me I had a dark soul and about his numerous suicide attempts...which was just uncomfortable for a first meeting. His lack of personal space continued. He constantly licks his finger and sticks it in my ear which leads to horrible ear infections due to my horrible eczema. He keeps touching my belly telling me my H and I need to "create life". He has a creepy close relationship with his mom, he spoons with her. He also will say very politically incorrect offensive things, I've called him out once on this. I seem to be the only one now that dislikes him because he and my SIL just had a child. I can't handle this man but my H family is upset I avoid him but even if I try to kindly say "he just makes me uncomfortable" they say I'm overreacting. Should I be blunt and tell them the actual reasons why or stick to what I've been doing...only seeing him on holidays?

Re: My Husbands brother in law

  • Ugh. I don't blame you.

    Your H and you need to be a united front on this. Where is he in this issue? You both need to create boundaries with creepy BIL and stick to them.
  • While you have a BIL issue, you have a weak ass IN LAW issue - because these people would rather make you uncomfortable than deal with the fall out of their Son in law.  

    Why do you care if they are upset with you, since they do not care about your feelings?

    Stop going to any event that he is at.  If your DH cannot support you in your quest to not be touched by someone else, then HE is as big of a douche as the rest of them. 

    A husband's job is to support and protect his wife.  So unless DH is getting some sort of jollies watching some other man touch his wife, then he needs to step up. 
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  • edited October 2013
    My Husband brother in law was disliked my my MIL and FIL. He is a former drug addict, couldn't hold a job till he reached his late 30's, his mother is a drug addict, and he constantly talks like the comical stereotype of a Hippie. I grew to dislike him because of personal space and more. Our first meeting he told me I had a dark soul and about his numerous suicide attempts...which was just uncomfortable for a first meeting. His lack of personal space continued. He constantly licks his finger and sticks it in my ear which leads to horrible ear infections due to my horrible eczema. He keeps touching my belly telling me my H and I need to "create life". He has a creepy close relationship with his mom, he spoons with her. He also will say very politically incorrect offensive things, I've called him out once on this. I seem to be the only one now that dislikes him because he and my SIL just had a child. I can't handle this man but my H family is upset I avoid him but even if I try to kindly say "he just makes me uncomfortable" they say I'm overreacting. Should I be blunt and tell them the actual reasons why or stick to what I've been doing...only seeing him on holidays?
    Where is your H when all of this is going on????

    Does he man up and tell this creep to eff off? Looks like he hasn't done a thing to keep him away from you, or to tell this creep to get lost.

    Nor has he cut this guy out of your lives.

    Cut this guy out of your life. He sounds like a jerk.

    If he makes you uncomfortable, you and your H need to stick together as a team and eliminate this guy from your life. And to hell with what his family says.

    Comical stereotype of a hippie, no (and not all hippies were dopers). Addictive personality due to his mother, yes.

    Why the hell are you close enough to him for him to TOUCH you, let alone let him put his finger in your ear and touch your belly?

    Get rid of contact with him --- and if your H does not agree with you vehemently, rethink your H. He is, then, as big a creep as this horrible man is.
  • Are you serious? I cannot imagine DH standing around while anyone was touching me like that. Stay away from him and never let your children around him (assuming you plan to have any). Your husband needs to be on your side, period. 
    image Nicholas loved for 28 weeks, 4/11/10
    Baby Boy loved for 15 weeks, 5/31/11
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  • Ummmm, no. You tell him "Please don't touch me." next time he tries to stick his finger in your ear or tries to touch your belly. 

    Tell H you're going to do this. He should back you up. Of he doesn't, you have a H problem.

    Otherwise, walk away and don't be shy to tell him "no" when he comes near you. If you have to yell "Stop!"...do it. This is beyond weird. No one has a right to touch you if you don't want them to. Period. 

    I don't like being randomly touched, so I totally get it. He sounds like a creep. Don't let him get away with it.
  • Thanks everyone! I have to be much more vocal with my H's BIL and his unwelcome behavior. In all honesty this is just one of the issues I've found in facing my H's family. It really makes me so thankful for my family! Silver lining right? :)
  • Thanks everyone! I have to be much more vocal with my H's BIL and his unwelcome behavior. In all honesty this is just one of the issues I've found in facing my H's family. It really makes me so thankful for my family! Silver lining right? :)

    Not only do you need to be more vocal, but ultimately YOUR H needs to be vocal and put a stop to this nonsense. He should not be sitting back and allowing this to happen because it is not right.


     

  • Thanks everyone! I have to be much more vocal with my H's BIL and his unwelcome behavior. In all honesty this is just one of the issues I've found in facing my H's family. It really makes me so thankful for my family! Silver lining right? :)
    I don't recall you answering the question of what your H's reaction is when BIL is touching you or being an all-around creep.
    fiizzlee = vag ** fiizzle = peen ** Babies shouldn't be born wit thangs ** **They're called first luddz fo' a reason -- mo' is supposed ta come after. Yo Ass don't git a medal fo' marryin yo' prom date. Unless yo ass is imoan. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Then yo ass git a all-expenses paid cruise ta tha Mediterranean n' yo ass git ta hook up Jared Padalecki on tha flight over while bustin yo' jammies. But still no medal.
  • My H didn't see his BIL touch me but his family did, the just agreed that I should "create life" and didn't acknowledge his hand placement.
  • My H didn't see his BIL touch me but his family did, the just agreed that I should "create life" and didn't acknowledge his hand placement.

    Was he not in the room when this happened? Seriously if that happened I would have flipped out...especially if his family saw and did nothing.
  • He was in another conversation and room. His BIL came over and started saying "our auras are bright colors, we'd create bright aura, we should create life" about my H and I...he finished his sentence by touching my stomach. I just glared at him and scooted away but I honestly wanted to scream but the last time I told him not to put his damn fingers in my ear (wet willy) my MIL, FIL, and SIL all made a point to tell me I over reacted. Ugh I really can't stand them but I feel awful saying that! I want to like them, or maybe I just want them to be like-able.
  • Putting his wet finger in your ear is really inappropriate and if he did that to me, he would get told off so harshly he wouldn't even attempt it again! That would make me rage, seriously.

    The belly touching is wrong too but for some reason the ear thing is disgusting to me. He sounds like a real creep. In this case, your H should absolutely draw the line there but you should too. No one should be allowed to touch you like that and if your ILs are all so ridiculous that they don't back you up, do it anyway. This is over the line!!!
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  • He was in another conversation and room. His BIL came over and started saying "our auras are bright colors, we'd create bright aura, we should create life" about my H and I...he finished his sentence by touching my stomach. I just glared at him and scooted away but I honestly wanted to scream but the last time I told him not to put his damn fingers in my ear (wet willy) my MIL, FIL, and SIL all made a point to tell me I over reacted. Ugh I really can't stand them but I feel awful saying that! I want to like them, or maybe I just want them to be like-able.
    Well I would tell them your ear your rules.  People are so dumb. 

    I wouldn't talk to them about this, just try to only see this man on holidays.  Also have preplanned responses to his behavior.  Try to never be in the same room with him or at least never alone. 
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