SAHM and SAHM-to-be: Some questions.... (long)

JLyn821 · October 2013

DH and I have always had the hope to have me SAH from the beginning with our LOs. In the last year or so, we changed that mindset to have me go back to work after #1 and then SAH after #2 since we have no idea how much a baby is going to cost not to mention, we like the idea of getting to continue living at our current lifestyle. Well, I went and checked out a daycare yesterday and the reality of the cost finally hit home to us. This place was $265/week full-time for an infant. So basically, half of my pay would be going to daycare. This got DH to realize that we could cut some luxuries (cable/Y membership/etc) as well as get better about paying off student loans or a car before LO arrives and maybe have me stay at home starting with LO#1. My questions for you....

How did you budget staying at home?
Was it scary going from two incomes to one? How did you handle the scary-ness/stress/etc.?
What's your best advice to prep for SAH?
What do you wish you knew ahead of time?
How much do you really spend on baby a month?
Anything else you can think of to add that I'm completely missing. This is all new to us.

pistolpackinmomma · October 2013

We didn't really budget it. My husband fortunately has a very nice job that allows for me to SAH. It was still scary going from 2 incomes to one but we eased into it since I was off in disability for 3 months prior to flat out quitting. We always knew that we wanted for me to be able to SAH if I wanted and waited to have kids until that was a reality. I'm sure it varies from town to town but the Y here had fairly reasonable rates for child care, especially if you're a member. I had people try telling me how much I would miss adult interaction but I wish I had listened more. Part of it is with DH being gone so much that even in the evenings I don't get that adult convo. As for how much we spend per month, luckily insurance covers the formula and with CDs our expenses are fairly minimum. We buy clothes and new toys/gear as needed but really most of the big ticket items were purchased ahead of time.

JLyn821 · October 2013

I think the thing that is hardest for us is that we know DH makes enough for me to SAH if we budget and are smart. The part that is scariest is losing $2k a month. Since getting married, we've just sort of been used to this certain way of life and it's scary to think about completely changing our whole way of living.

Emeraldeyed315 · October 2013

How did you budget staying at home? For 6 months, we didn't spend half of my pay and put it right into savings. We use mint.com to see where our money goes and created a budget from there.
Was it scary going from two incomes to one? Terrifying...neither of us made a huge amount (i'm a teacher, dh has an office job.)
ow did you handle the scary-ness/stress/etc.? Sticking to our budget, reviewing it and modifying as needed. I also ended up taking a .2 part time position. This pays for our groceries which alleviated a lot of stress. I only work Mondays.
What's your best advice to prep for SAH? Don't be afraid to look at a part time job, or reaize you can always take a part time job if needed. Our "back up plan" if my .2 position and subbing doesn't work out is to work nights once and awhile in retail.
What do you wish you knew ahead of time? That my car would have engine trouble...;)
How much do you really spend on baby a month? not much at this point. She;s only 2 months old. We cd and I nurse.
Anything else you can think of to add that I'm completely missing. This is all new to us.Try to create a budget before LO and you leave your job. See how realistic it may be.

Emeraldeyed315 · October 2013

Oh and check your retirement plans to make sure you don't lose $$ by resigning. Also your tax bracket as a couple may change. Its a good idea to talk to a financial consultant.

wiggyslilsis · October 2013

I thought I was going to have to go back to work after having Ava Nichol but when I was put on bed rest at 30 weeks we realized we had a problem. We had saved up but ended up having to use some of that savings.

We found a renter for our home that we own and moved out to my parents. DH continued to work until I had Ava Nichol. He signed up for CDL school and it started two weeks after Ava Nichol was born. So we had 6 weeks of no pay but after CDL school DH started driving and is making over double what we were both making before. We paid my parents back, saved up some more and moved out into a rental. We still have a renter in the home we own.

I would always keep in mind that you can always find a PT job. I always have that in the back of my mind. Also, research what is available for local moms because I realized we have very little for little ones to do around here. It took me over a year to find a local play date group. It is nice because now we have things to look forward to and reasons to leave the house.

We had to rebudget when I started that though because now we are using much more gas and occasionally eating lunch somewhere.

I found the biggest budget savers were budgeting gas, groceries and necessities. We also do a monthly allowance for each of us so neither of us spends money we shouldn't.

I would say try living on less right now and saving up so if you mess up on the budget at first you have a little bit of a cushion. The other thing is that babies don't seem to be too expensive monthly but they have random unexpected costs or even not so random big costs. I think we spend about $150 a month on Ava Nichol between diapers, wipes, food or it used to be formula and clothes and other necessities.

LittleLady77 · October 2013

DH will mostly likely be a stay at home dad after my ML is over. It will depend on 1. me getting a promotion at the end of the year and 2. being able to grow our home business to bring in a specific amount per month that we both agreed on. DH would run our small business from home.

In California we need two incomes but I'm really hoping we can make it work with mine and our small business. We would have to make some cut backs but not a ton. We are also trying to BF, cloth diaper, get used baby stuff etc. to try to keep the costs of two babies down. (Twins will go through 10,000 disposable diapers in a year! Wow!).

carcrashheart · October 2013

we didn't budget for it. we hadn't been counting on my income for awhile at that point. it was going in to a separate account and we would move it in to savings every few months. i would use it as play money, basically. it was a bit scary when we finally decided to do it, but also a relief. now that we have moved back to pgh it's even harder for me to go back to work because daycare is twice as much here as it was there. kindercare ain't cheap, yo. i haven't bothered to check anywhere else, but should, for reference.

we don't budget, like, at all. so i have no idea how much we really spent on LO. i can't say it was terribly much once we got settled. there were things up front that we needed but didn't have. i really feel like baby doesn't cost all that much in the beginning. all they do is eat, sleep and poop. we were FF'ing, so it was maybe $30/week in formula? i can't quite recall. we switched to generic around 3 months and he went through one container a week ($24). when he got older he went to going through one container every two weeks. we moved to CD'ing at 5 weeks. i think they say they should average 6-8 diaper changes/day, give or take. i really didn't feel it was anything earth shattering.

JLyn821 · October 2013

carcrashheart said:

now that we have moved back to pgh it's even harder for me to go back to work because daycare is twice as much here as it was there. kindercare ain't cheap, yo. i haven't bothered to check anywhere else, but should, for reference.

FYI - I priced a Tendercare. It's convenient because it's on the first floor of the building I work in. But seriously...childcare is freakin' expensive! I'm not sure what area of town you're in, but I can't imagine they're all very different cost-wise.

carcrashheart · October 2013

we're in peters twp (south hills) at the moment. i'd imagine a tendercare and kindercare are about the same.

however, when i was planning on going back to work when we were in WV daycare was going to cost about half of what i was making. we still felt that was worth while for me to go back to work for at the time. we didn't decide for me to stay home because daycare was going to eat up my entire income. for us, still having half of my paychecks to bank was still worth it to us prior to having LO.

MRads · October 2013

Just FYI, tendercare is $4000 more per month than the daycare B goes to.

I don't SAH, obviously. I would crunch the numbers for you to sah and to work. I think one of the best things about working for me was it was a decision that H and I made together. I didn't feel forced into going back to work, but decided it was the best decision long term for B and our family. Whether you SAH or work there will be challenges and days that the grass is greener on the other side. So if it is a conscious decision that you make (if you have the ability to make the decision, which I realize some dont), I think it helps to cut down on resentment and feeling trapped, if that makes sense.

Kaiene · October 2013

How did you budget staying at home?
We took a look at our current budget and made cuts based on DH's income. He gets some commission, which made it tough, but we used an average to give us a place to start.

Was it scary going from two incomes to one? How did you handle the scary-ness/stress/etc.?

Yes, it was scary. I went back to work for one school year after DS was born and we practiced living off of DH's salary while mine went to debt pay off (car and SL). So, we knew we could do it because we were used to not having the money. Once my car and SL were gone, my salary minus day care went into savings.
What's your best advice to prep for SAH?

Be honest about what you can realistically stomach in terms of a budget. Sure, a barebones budget sounds great but will you still be happy 6 months in? Scout out some moms groups. DS and I meet up with ours about 2x a month. It gives us something to do and gets us out of the house.

What do you wish you knew ahead of time?

It can be lonely if you don't make an effort to meet people. I also kind of have a schedule for us (I am a teacher on a 1 year LOA and plan to quit when that is up). In the mornings we do an activity, like Storytime or the park. Then we're home for lunch and nap. We play outside after snack and then I make dinner. I'm used to that kind of thing from my job and it helps me feel like we did something at the end of the day.

How much do you really spend on baby a month?

DS is 18 months now, so he's on table food 100% and we CD. I also don't have to buy many clothes for him as he has oodles of hand me downs from our neighbors. I budget $15 for miscellaneous items (sposie wipes, etc). I buy most toys at consignment sales. We recently enrolled in Gymboree which is $69 a month but he LOVES it.

Anything else you can think of to add that I'm completely missing.

Save as much as you can before you stop working. We wanted enough to be able to stay afloat if DH should lose his job, which he did at the end of the summer for about 2 weeks. We are lucky he found something so fast. But that really sucked until he found something and it was so stressful.

Ask for memberships to the zoo, aquarium, etc as gifts. We had memberships to the zoo, aquarium and a children's museum. We use them frequently and it's great to go do things that are already paid for.

For us, I wanted to SAH because we felt like our family time was better when I was on maternity leave. So, I handle the bulk of household chores (note: DH still has some) which frees up time on the weekend for us to hang out. Be clear with each other about expectations for chores, running the household, bill paying, etc up front.

GL! I love SAH and honestly don't know when I'll return to work.

TinyTRex321 · October 2013

How did you budget staying at home? We put my income straight to savings for a few months and just lived off my husband's. We then looked at everything we spent in a month and broke it into different categories. We figured ways to cut back and made sure we were comfortable on just his salary.

Was it scary going from two incomes to one? How did you handle the scary-ness/stress/etc.? Honestly not really b/c I knew it was doable. When I look at some money stuff it does stress me out but we have a good cushion in savings so that helps a lot.

What's your best advice to prep for SAH? looks for ways you can save money now, also look for local mom's groups. I have found that getting out of the house is super important for my sanity.

What do you wish you knew ahead of time? I don't know but it can be a lot harder than people realize. It's isolating and some days I find I just need another adult to talk to. I also miss using the part of my brain that I did at my job. I also miss bringing in money for the family.

How much do you really spend on baby a month? This is so variable depending on a lot of things. We have been really lucky to get a ton of hand me downs of gear and clothes. We cloth diaper and were given most of our stash and I breastfeed so I haven't had the expense of formula. Really a lot of things I spend money on for him are things that I don't need but that make life easier. Also now he's eating solids so I buy a lot of more organic produce and baby food pouches can get pricey.

JLyn821 · October 2013

MRads said:

Just FYI, tendercare is $4000 more per month than the daycare B goes to.

For real?? Whoa. This will definitely have us looking at a bunch of other places.

Kaiene · October 2013

In my area, home day cares were significantly less than a center. The one center we liked was $296 a week. We found a home day care provider that we loved (and still see occasionally) for $180 a week.

Even with LO 2 coming, only about half of my check would go to day care. SAH is a better fit for our family, though.

KatieKim0815 · October 2013

How did you budget staying at home?

Honestly we just try to live in our means. We do a new budget every month and make sure we are spending less than we are bringing in. So for months like Xmas there is less in savings than ther would be on a non-holiday month.

Was it scary going from two incomes to one? How did you handle the scary-ness/stress/etc.?

At the moment I still get money from the government for being on maternity leave so we haven't felt the brush of it yet.

What's your best advice to prep for SAH?

Plan 'you' time from the get go. Do daily things that you like. Example: that cup of coffee that might make your day...have it and make time for it!

What do you wish you knew ahead of time?

Adult interaction is very important. I find I can really lose my sense of self SAH and need something that defines me beyond my role in the home.

How much do you really spend on baby a month?

$50 on diapers and $80 on formula? Probably $400/kid a year on clothes but I do get BABY GAP for them. I indulge in that. Also different pharmaceutical things here and there and medical care here is covered so we don't have to budget for that.

jloww · October 2013

I worked after #1 until I was 20 weeks pregnant wi #2. My pay check was direct deposited into a second account that only daycare came out of. So it wasn't really all that scary. My H is a tax accountant so his job is pretty secure. I am actually probably going to go back to work in June. I'm honestly fried and sick of making sacrifices. That will be almost 3 years after I quit my job.

MRads · October 2013

jloww said:
I worked after #1 until I was 20 weeks pregnant wi #2.

My pay check was direct deposited into a second account that only daycare came out of. So it wasn't really all that scary. My H is a tax accountant so his job is pretty secure.

I am actually probably going to go back to work in June. I'm honestly fried and sick of making sacrifices. That will be almost 3 years after I quit my job.

That's a big step! What are you planning on doing?

jloww · October 2013

MRads said:

I worked after #1 until I was 20 weeks pregnant wi #2. My pay check was direct deposited into a second account that only daycare came out of. So it wasn't really all that scary. My H is a tax accountant so his job is pretty secure. I am actually probably going to go back to work in June. I'm honestly fried and sick of making sacrifices. That will be almost 3 years after I quit my job.
That's a big step! What are you planning on doing?

Remember that "interview" I had forever ago? The AVP called me about an opening and I have to go in tomorrow for a real interview. The daycare waiting list was 10 months long when I put them on it, so we are looking at June to start. I have some concerns about the money, but I won't know until I explore it and check out the place in person. EEK!

wiggyslilsis · October 2013

Good luck @jloww!

SAHM and SAHM-to-be: Some questions.... (long)

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