Family Matters
amjlb2012
member
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MIL always talks badly about other DIL
My MIL is the type of woman to hold a grudge - FOREVER. She hates her other DIL and always talks badly about her behind her back (in front of me). She has even gone so far as to offer to help her son draw up divorce papers (unsolicited).
It makes me very uncomfortable when she bashes her other DIL (and the rest of the family joins in) in front of me. I have spoken to DH about it and he agrees that it makes him uncomfortable too. Would it be wrong for me to have a private conversation with her telling her that I feel uncomfortable when she speaks so poorly of her other DIL in front of me? Or should I just do what DH does and try to ignore it?
It makes me very uncomfortable when she bashes her other DIL (and the rest of the family joins in) in front of me. I have spoken to DH about it and he agrees that it makes him uncomfortable too. Would it be wrong for me to have a private conversation with her telling her that I feel uncomfortable when she speaks so poorly of her other DIL in front of me? Or should I just do what DH does and try to ignore it?
Re: MIL always talks badly about other DIL
Next time, very loudly so everyone can hear you say something like: Geez, MIL if you can say or talk about other DIL like this what the hell are you saying about ME when I'm not around?!? I mean goodness no matter what this is your sons wife and the future (or currant) mother of your grandchild(ren).
Then get up and leave. I'd leave every time she does this no matter what the occasion or holiday. If it bothers you and your H so much talking to her will only do so much, actions always speak louder than words.
Also, I'm curious wth did SIL do to warrant MILs wrath? If it's something minor or something MIL caused herself it speaks to how soon this really will be you she is trash talking,
Next time she does it: tell her to cut it out and stand up for your rights.
It is in poor taste to do this to another person, especially if the person is not there to defend herself.
Luckily this does not happen in my home, because MIL doesn't like to drive the hour to come visit us (which is ok with me). But it does always happen in her home - with the rest of her kids around, which is why I've been hesitant to say something up until this point. I've been trying to figure out the best way to go about it without coming off as a witch in her home (in front of her family).
MLE2010, I honestly don't know what she did to incur her wrath - no one really talks about it. All I know is that there were some disagreements about the wedding (over 5 years ago, which is before I came into the picture) and MIL tends to have a flair for the dramatic (to say the least).
Luckily, I seem to be on her good side....for now. Who knows how that will change over the years...
I would say something. You don't have to yell or curse or name call, just say it makes you both uncomfortable and makes it so you don't want to visit as much.
Of course, this would be most effective if it came from your husband.
I'm taking the "keep your mouth shut" side. Let one of her own kids be the one to say something. Do you really want to end up on the shit list? If you don't like it, leave the room, but end it at that. It's not YOUR place to put her in HER place. And even if you feel like it is, you'll be the next ones not coming to family functions because of how terrible she'll treat you and make you feel and that would suck for your husband because even if she's a psycho, she's still his mom.
Is this real life? Who does this and who are these family members that put up with this BS?!?
No one should live 'in fear' of the IL's...that's just crap. You are human so to put on this phoney act of 'perfection' and tippy toe to avoid pissing off the MIL is ridiculous.
I think its better you sort it out within the family diameter if you have problems then speak it out with her with family discussion, Sit with all those people that are facing the same problem with your MIL and thus speak it out in front of her that will help her understand the problem you are facing from her and eventually some day she will understand and stop.