Who do you vent to?

booklover811 · October 2013

My best friend and my mom are who I usually vent to when I'm upset with my husband about something. I worry though that if I vent to them too much they might start thinking badly of my husband. He definitely does things to tick me off, but he is a really good guy. I've read articles too that say you shouldn't talk bad about your spouse to friends or relatives because they can't forgive as easily as you can because you love him and they don't. I need someone to vent to and talk to though, or I'll go insane! Does anyone else have this problem?

kss20 · October 2013

I do usually vent to my mom and it usually backfires. She'll pull the very serious, "are you two ok?" And I want to scream and be like "YES! We just fought about whether to make an apple or a pumpkin pie. Seriously, nbd!"

I usually go for venting with girlfriends/wives/whatever of his friends because they're in pretty much the same boat and then it's more like laughing over it then being mean and crying and emotional.

tiffanysbride · October 2013

A friend. There is a difference between venting and being malicious. There is nothing wrong with venting about small annoying things to friends. However if the issue is more serious you could still talk to a friend but the tone and type of conversation would be different. I would rather a friend hold a grudge then a parent, KWIM.

Leftie22 · October 2013

I don't talk about my marriage to my family, I think it's too close for comfort. I did talk to them with DH and I were having crazy issues with his parents though, but only because it was such an awful situation and I was pregnant and beyond stressed out. It was nice because they supported both of us and were able to sympathize without bashing DH's family, which is important to me and DH. I don't really vent to anyone about DH now, which is probably why I post here! Haha. I'll tell my sister a couple of things, but only if they're minor.

cloudymeatballs · October 2013

I will usually vent to a friend, one who actually doesn't live too close to us. She listens, and gives me advice. Not always advice that I want, but she has been thru a lot and I know that she isn't going to go gossip to any one I really know about it.

Once in a while I will to my mom, she is very much about keeping a marriage afloat. I try not to complain about too much to her though, since she talks with my sisters and everyone else, lol I don't like lots of people knowing my business... But hey, we gotta vent sometimes...

JemmaWRX · October 2013

My sister. Or my friend. I trust neither of them will blow it out of proportion. My mom... If I turn down an offer of a sandwich she thinks I have an eating disorder. So she get nothing from me when it comes to marital spats.

CowgirlK39 · October 2013

If it's a stupid vent about DH it's usually my mom or maybe my friend. My friend and I vent about everything to each other but lately she has been one big pity party, and no matter what I say, her situ is worse. If it's a very serious issue, like one that DH and I worked out recently, I do not say a word. I do not have anyone I feel is non-judgmental enough to handle things that big. It's nobody's business anyway.

smbenevides1989 · October 2013

I ususally vent to my mom. We are extremely close and is not judgemental. Plus, when it comes to venting about DH's family, I go to her since she had been on a worse boat than I have about inlaws, so she understands what I go through.

If I need outside advice I go to my best friend. She is always around when I need her.

anssett · October 2013

I don't vent about my husband. If he's frustrating me, I tell him. I do talk through my thoughts with friends sometimes, but it's so I can articulate myself clearly when H and I do talk. I appear to be in the minority.

WendyGR · October 2013

I don't vent about DH either. If something is bothering me we discuss it like adults.

CLI242009 · October 2013

@ anssett & WendyGR - I'm glad I'm not the only one. I've never understood the whole talk about your marital problems with someone else. The whol girlfriends talking about their boyfriends, all the "dishing" gals and guys do on their spouses.

If you have a problem with your spouse, you need to speak to that person about it. How would they know if they're doing something that is upsetting you or frustrating you if you don't say something?

I vent to my FI. No matter what it is about - work, family, him - I go to him and him only.

nyc artist · October 2013

I don't know if I agree with anssett, WendyGR or CLI24009.... sometimes I run something by one of my girlfriends if I'm starting to feel upset with DH, to see if I'm blowing stuff out of proportion. And many times, my friend will help me see the other side of the story, and make me realize it's not a big enough deal to sit down and have a serious talk with DH about it. Other times, my friends can relate because their husbands do the same thing (like not take out the trash or whatever), and we have a laugh about. It makes you realize some of the stuff you're going through is totally normal, and you aren't living in a bubble.

If something is truly bothering me though, then I will definitely talk to DH about it and we work it out like adults. But I don't see anything wrong with getting a friend's opinions of the situation. I want to make clear though that I NEVER badmouth my DH, I just explain the situation and see if I can get some ideas.

xoMissJasminexo · October 2013

I never feel the need to "vent" about my husband. I always vent to him, and if I feel we have an issue he is the first person I talk to about it. If we are not able to come to a solution together, then we seek a solution, together, from a trained- unbiased source (such as our pastor). I've always known it to be unhealthy and damaging to all involved when you vent issues regarding your spouse or significant other) to friends and family.

CLI242009 · November 2013

nyc artist said:

I don't know if I agree with anssett, WendyGR or CLI24009.... sometimes I run something by one of my girlfriends if I'm starting to feel upset with DH, to see if I'm blowing stuff out of proportion. And many times, my friend will help me see the other side of the story, and make me realize it's not a big enough deal to sit down and have a serious talk with DH about it. Other times, my friends can relate because their husbands do the same thing (like not take out the trash or whatever), and we have a laugh about. It makes you realize some of the stuff you're going through is totally normal, and you aren't living in a bubble.

If something is truly bothering me though, then I will definitely talk to DH about it and we work it out like adults. But I don't see anything wrong with getting a friend's opinions of the situation. I want to make clear though that I NEVER badmouth my DH, I just explain the situation and see if I can get some ideas.

That is different haha. What I am talking about are the girls that basically go and gossip with their gals about their men. I do not like that or believe in it. This is the person you love and want to spend the rest of your life with? How are you okay and why do you join in when they are talking crap about this person?

I've just never understood that whole gossiping thing with my gal pals. Don't believe in it either.

If your friends help you understand the situation better than I'm all for that.

@xoMissJasminexo - I completely agree with everything you said. Especially the last part.

LaxWife · November 2013

I think it really depends. If it's a regular, everyday annoying thing, then I think running it by a trusted girlfriend/sibling/whatever is fine. I think it's normal to want feedback for normal stuff.

However, if it's a more serious issue - I really don't think that it's a good idea to speak to your friends or family about it. If you work through it, then you'll be over it - but whoever you told might continue to bring it up with you/tell other people and then it just gets messy.

I'm pretty private, so something serious I would definitely keep between myself and my husband, but that being said - everyone is different, and everyone has different relationships with their friends/family.

moonprincessd · November 2013

I used to vent to my diary/journal. If I'm ever really worked up, I just write it down. Later I talk about it with my husband. I don't like people seeing me upset and I don't want them to start thinking that I'm a bad person or my husband is.

However, lately, I find myself just venting to my husband. Maybe it's because he's seen me at my worst and hasn't left yet? lol! But normally he just sits, listens, then hugs me. It's our system. Even if I'm mad at him. He has a right to know right? He can't fix the problem if he doesn't know why I'm mad at him... it's simple logic.

Jro630 · November 2013

Diary/Journal -- now that's a good idea! I find I vent to my mom too much so I need to stop that sooner rather than later..

lifeguard · November 2013

My dog has heard a lot and he seems to listen and care.

ClaryPax · November 2013

I first vent to my husband about him. I try not to vent to family and friends but occasionally something might slip out, so I try to keep it light and balance it with something positive. I save hardcore vents for my mom and try to limit them to once every few years.

Who do you vent to?

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