Relationships
ippn1
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Was that a deal breaker?
while ago i met a girl (22) who was very attracted to me - she wanted my
number and started texting me, we started dating for a month -
everything great - she was very eager to see me and i can tell she was
very very into me . Im lacking experience with girls, so I was not very
aggressive during that time (never made a move on her sexually, but i
kissed her, held hands, made out regularly). So she texted 2 mutual
friends and asked behind my back if i ever had a girlfriend (i thought
that was a shi.tty move and was lil upset). He refused to reply but told
me. I was kinda irritated since she didnt ask me in person, so i texted
her 'next time you want to ask me/know something about me, ask me in
person not via other people'. (I regret that since it would be much much
better to tell her in person).
Next day (date) i brought it up and told her i m not mad at her but dont like things like that. So i told her she can ask me now. She did and i told her i have never had a serious relationship - im 25, and that i have never had real feelings for any girl i have been sexual with. She was quiet after that and then i told her i have never had a gf because i was too busy (which is true plus i have never met any one special) because i was studying plus i was athlete. From then on, i felt everything was different - she didnt text me as often as before and i just felt something is not the way it was - she was distant. i can felt something has changed.
So 2 weeks later she texted me AFTER the date (she gave me just one kiss after and left quickly - normally we made out after a date), that she is not ready for somethings serious. I found out she tried to get back with her ex (mutual friend told me she texted him) - happened to me again (they were together 4 years and she left him because he was neglecting/ignoring/cheating her... less then 6 months ago. They were on and off many many times because of his behaviour - he was her rebound since she got with him 1 month after her previous serious relationship so after a while she cheated on him with her ex and after that he was 'like that' but they stayed together). So im wondering was my inexperience a deal breaker for her in your opinion and that was the reason she missed her ex and try to get back with him. She was very very into me/eager to see me (texting good night everyday, telling me she cant wait to see me, asking me if im falling in love...) before that topic about my past experiences came up. Im often too honest but i would lie if i could about that, but since we have some mutual friends from before that was not an option.
Also 2 months after that I met her and she apologized for hurting my feelings and she told me she felt guilty about moving on (since she knows she is the one to blame for her ex's behavior towards her) and finding a new boyfriend so she said she tried to save old relationship. She didnt succeed but she still doest want to have a 2nd chance i gave her - we went on a date and kissed afterwards but she had many excuses after that so i gave up...
Next week i didnt get any massage from her, but when I was in a pub with her drunk best friend, she told me if i was better then her ex and gave her what she needed (I guess sex) she would forget about him and her ex was never a factor. They are both also convinced im in love with her and she said i shouldnt be so available and should play games before we would be exclusive... Then she said she has now 'someone who f-cks her' in some town she has her apprenticeship in.
I felt like worthless piece of sh.it....
Next day (date) i brought it up and told her i m not mad at her but dont like things like that. So i told her she can ask me now. She did and i told her i have never had a serious relationship - im 25, and that i have never had real feelings for any girl i have been sexual with. She was quiet after that and then i told her i have never had a gf because i was too busy (which is true plus i have never met any one special) because i was studying plus i was athlete. From then on, i felt everything was different - she didnt text me as often as before and i just felt something is not the way it was - she was distant. i can felt something has changed.
So 2 weeks later she texted me AFTER the date (she gave me just one kiss after and left quickly - normally we made out after a date), that she is not ready for somethings serious. I found out she tried to get back with her ex (mutual friend told me she texted him) - happened to me again (they were together 4 years and she left him because he was neglecting/ignoring/cheating her... less then 6 months ago. They were on and off many many times because of his behaviour - he was her rebound since she got with him 1 month after her previous serious relationship so after a while she cheated on him with her ex and after that he was 'like that' but they stayed together). So im wondering was my inexperience a deal breaker for her in your opinion and that was the reason she missed her ex and try to get back with him. She was very very into me/eager to see me (texting good night everyday, telling me she cant wait to see me, asking me if im falling in love...) before that topic about my past experiences came up. Im often too honest but i would lie if i could about that, but since we have some mutual friends from before that was not an option.
Also 2 months after that I met her and she apologized for hurting my feelings and she told me she felt guilty about moving on (since she knows she is the one to blame for her ex's behavior towards her) and finding a new boyfriend so she said she tried to save old relationship. She didnt succeed but she still doest want to have a 2nd chance i gave her - we went on a date and kissed afterwards but she had many excuses after that so i gave up...
Next week i didnt get any massage from her, but when I was in a pub with her drunk best friend, she told me if i was better then her ex and gave her what she needed (I guess sex) she would forget about him and her ex was never a factor. They are both also convinced im in love with her and she said i shouldnt be so available and should play games before we would be exclusive... Then she said she has now 'someone who f-cks her' in some town she has her apprenticeship in.
I felt like worthless piece of sh.it....
Re: Was that a deal breaker?
Communication is key in every relationship --- your friends and you, your boss and you, you and who you date --- it's a necessity.
This is somebody who, to put it politely, is not for you. It happens.
Don't feel worthless because of what happened -- this is what dating is about --- you're supposed to test the waters and find a mate that's right for you.
Don't get involed in a lot of junior high school nonsense -- that's what's happening here iwth this young lady and her friends. It's not very mature and it's not becoming. And it's also not for you.
Now get out there and find some young ladies who aren't flighty and flakey like this last person. Steer clear of women who cannot communicate with you.
I find it helpful to say so on perhaps the third date.
It used to be that it was a given that you dated whoever you wanted to, until you and one particular person became an item. Everybody gets weird about that nowadays.:(
You will feel inferior if you permit somebody to make you feel that way.
The other day, I heard a very old school rock and roll song by Paul Anka that had a line in it that said "Date girls who would make a good mate." The advice is about 3 generations old but it's not off the mark at all.
Maybe I am jumping the gun a bit but just imagine if that little magpie was your wife and she pulled this garbage! Would you tolerate it? Think about it.
I don't know why she lost interest. It could be that she wants a more experienced guy. It could be that she was weirded out by you telling her that you slept with women you didn't have any feelings for, while you never made a move on her in the month you dated (if a guy told me this, I'd think madonna-whore syndrome and run like hell). It could be the text communications between the two of you after she asked your friend about you felt off somehow. Or it could be something unrelated, or something she can't quite put a finger on.
Anyway, she's not into you any more, and that's that.