October 2012 Weddings
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Invited to a wedding...

DH is in a wedding in May (5/2). Our baby is due 2/17, so even if he is born on his due date he will only be 2.5 months old. I had DH call the groom to ask of the baby would be included and he basically said the only kids are going to be his own (one year old) and some of the bride's family traveling from Colorado. I get this, I really do...but at the same time I have never heard of excluding a breastfed infant. It will be the first time we leave the baby, most likely, as I won't even be back to work at that point. Even after I go back, the only person watching the baby will be DH since we work opposite schedules and my sister while I sleep after work.

Obviously I'm anxious about this. We have to travel about two hours for the wedding so we will be staying in a hotel for two nights (since DH is in the wedding we will have the rehearsal dinner the night before as well). I'm going to bring my mother with is (which will cost us an extra room). I really cannot justify paying for an extra room for two nights so do you think it would be awful to ask if the baby can come to the rehearsal dinner? Obviously, if the answer is no, I'm going to have to suck up the cost of the second room for the night before the wedding or just skip the dinner.

Am I out of line? I am super hormonal and this is really bothering me a lot, as much as I am trying not to let it.

Re: Invited to a wedding...

  • mana8503mana8503 member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    edited October 2013
    I think the etiquette is allowing newborns, especially breastfeeding ones. Even more, since they are allowing exceptions for oot guests, your situation it an even more legit reason.

    Honestly if it were me, I wouldn't go at all of they said no bringing the baby. Let H go, but I'd stay with baby at home.
    Eliza Mae - September 16th, 2014

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  • I honestly have no idea what the etiquette is, but I don't think it could hurt to ask or have H ask. Obviously they have to be somewhat close for H to be in the wedding, so surely they're close enough for H to ask. 

    Do they know you're having to bring your mom along to watch the baby in the hotel room? If he has a one year old, shouldn't he and his bride understand the anxiety? If the OOT guests don't have to bring someone along to watch their kids, you shouldn't have to. Just because you're driving distance doesn't mean you aren't travelling and getting a hotel, etc. 
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  • I wouldn't go if someone banned my infant who literally still needs me in order to eat to survive.  
    I get that people have to cut kids sometimes, but in this case I wouldn't go.

    Just my .02!
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  • My friend had a similar situation when she got married, but the child wasn't banned from the wedding.  One of her bridesmaids had a breastfed 4 month old.  Neither her nor her husband were from our area, they had no family to watch the baby.  They could not afford the hotel, my friend's wedding was about an hour away from where we live.  Her bridesmaid skipped the rehearsal dinner and drove up with her husband the morning of the wedding.  She went to hair and makeup and her husband hung out somewhere with the baby.

    They attended the ceremony and reception and then went back to the hotel for the night.  My friend's only complaint was the baby cried through the entire ceremony and on her video, you hear the baby over the vows.  Just be considerate if you are in that situation. 

    I don't see why your H's friend wouldn't understand.  Your baby would take up little space at 2 months old, he wouldn't be charged an extra plate and how could you expect a 2 month old to be separated from the parents that young.  If the friend is set on the baby staying home, I think I'd stay home and tell my H to go alone.
  • If I were in your situation, I'd either ask or have H ask again.  Maybe they aren't realizing how young the baby will be and need to be reminded of how it is to have an infant.  I think it's pretty ridiculous that they are allowing OOT guests to bring their kids because if you have to drive two hours to get there and stay in a hotel, then you are technically OOT too.

    If they still didn't budge on letting me bring my baby, I'd stay home.
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  • My mom is coming with us for the second night but if they aren't going to let the baby come to the rehearsal, I'm going to have to skip. I'm not paying a second night in the hotel for my mother, just so I can go to the rehearsal dinner. The wedding is another story. I'm not even entirely sure it would be a good idea to bring the baby even if they said yes because *I think* it is an outdoor tent wedding in early may, in the northeast. It could be VERY cold.

    I'm guessing I'm going to have to pump while I am at the wedding because we will be quite a distance from the hotel (it would take me over an hour round trip with feeding time to go back and feed the baby). It will take some extra thought on my part because I'll need to have a cooler for the pumped goods...
  • mpjf1001mpjf1001 member
    Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its 500 Comments Name Dropper
    edited October 2013
    I went to a wedding 4 weeks postpartum. Thankfully I had my mom to watch the baby overnight, i was pumping and she took a bottle well.I would ask again and/or skip the rehearsal dinner. Will the hotel be close that you could leave to breast feed. Just keep in mind that the baby may or may not take a bottle at that point and if you do have to pump I asked someone who worked at the venue for a private room and they were accommodating, you may want to call ahead and ask if you can't leave the reception to go to the hotel (if its far away). Like others stated if you do bring the baby just be aware of crying during important moments. ETA: I just read the hotel will be far away, so taking into consideration if the baby takes a bottle will be important! This is something you can't predicate, my daughter would not take a bottle from me or from anyone else if I was in the room until she started daycare! It also took time for her to take it from others even if I wasn't around. Since I knew she would be going to daycare and I had that wedding I introduced a bottle early, which can mess with BF, thankfully it didn't for me.


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  • If it were me I probably wouldn't go at all.  They are being unreasonable. 
  • I'm so torn. I like these people a lot but agree they are being unreasonable.
  • sjs1013 said:

    They attended the ceremony and reception and then went back to the hotel for the night.  My friend's only complaint was the baby cried through the entire ceremony and on her video, you hear the baby over the vows.  Just be considerate if you are in that situation. 

    How inconsiderate!  They should have taken the baby somewhere if it was being fussy. 

    I know we just went to a wedding last month, stepson was on a verge of a break down (he has autism, we know when it's coming), so H took him back to the car before the ceremony started.  After break down, they came back.

    Eliza Mae - September 16th, 2014

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  • Yeah...obviously I would remove myself if needed. I cannot imagine letting my baby cry through someone's wedding ceremony.

    I know they say not to, but I plan on starting bottles pretty early (of pumped milk). I need the baby to take a bottle well for DH since I work nights and he will be home for 12 hour shifts with the baby.
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