October 2012 Weddings
sjs1013
member
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Advice needed- long, sorry.
Sorry that this got so long. I didn't realize that I had so many issues with this possible situation.
I've mentioned before that H and I live in an apartment in my parents' basement. We totally have our own space, you can't access our apartment from inside the house, you have to walk outside. My parents totally respect our privacy.
The apartment is not huge and was perfect for me when I was single. H moved in and things got cramped. We've been looking to buy a house since February with no luck at all.
My dad owns real estate and is a landlord. He has a 2 family house with 2 3 bedroom apartments. My brother and SIL live on the first floor. A few months ago, my dad tried to get my brother and I to buy the house together from him, but we decided it would be a bad idea because we are close and we didn't want a bad deal or property to ruin our relationship.
Yesterday, my dad told me the woman upstairs may be moving out and H and I are welcome to move in. Our rent would be a little higher than it is now, but a much better deal for the space that we'd be getting. SIL thinks I am here to be her slave and to entertain her and my nephew whenever she wants or needs it. She is a SAHM and often forgets that I work and my job is not a leave at the end of the day and everything is done type job. My dad mentioned this in front of her and her response was, "Great, you'll finally move upstairs and then Nephew can go to you when you get home to give me a break."
I need my break, too. I am with 30 kids, who are not my own, all day. When I come home, I don't want to babysit someone else's child. One of the reasons we declined to buy the house was because of SIL and how she would bombard me and not understand I have my own things to do.
H and I are quickly running out of space. To move things around it's practically like playing Tetris in here. I have given up on this apartment and have stopped cleaning. H does most things. I don't put away my clothes and now my out of season stuff is everywhere too. H is wonderful and he calmly asks when I'm picking up my stuff and I always reply later. Last night, H came to me and said he can tell I'm done living here and he will move to the other house if I want to. He has put the entire decision on me. I don't like making decisions. I asked my dad what would happen if we found a house after we moved and he said we would just move out and he would find a tenant, no big deal.
What would you do? The thought of more space is amazing, but living upstairs from SIL is not worth the space if I'm constantly being asked to do things for her or watch my nephew. Just a reminder, SIL is having #2 in February and I really don't want her to think I'd do everything for her once the baby arrives. She assumed that when my nephew was born also. I hate moving, so the thought of moving twice in the near future also isn't appealing.
I've mentioned before that H and I live in an apartment in my parents' basement. We totally have our own space, you can't access our apartment from inside the house, you have to walk outside. My parents totally respect our privacy.
The apartment is not huge and was perfect for me when I was single. H moved in and things got cramped. We've been looking to buy a house since February with no luck at all.
My dad owns real estate and is a landlord. He has a 2 family house with 2 3 bedroom apartments. My brother and SIL live on the first floor. A few months ago, my dad tried to get my brother and I to buy the house together from him, but we decided it would be a bad idea because we are close and we didn't want a bad deal or property to ruin our relationship.
Yesterday, my dad told me the woman upstairs may be moving out and H and I are welcome to move in. Our rent would be a little higher than it is now, but a much better deal for the space that we'd be getting. SIL thinks I am here to be her slave and to entertain her and my nephew whenever she wants or needs it. She is a SAHM and often forgets that I work and my job is not a leave at the end of the day and everything is done type job. My dad mentioned this in front of her and her response was, "Great, you'll finally move upstairs and then Nephew can go to you when you get home to give me a break."
I need my break, too. I am with 30 kids, who are not my own, all day. When I come home, I don't want to babysit someone else's child. One of the reasons we declined to buy the house was because of SIL and how she would bombard me and not understand I have my own things to do.
H and I are quickly running out of space. To move things around it's practically like playing Tetris in here. I have given up on this apartment and have stopped cleaning. H does most things. I don't put away my clothes and now my out of season stuff is everywhere too. H is wonderful and he calmly asks when I'm picking up my stuff and I always reply later. Last night, H came to me and said he can tell I'm done living here and he will move to the other house if I want to. He has put the entire decision on me. I don't like making decisions. I asked my dad what would happen if we found a house after we moved and he said we would just move out and he would find a tenant, no big deal.
What would you do? The thought of more space is amazing, but living upstairs from SIL is not worth the space if I'm constantly being asked to do things for her or watch my nephew. Just a reminder, SIL is having #2 in February and I really don't want her to think I'd do everything for her once the baby arrives. She assumed that when my nephew was born also. I hate moving, so the thought of moving twice in the near future also isn't appealing.
Re: Advice needed- long, sorry.
That said, I think you and your H should either find a non-family owned rental that is larger or double down on the house hunting with a goal of buying in the next few months. Renting above your SIL sounds like a disaster waiting to happen with hurt feelings and resentment. Especially with a newborn coming soon and no guarantee you will move before feb. I wouldn't touch that possibility. Could you and H put some things into storage to free up living space and just eat that cost in the interim??
I would set some serious ground rules with SIL and move in. Just make your expectations of her as your neighbor known before you move in. As long as you aren't accusing her of anything, just say I've heard of this happening in similiar situations and I don't want it to cause a strain on our relationship. Then ask them for their expectations of you. Then keep your door locked and ignore the doorbell. Lol!
There is nothing to put in storage because it's mostly clothes and actual things. I have minimal furniture. Maybe I wasn't clear, we are fine living here. We have been planning to stay here until we found a house, we were just planning to find a house by June and that didn't happen. My dad offered this other apartment because his tenant may be moving at the end of her lease, but that's not confirmed. We turned down the offer months ago for the SIL reason and not wanting to jointly buy property with family for potential problems.
I was already on the stay here until we find a house fence, but you all just confirmed it. SIL does not take hints, even when they are blunt. I would have to lock my door, park around the corner and jump from the ground through a window so she would not know that we're home.
I appreciate all of your advice and I am just hoping a good house comes along soon. I also want to add I have a good relationship with SIL, I just need my space away from her. Her and my brother have been together for about 12 years. She is almost the same age as me and we have become adults together. I know I will hate her if I live in the same house as her, even if it is for a short time. Not having a relationship with her is not an option for me in the future because when H and I have children, I want them to be close with their cousins.