Family Matters
momo_xoxo
member
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
My MIL thinks I'm mad at her
I have to get something out and I have ni one to talk to about it.
My husband and I live currently live with my MIL, we move out in 19 days. I love my MIL, she is amazing, so sweet and living worn her jas been fine, no problems. But she told my husband today that she thought I was mad at her and her husband, and I am not at all they have done so much for us and I am so grateful for them letting us live with them while we got on our feet. The thing is, but just over a year ago my big brother died. we were super close and it killed me. I barely functioned for weeks bit then we moved out of town for 10 months, so no one but my husband really new how bad I was. Well we moved back in July and because its been over a year people expect me to be normal again and im just not. I'm still so sad. I barley go a day with out crying, so I try so hard to be normal and happy for everyone but I guess she sees through it, but she thinks the problem is her. I don't know what to do, its so tiring acting happy all the time, and what's the point when it doesn't seem to be working anyways. Agh I'm just so angry and tired and sad and froced to keep it all inside. I just had to tell someone, thanks for reading.
My husband and I live currently live with my MIL, we move out in 19 days. I love my MIL, she is amazing, so sweet and living worn her jas been fine, no problems. But she told my husband today that she thought I was mad at her and her husband, and I am not at all they have done so much for us and I am so grateful for them letting us live with them while we got on our feet. The thing is, but just over a year ago my big brother died. we were super close and it killed me. I barely functioned for weeks bit then we moved out of town for 10 months, so no one but my husband really new how bad I was. Well we moved back in July and because its been over a year people expect me to be normal again and im just not. I'm still so sad. I barley go a day with out crying, so I try so hard to be normal and happy for everyone but I guess she sees through it, but she thinks the problem is her. I don't know what to do, its so tiring acting happy all the time, and what's the point when it doesn't seem to be working anyways. Agh I'm just so angry and tired and sad and froced to keep it all inside. I just had to tell someone, thanks for reading.
Re: My MIL thinks I'm mad at her
Have you seen a grief counselor at all? I think it might help you to deal with your feelings and be able to cry freely without being judged or having to be 'fake' about your feelings.
I'm going to assume your MIL knows about your loss - she needs to back off a bit because this isn't about her, it's about you dealing with a serious loss. And your H needs to step up and say something here. I would say maybe you could sit down and talk to her about this, but she seems confrontational and that might not be what you need right now. But I do think your H needs to say something to her.
Anyway, good luck and sorry again about your brother
Looking at my initial response, I'm thinking now that maybe your MIL isn't so confrontational, just maybe doesn't realize how seriously you are grieving over your loss. Especially if you are putting on a 'happy face'. So having an open and honest dialog might help to clear the air.
FWIW, my mom lost her brother 6 years ago and she still talks about it. She doesn't cry like she used to, but it was very hard on her. So it's true, there really is no time limit on grief - everyone handles it differently.
Hospitals, religious groups and houses of worship sponsor them. If you are not shy about meeting with a group of people in the same boat as you, something like this is for you.
Sorry for your loss. People don't get it sometimes that everybody mourns at their own rate. What is okay for one isn't okay for somebody else.
Don't worry about those people. Losing an immediate family member is one of the hardest losses. GL.
I learned that it takes 2 years to start to feel "normal" again after a big loss. I remember it took a good 2 years for my mother after my dad died. And the same for me after I lost my mom,.she was my best friend. In fact it has been over 9 years and I still will tear up takling about her.
Have a talk with your MIL, I'm sure she will understand.