Marriage isn't for me.

blueeyedblossom · November 2013

It's for him.

A friend just shared this on Facebook and I hope I never forget it. I thought you ladies might enjoy this read also.

http://sethadamsmith.com/2013/11/02/marriage-isnt-for-you/

lilliesandvino · November 2013

Sounds like a how-to on being submissive. Wonder what his wife thinks.

Panderp · November 2013

I rolled my eyes so hard when I read this on FB tonight. No thanks.

lilliesandvino · November 2013

Panderp said:
I rolled my eyes so hard when I read this on FB tonight. No thanks.

I'm blown away that we agree.

Xan921 · November 2013

I agree with Panderp. I read this on Facebook and thought it was the dumbest thing.

Uptowngirl2009 · November 2013

I actually agree with it. I think in marriage you have to think about the other person a lot. You have to think about things from his/her point of view. You have to consider the other person's thoughts and feelings. You have to try to think about what you can do to make the other person happy and they will hopefully reciprocate. You can't just always be thinking about yourself 100% of the time. Marriage is about working together and compromise. At least that was my take on it.

lilliesandvino · November 2013

Marriage is about working together and compromise, and maybe at it's face value the author has a point. Being selfish all the time will not make a happy marriage.

However, the blog post seems patronizing and like it's directed toward women. It sounds like an opening for emotional abuse. Like, "if you put me and our marriage first, you'd (enter the husband's request)".

Maybe it's me. Fundie posts tend to rub me the wrong way. Especially when said fundie has been married for 15 minutes.

Also, $10 says he cheated in her when his "heart" was hardening.

amandaf6383 · November 2013

lilliesandvino said:

Also, $10 says he cheated in her when his "heart" was hardening.

Exactly what I thought!

I saw everyone making such a big deal about the article on FB but when I read it I thought "Whatttttttttt?!" Marriage isn't about either person entirely. It's about compromise and working together and thick and thin and not being an asshat.

cloudymeatballs · November 2013

I read this earlier. I do partially agree. I do think that in a marriage, you do need to put your selfishness somewhere out of the way sometimes. You do want to do whatever it takes to make your partner happy. On our wedding day, I remember someone telling us, "Never stop trying to out serve each other" This was from someone who has been married for quite some time. I took this read as something similar to that.

brij2006 · November 2013

I somewhat agree and disagree with everything stated above and this article. Yes, you want to make your spouse happy and marriage isn't all about you. But you also both have to make compromises and sacrifices in order for it to work. You can't always just be the pushover and do what your spouse says you should because marriage "isn't about you."

But then again this comes from a person who was taught that the person who comes first in her marriage is God. Not H and not myself. If I was always trying to please H, then I can guarantee you I would be miserable. If he was always doing things to try and please me, I would be annoyed that he isn't having a backbone or a say in decisions or our marriage as a whole. We would never get anything accomplished if we both were trying to please the other person.

This article has been posted all over my newsfeed, and it makes me a bit aggravated. The main people who have posted it were singles that agree with it. I've kept my mouth shut on the topic, but I would really like to comment.

nfp147 · November 2013

Nobody show this article to my H. I've trained him well to believe everything is about me.

Uptowngirl2009 · November 2013

I don't think it is saying that you have to be a pushover. I just think that if both people are truly living in a way to make their spouse happy then it's a win-win. Both people have to be selfless rather than selfish or it won't work and you will wind up feeling discontent or like a pushover. It's a two way street.

blueeyedblossom · November 2013

@uptowngirl2009, you say things way better than I can. I agree with both your statements.

PandPMeant2B · November 2013

I agree that the article has to be taken at face value. The basic premise is putting the happiness of your partner above your own. If you both wake up and say to yourselves, "What can I do to make my partner's day better?" you'll both be happier. Making DH happy makes me happy and I know he feels the same. It's about BOTH partners being selfless, not just one or the other.

RockABye · November 2013

I like the article. It's a reminder that marriage isn't about only making yourself happy. I highly doubt there are two people out there who do exactly the same thing and are always happy. It's about sacrifice and loving your spouse as you want to be loved. While there definitely are instances of a husband (or wife) lording over the other, I don't believe that's what this article is talking about. I want to do things to make my husband happy. When he's happy, he wants to do the same for me. And it goes the other way around. When my husband does things that makes me happy, I feel loved and it makes it easier for me to want to do those things for him that make him happy. It's all about sacrifice and treating him how I want him to be treating. It's definitely a two way street though.

ETA: it's also not saying you can't be happy and do things for yourself! That's why this is a 2 way thing!

cloudymeatballs · November 2013

PandPMeant2B said:

I agree that the article has to be taken at face value. The basic premise is putting the happiness of your partner above your own. If you both wake up and say to yourselves, "What can I do to make my partner's day better?" you'll both be happier. Making DH happy makes me happy and I know he feels the same. It's about BOTH partners being selfless, not just one or the other.

Exactly. It is about both partners trying to make the other's life happier. It works. It is one thing that people who have been married for a looooong time say. Simply put, just try to think of things that way and the other one will want to do the same for you.

nfp147 · November 2013

I don't have a problem with doing things that make my H happy. That shouldn't even be a question. My problem with the article is the idea of putting someone else's happiness ahead of mine. Of course there needs to be compromise, but I am the most important person in my life.

destination09 · November 2013

It aligns perfectly with my role as a submissive wife.

skreedrake · November 2013

In addition to everything that's been said above, I hate the author's father's advice to him when he isn't sure he wants to get married. He should just suck it up and get married because it's not about him?? "Stop being so selfish?" I mean, I get that marriage is about compromise and wanting the other person to be happy, but there is nothing wrong with not wanting to get married, and I hate that the author was pressured into doing something he probably was not ready for. Marriage is a huge commitment, and you better be damned sure you want and are ready for it before you potentially ruin someone else's life.

seahorse01 · November 2013

poppies717 · November 2013

nfp147 said:

I don't have a problem with doing things that make my H happy. That shouldn't even be a question. My problem with the article is the idea of putting someone else's happiness ahead of mine. Of course there needs to be compromise, but I am the most important person in my life.

I agree with this. I love making my DH happy. I love that he loves making me happy. My issue with this article is I can't help but wonder what this thread would be like if a woman had written it instead of a man. If a father told his daughter that her job was to make her DH happy, I think this thread would be on fire with responses. That's why I don't like it.

ILoveRedVino · November 2013

I just find it humorous that someone who has been married for a few weeks feels like he has marriage all figured out.

Marriage isn't for me.

Re: Marriage isn't for me.

Choose Another Board

Search Boards