Getting H to reel in.

brij2006 · November 2013

Alright, I'm needing some advice.

My H and I are usually very good at budgeting, and we have been for quite some time. This summer we went on a lot of vacations, did a lot of house projects, and had a lot of medical bills with fertility testing and medications. So we used quite a bit of our savings that we had put aside for these items this past summer. But now that summer is over, I'm having a hard time getting my H to reel back in on the spending. He went to Vegas a couple of weeks ago for a bachelor party (that wasn't budgeted), and he decided we needed to switch to Verizon and get new iphones (again not budgeted). We have also spent more money on remodeling the house that wasn't budgeted but needs done now that we have a baby on the way. But the biggest has been everyday spending and things that weren't budgeted and aren't in the budget.

But I'm just needing some ideas on how to get him to reel in? This month I put together our budget and sent it to him, and then showed him how much of his overtime money we had to use to pay for things along with pulling from our regular savings. Normally we put his OT and my commission money into savings, on top of saving from our regular paychecks. But we haven't put anywhere near as much in for the past 6 months due to the vacations and other things.

This is really frustrating for me because I budget to a T and am very anal about spending exactly the alloted amount in each category. He is usually very good about it too, but he's been having a hard time reeling back in after our "spendy summer."

hoffse · November 2013

I understand where both of you are coming from because on the one hand I'm anal about budgets, and on the other hand I'm also habitual - so when I get used to spending money it takes me a couple months to readjust.

I think the first step is to forgive yourself for some expenditures over the summer. It sounds like you guys had some necessary maintenance on the house, and your ability to travel in the next few years is going to be drastically reduced once baby arrives anyway. Once you get him re-focused, your savings will continue to build again.

I think I would try focusing him by "shopping" for baby without buying anything yet. Do you have a shower? Have you registered? From what I understand (having lurked on TB a bit out of sheer curiosity), there are 245,682,922 baby products out there that should be considered and/or researched before baby arrives. It might be the perfect way to give him an outlet for "shopping" while not actually spending. Let him research the crazy electronic gear and things like car seats and the suspension and braking capabilities of strollers - if you haven't already chosen these items? Alternatively, use the holidays as a way to target his spending - encourage him to help you come up with specific and selective gifts; and help him rediscover the thrill of the hunt.

When I realize I'm being too spendy, I try to re-focus on the hunt instead of the purchase. Most of the time, finding that incredible deal is what gives me a rush, rather than actually owning the product.

If he's really being spendy in terms of overindulging in "experiences" rather than stuff, I would try to habituate him to being home more, eating in more, having dinner and a movie on the couch more often, etc. Make it fun and romantic. Personally, I wouldn't be above using my hormones as an excuse, but that could be a bit below the belt....

Again, I think that with baby on the way your habits and spending are likely to change a lot in the next few months. Getting him used to shopping for others (rather than himself) and/or being home more, rather than going out, should only make the transition easier, I would think.

Ducktale · November 2013

Are you on the same page with you savings goals? If not, def. start there. For H, it can be hard for him to see the bigger picture and while this purchase by itself is not a big deal, many purchases are a bigger deal. We have specific savings goals with a specific timeline. We sat down together and discussed it (which did involve compromise fo both of us) and came up with these goals together and know we have to save $x per month to reach the goals. So we're on the same page, but he does sometimes struggle with day to day spending, but for that, we each have a small amount of money built into the budget that we can use however we want, no questions asked. If he wants to go to Vegas or buy the new iPhone, he may need to save his personal money for a few months. If you aren't on the same page with your goals, it will continue to be a struggle.

brij2006 · November 2013

We've always been on the same page with savings goals and are very open with what we want to save for, vacations, remodel, etc. So that's never been an issue. Even now he knows we need to save about $4k for finishing the house and installing carpet. So that's what our sole focus is on. Thankfully we have the insurance costs for the baby in savings, and have for a while. But I'm not sure if he's feeling like he wants to have some of these more "experiences" now before the baby comes and it isn't as easy to do.

I like the idea of sitting down with him and setting our goals again. We just discussed them last week about the house and baby expenses, but nothing further than that. Maybe we need to discuss saving a small amount for a trip for the 2 of us a while after the baby is born. We're huge travelers so I know that this is going to hinder us a bit and be quite a change for us. So maybe that's why he's wanting to spend on items and experiences.

Xstatic3333 · November 2013

You may already do this, but we put some money in our monthly budget to save for big wants that are specific to just one of us. H, for example, is using his money to save for a MacBook Pro, something I could never justify. I use mine for travel, which is more important to me than him. I know it will slow down our down payment saving, but it's worth it for us.

short+sassy · November 2013

I just wanted to commiserate. For the last few months and through the next year, I've been spending most of my extra money on home repairs/upgrades. It's bumming me out!

Have you brought it to his attention that he has been going a bit crazy with the spending? Perhaps a gentle reminder.

Leftie22 · November 2013

We try to have monthly budget meetings, where we look at the past month's income and our actual spending, and compare it to our budget. It helps us identify where we're off track, if there are regular expenses that we haven't put in our budget, and what we need to do to get back on track. Get your DH to actually look at the accounts and where money is going. I think it's a good wake-up call! We moved across the country and bought a house, so we also had a crazy spendy time this summer, but doing the monthly budget reconciliations helped us get back on track. Good luck!

Getting H to reel in.

Re: Getting H to reel in.

Choose Another Board

Search Boards