FFC about fat babies

ream02 · November 2013

No, I don't mean the super cute chunkiness that some have. I mean the, stop feeding that kid before you kill him/her fat because they can't even move from side to side at all.

We have a friend who's baby is 21 lbs and is 5 months old. He's not just chunky. He's fat. Every time he whimpers the mom is stuffing something, usually a bottle of formula in his mouth. He spits up and she blames reflux. I blame over feeding. My DH asked me why the back of his head was so flat and so coned at top. I said because he lays on his back all day and can't move his head from side to side. Tummy time for him doesn't happen because he can't move his head from side to side.

It's not cute. It makes me sad to feel that way about him because I love his mom. But I wish the doctor would educate her on proper feeding vs over feeding.

(

Flame away! I know it's terrible of me.

Uptowngirl2009 · November 2013

I don't think it's terrible. If the baby is that big that he/she can't move from side to side, that's pretty bad. It's not healthy. I could understand if maybe there was an underlying problem causing the baby to gain all that weight. Poor baby...

BackseatDriver · November 2013

I was taught about over feeding because E gained too much when I switched to BF

ream02 · November 2013

Uptowngirl2009 said:

I don't think it's terrible. If the baby is that big that he/she can't move from side to side, that's pretty bad. It's not healthy. I could understand if maybe there was an underlying problem causing the baby to gain all that weight. Poor baby...

Nope, just the fact that they are constantly stuffing a bottle in his face.. Very sad.. And I don't want to say anything to her. She get's a lot of comments from others about her sumo wrestler baby and how he's so huge. You'd think she'd even flinch. Personally I would as a mom be upset by all the comments and realize I needed to do something. Apparently that light bulb hasn't gone off yet.

tdmd09 · November 2013

While it does sound like she feeds her baby a lot, and the spit up may indicate being overfed, my baby weighed 20lbs at 6 months, and I frequently get comments on "he's as big as my two year old!" but I only feed him when he's hungry, he pushes the bottle away when he's done, etc. Some babies are just bigger than others. My friend's baby was BF and she was 19lbs at 4 months old. But totally normal and healthy. Just gigantic.

Also, lots of babies anymore have flat heads due to the rules of sleeping on their back. Are you sure he can't move his head from side to side? If so, that may a developmental issue, not a weight issue. It'd have to be pretty darn bad for a baby not to be able to move his head. L had a flat spot on the back of his head and even though he could turn from side to side, he liked keeping his head in that spot. We had to do tons of tummy time and try to move his head in his sleep to get the spot to go away.

BackseatDriver · November 2013

tdmd09 said:

While it does sound like she feeds her baby a lot, and the spit up may indicate being overfed...... Some babies are just bigger than others.....

Also, lots of babies anymore have flat heads due to the rules of sleeping on their back. Are you sure he can't move his head from side to side? If so, that may a developmental issue, not a weight issue....

Yep, yep, yep.

bobcee · November 2013

I agree that the head may be a developmental issue and some babies are just bigger. Maybe I'm just sensitive because Zack is huge. He is already 17.5 lbs at 3 1/2 months and really doesn't eat any differently than Delilah did yet she was only 19.5 lbs at a year. I just resigned myself to knowing he is just going to be a big boy. And even though he weighs that much, he doesn't seem chunky to me, but he does look more the size of a 6 mo old to me. Some babies have to be in the 5% and some have to be in the 95%, just how it is. Also until the baby is a bit older and more mobile, you don't know if he's going to retain all of that baby fat.

My huge boy (the other baby is just 13 days younger):

botanicalbliss · November 2013

Uh, 21 lbs at 5 months is not that out of the ordinary. There are babies on my BMB that are that big and they are perfectly healthy. I don't think the problem is overfeeding, but like pps have said possibly developmental issues or side effects of being on his back too much. I think it's really insensitive to judge a baby based on its weight. There is nothing wrong with a fat baby, and what if you judged someone for their teeny tiny baby? Just because it's teeny tiny doesn't mean it's under fed or that there's a problem.

I find all kinds of things wrong with this post.

carcrashheart · November 2013

botanicalbliss said:

Uh, 21 lbs at 5 months is not that out of the ordinary. There are babies on my BMB that are that big and they are perfectly healthy. I don't think the problem is overfeeding, but like pps have said possibly developmental issues or side effects of being on his back too much. I think it's really insensitive to judge a baby based on its weight. There is nothing wrong with a fat baby, and what if you judged someone for their teeny tiny baby? Just because it's teeny tiny doesn't mean it's under fed or that there's a problem.

I find all kinds of things wrong with this post.

i do as well.

if their pedi isn't concerned, then it's none of your business.

i had no idea you were mother of the year.

my LO didn't do well with tummy time. like, AT ALL. like, would not tolerate 5 seconds. and he had a funny shaped head for awhile-mostly from sleeping in the RNP because he didn't go to the crib until 7 months of age so until he could sit more than not his head had an angle and the hair didn't grow there.

also, if it was a mother that nursed her child when it fussed or whimpered i have a feeling you wouldn't even consider the overfeeding option. also, just in case you've forgotten what reflux resolutions are-it is to feed more frequently in smaller amounts.

i would hate to think what you would have said or would say about my LO. he puked all of the time and has always been pretty "solid".

cinderin · November 2013

I am on the other side of this.

DS is in the 5th percentile. He was small when he was born (6lbs 4oz). He has been in the 5th percentile pretty much his whole life (3 months old now).

He is healthy. I was a smaller sized baby (about 15th percentile) and DH was a small baby (who gained slowly). DH is part Japanese and apparently Asians can have a slower growth rate (according to my pediatrician).

DS is also EBF so he isn't going to gain as much or as fast.

DS is also super active (lots of tummy time, lots of movement, wants to look around) and he is super fussy (cries while I rock him to sleep). So he burns a lot of calories, he is "high maintenance". Everyone who holds him says "he is so strong!".

I do hear a lot of people say he is small. People ask me how old he is (because they think I stopped by the Target on the way home from the hospital - nope he is 3 months old!).

Meh. I am doing the best I can to take care of him. He is seeing the doctor regularly. Can't change his biology.

Venti29 · November 2013

V and E eat the same amount of food at the same time of day. E has a flat spot and is bigger, what should I be doing differently?

It rubs my ass raw to always hear how BIG my daughter is. I'm tired of it, she was born a little over four fucking pounds. The fact that she is healthy and happy is my concern, not her chub.

waterfall213 · November 2013

M had always been tiny. She only weighed 20 lbs 4 oz at 18 months so are you going to accuse me of starving and neglecting her? All babies are different and if the pediatrician isn't concerned then you shouldn't be either.

AshleyMatt1215 · November 2013

I refuse not to flame.

If this were a toddler, preschooler or elementary age child would you still refer to them as fat if they were overweight?

Yes, childhood obesity is a huge problem. But, so is having kids obsess over their weight. I've had kids in daycare read labels for calories and fat at the age of 7.

No adult should ever walk around calling any child, regardless of their size fat. How would you feel if this was your kid?

pistolpackinmomma · November 2013

DS has always been a good sized baby. He is 10 months and for a couple of months now everybody has asked if he was a year old because he looks older. The reason your friend probably doesn't flinch when people talk about her "sumo baby" is because she heard it so much. At 3 months old I was constantly being asked what we were feeding our kid because he was a big 3 monther and was the size of some babies that were a year old that we knew. I typically rolled my eyes where DH tended to smart off with something obsurd just because we heard it so much. The pedi was quite content with his growth and constantly commented on how happy she was with it. Maybe others thought I was being neglectful but I think not feeding a hungry baby is more neglectful. And DS spit up for what felt like forever. He still spits about once a day or so. For the longest time he would spit up all day every day, because he had reflux! And I don't know about you but when I spend all day puking I typically am fairly hungry myself. I feed DS a lot. Like almost constantly giving him something but it's because he is a growing boy that is hungry. I will not deny my child the food he wants and needs.

Kaiene · November 2013

I always feel the need to "defend" DS in public because people think he's older than he is. He was 35" and 28lbs at 18 months, so he looks big and people expect him to be able to do things that he can't, just because of his size.

I know it's easy to judge, we all do it. But we do need to try and think about the mom's perspective.

ream02 · November 2013

I totally agree and get what you all are saying. DS has always been in the top 95% or higher in all counts, sometimes off the chart, but he's well proportioned so he's never looked unhealthily fat or even really chunky for that matter. Just a big baby/kid.

This baby seriously looks unhealthily large. I feel mean for even thinking it.

ream02 · November 2013

Kaiene my son is almost 19 months, 29 lbs and 36" so very close to your's. He just looks older, but not unhealthy at all.

I do think of it from the mom's perspective because I told my DH that if everyone was pointing out to me personally every time I saw them that my kid was huge, or could be a sumo wrestler or anything of the sort I'd like snap after awhile. This is why I say nothing to her.

TinyTRex321 · November 2013

ream02 said:
Kaiene my son is almost 19 months, 29 lbs and 36" so very close to your's. He just looks older, but not unhealthy at all.

I do think of it from the mom's perspective because I told my DH that if everyone was pointing out to me personally every time I saw them that my kid was huge, or could be a sumo wrestler or anything of the sort I'd like snap after awhile. This is why I say nothing to her.

That is very big of you to not judge her to her face and only behind her back.

ream02 · November 2013

I'm stating my concerns to strangers. I'm not talking to anyone else behind her back. I pointed that out to my DH because he makes comments to her all the time when we see her and I tell him it would bother me as a mother as I can see from many comments here my feelings on that are justified.

My son also puked frequently even after we determined that he could not have any dairy what so ever and he was never diagnosed with reflux, as I know that can be a cause.

My feelings on how she was forcing food or a bottle in his mouth all the time was because she doesn't try anything else. She automatically jumps to feeding him even if he just ate recently. He refuses sometimes and she keeps trying to force him to take the bottle and then he pukes after the small amount he had, which leads me to believe there is something else bothering him, not just always hunger.

I knew this was a very touchy subject and I completely understand everyone's pointing out that my feelings or very least my pointing out my concerns are uncalled or I'm a low person for even bringing this up. I get the defensiveness. I do.

I honestly love this gal and really just want her to realize that there can be other issues, not just hunger that he's fussing over. Including just fussing for no reason. She's pushing about 40 ounces of formula down him or more a day per her.

And lastly CCH, I don't find myself mother of the year. I could improve on many areas myself in motherhood and otherwise. I don't deny that.

nic77du · November 2013

Have you asked her how much formula he usually eats in a day? That's really the only way to know if he's being overfed.

greenbeanqueen · November 2013

Some of the "fattest" babies I have seen grow up to be the skinniest kids. I don't think it's really fair for you to assume that all she ever does is feed him either when you are not there 24/7. That's awfully assumptive of you. It is so easy to judge other people's parenting when you are not in their shoes. Yes obesity is a problem in this country, but he is a baby for heaven's sake. He can't get up and run around, he can't play and exercise. Also, he may have some medical reason he is the way he is and his mom has resigned herself to just taking it when people call her baby a sumo wrestler. She may take it to heart and just be strong on the outside and cry at home, or maybe she just hasn't had enough to lose it yet. Either way you ARE talking about her behind her back because saying anything about someone to ANYONE that you wouldn't say to their face is being two faced no matter how you look at it. I try really hard never to say anything about anyone that I wouldn't say if they were standing right there with me. It's hard but I also have realized that everyone has their own cross to bear and my judgment just adds weight to that cross when I should be trying to help lighten it. That's JMO but as a teacher I have seen just how much damage words can do.

carcrashheart · November 2013

i still don't think there is any way you can spin this so that you are in the right. i just don't. stop being so concerned. keep your eyes on your own baby.

BackseatDriver · November 2013

Some babies are chunky, even really chunky and some are naturally thin. I think pediatricians get more concerned about the rate of weight gain rather than the weight itself, at least that was the case for my son. I don't think you are supposed to change how much you feed just because your baby seems chunkier than most even if people comment on it a lot, ya know? I don't know your friend so it is hard to say whether she is overfeeding or not. I will say that I have had moments where friends handled their infants in ways I don't really agree with and sometimes it is hard not to judge. Hopefully for your friend's baby the weight is NBD and he catches up with his milestones. Flat heads are really common these days, but I'm sure the pedi evaluated it at the last visit and wasn't concerned. Once he can sit I'm sure his head will start rounding out and then once he starts crawling he will lean out a bit I'm sure.

cinderin · November 2013

I think you just don't *know* what is going on with a baby.

As I mentioned, my son is super fussy/high maintenance (!!!).

I am sure some people think I am just a bad mom because my kid cries (a lot). All I can do is my best. DH and I take care of him the very best we can. We feed him, change him, play with him, bounce him, take him for car rides, take him for walks, put him in the stroller, put him in the front pack, rock him, swaddle him, put him in the bouncer, put him in the swing, sit him up, hold him, burp him, bicycle his legs... and when none of it calms him - we start all over again.

Do strangers (and some family) think we are doing a bad job? Yup.

I guess they had easy babies :-) or maybe they don't remember how hard it is. I don't know and it doesn't really matter.

I have been told "he isn't tired" or "he isn't hungry" or "you need to do this". The truth is that sometimes he *is* hungry and sometimes he *is* tired, but he gets himself so worked up about it that he can't/doesn't fall asleep and/or eat.

People who have had easier babies (I am guessing) tell me "he will eat when he is hungry" or "he will sleep when he is tired". It isn't true for him. Sometimes he needs quite a bit of convincing. Often we have to bounce him (to calm him) and try to get him to sleep or eat again. And again and again...

I doubt you can do too much damage offering a crying baby a bottle. If you could, a bet there would be a lot of damaged babies. Offering DS a breast (and sometimes a bottle of expressed breast milk) is one of the very first thing I do when DS cries. I would expect most parents do the same.

If your only complaint is that he baby is fat and when it cries she tries to get it to eat, well then I think she is probably fine.

botanicalbliss · November 2013

I want to hug you @cinderin! Sounds like your little guy is a handful. You're doing a GREAT job!

pistolpackinmomma · November 2013

1.) Your thoughts that she should be bothered by this is not justified at all. You cannot tell someone how they should and should not feel about something. By that logic a lot of people would think I didn't care because we made jokes back about DS's weight. People deal with things differently.

2.) I don't think you do truly understand the defensiveness of everyone on here or you wouldn't still be trying to say how right you are. As it was stated above, no adult should ever call a child (much less a baby) fat! Fat is such a hurtful word and has caused many issues in my life.

3.) Even posting it here to a bunch of internet strangers is still judging her behind her back. And keep in mind that this is a completely public forum, one that your friend could stumble upon. Imagine how she would feel knowing someone that she thought was the one person not judging her was really the biggest fake and simply judged her quietly!

4.) I'm sure it looks like I force feed my kid sometimes too. He gets distracted and fights the bottles but yet throws a fit and shows hunger cues if I stop feeding. He ends up eating in small spurts and sometimes from the crying ends up with extra air in his stomach and pukes.

ream02 · November 2013

I just want to say, I apologize to all of you for having offended and I completely agree after reading your responses my thoughts have been wrong. Very wrong. There is likely something I don't see. It's not that I say she should be bothered. I would be bothered out of defense for my child. And yes, silently I've done judged by her in my eyes force feeding him and vocally here but I don't live with him and obviously I can't rightfully know what could really be going on.

I have been very ignorant and blind relating to this and realize after reading many of your responses that I'm wrong. Most especially for using the word fat. I agree, babies are all different and they are babies. My daughter was super easy. My son a handful with food allergies, fussiness, spitting up and I'm sure I too have been judged by my failures many times with both.

I think we do all do our best and will definitely have learned from this as I generally am not a judgement and am a very easy going (to the point it irritates my DH) person.

So something came good out of this post even if I was wrong. I learned a lot about myself and my thoughts and I am not proud of it at all!

Have a great day!

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