Tipping Doormen in NYC

hiketheworld · November 2013

Hi everyone,

I'm mostly a lurker, but my husband and I have been working on improving our finances so I am seeking some advice! One category we spend more than we really should given our student debt is on gifts. We live in Manhattan, in a building with a considerable staff- a super, maintenance, 6 doormen, and then another 5 or so other people. It is customary to give these people holiday bonuses. When i looked around online last year, I was astounded to see that people often give each doorman $75-150 or more. We could not do that as we had just moved and did not have a lot of money. We gave the most that we could, a total of about $600 spread among the staff. This year, I would like to give less, but I really don't want to offend the staff. They are really great! They knew our names the day we moved in, they take our packages and dry cleaning, and are friendly every day. What do you think? Should I pay the same as last year, pay less, or am I underpaying and just need to suck it up? I realize that this will probably sound insane to those who don't live in Manhattan or a place like it, it certainly was a shock to me when I moved here. I just want to do the right thing while being mindful of our spending.

Smonet · November 2013

Personally I think you set a bar last year and if you give less that could be offensive. However, I don't know what is customary in Manhatten but I wouldn't go less.

hoffse · November 2013

Frankly, that's exorbitant. But like PP said, you started something last year. If it were me I would probably sloooowly ratchet it back year by year and hope they don't notice because I'm kind of awkward like that. But, they probably will.

Here's something else to consider - this is your money. You really aren't obligated to buy gifts for anybody, ever. For 98% of America, a $25 gift card would be a very nice, thoughtful, and entirely unnecessary gift for service people. Heck, I give my secretary a $50 gift card at Christmas - and she works for me 40 hours per week. And I'm matching what the other associates in my firm do. The partners give $100 to their secretaries.

A doorman? No. Absolutely not. But then, I live in a part of the country where we don't have doormen. And I'm also one of those people who generally feels like NYC is almost another country entirely, because it's so different from the way the vast majority of America operates. So you probably shouldn't listen to me on this one.

hiketheworld · November 2013

I agree with you both. I'm from the Midwest and living here is like living abroad. I sometimes struggle to follow and understand the local way of doing things. The holiday tipping was one thing I have never really dealt with before. At my firm the most junior associates give their secretaries $100 in cash and every year you add $5-10. What partners give varies, but I heard that one at least adds $100 for every year he has worked with the secretary. I gladly give my secretary the money at the end of the year and a gift on secretary's day because she is amazing and I work with her every day.

When I was investigating doormen tipping last year, I read several recommendations of tipping one month's rent. That is just ridiculous- my rent is over $3000. But, in some ways they are like wait staff in that they get a significant amount of their income from tips. However, doormen here are unionized and make a good wage too. The jobs are really difficult to get and people tend to hold on to them for a very long time.

I really struggle to keep my expenses down when everything is so expensive and we both work so much. There is no Target, WalMart, discount grocery, or Costco that is practical for me to get to. They exist, but are far from where I live and I have no car. The only thing that I've found is cheaper in NYC than other places is fruit- so long as you buy it from a street vendor and not a grocery store!

vlagrl29 · November 2013

I don't know how you can afford to live there. My BFF works in Manhattan and lives in Jersey City and every time she comes back in town to visit she always mentions how broke she is and how she even had to put daily living expenses on a credit card. I'm one of those people that thinks xmas is way too commercialized when it really should be about spending time with people. Heck I would love to have a xmas where our family doesn't buy for anyone except the kids.

Belthil · November 2013

I agree with @vlagrl29 too many people focus on what they get at Christmas.

Now, I don't live with doormen so I'm not sure about the etiquette for tipping them but I think that you should be able to scale back without problems. And if you do, you could write a heartfelt note in the card, something more personal. That may mean more to them than the fact that they got $20* less this year. Plus, if they remember exactly how much they got from everyone the year before they are putting way too much emphasis on getting things rather than the spirit in which it was given.

*random number that I picked out of thin air

hiketheworld · November 2013

Manhattan is pricey, no doubt about it. We both were offered good jobs before moving here so we knew we could swing it. We spend less than we earn, we save and pay down debt. However, because of the HCOL, we don't get to pay down our student debt as fast as we would like and that means we do have to hold off on some things that we could have if we lived somewhere with a lower cost of living, such as buying a house or having kids.

Tipping Doormen in NYC

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