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I Need Advice
I posted this on The Bump, but I thought I might get a little more help from over here.
I have an older brother and he has my only niece. Since she's been born (Jan.1,2010), I've gotten her something for every Christmas and Birthday- even just because gifts at times. I'm a proud Aunt, I wouldn't have it any other way. FF to 2012, when I have my first child and making big brother a first-time uncle. He bought DS's stroller as a baby shower gift in May of last year. However, his first Christmas has passed and first birthday- he received nothing from him. Now, it's coming upon another Christmas and I've already asked big brother for a list of my niece's wants. However, he hasn't asked about my LO. We have a pretty good relationship, so I don't know how to go about this. Big brother has a great job as a Corrections Officer at Riker's Island in NYC and lives with his Mom- he looks out for his GF's son and God-sons, ect. So I know money isn't an issue. Do I just leave it alone like I did last year, and not say anything? Or should I casually mention some things that DS may like? I was thinking of saying, "Do you plan on getting your nephew anything?" I really don't know what actions I should take and any advice would be helpful.
Re: I Need Advice
I would leave this alone. Even if you say "Such and such would be great for our kiddo's room or even a savings bond" it is very likely he may not follow through and get the gift.
Hopefully this will pass before your son is old enough to see that the cousins are getting gifts from Unc but not him. GL.
I would probably just keep it to myself. No one really has to give gifts. It is extremely weird that he wouldn't, but there really isn't much to do, IMO. Kind of surprised that your Mom hasn't said anything to him. I sure know my Mom would be the one to say something if anyone was going to. Lol. Good luck and maybe he will figure it out on his own. Best wishes.. xo
A gift is given because the giver wants to give it. It's absolutely not something to tell the giver "you need to give a gift". That kind of defeats the purpose.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
let it be.
If you want to buy your niece a gift, buy one. But don't make it a tit for tat thing.
Not making it a tit for tat thing, I will continue to do for her regardless. Thanks for the advice.
Exactly! I know it shouldn't be tit for tat, and I certainly will continue to buy for my niece but I can't help but to feel like we're being slighted in some kind of way. If anything, I think the nephew (your only one) should be on the same level as GF's son, but that's just me. Thanks!
I get everything you're saying. I guess my issue was because he only has ONE nephew- my LO has made him a first-time uncle. The reason I said money isn't an issue, is because he lives with his Mom to pocket money not because he is struggling. He lives in NY and I live in VA, and he will go all over the world on cruises, ect. which is nice. However, he won't make a trip to see us- I'm always the one that goes up to NY. My frustration lies with this relationship being one-sided. I get where you're coming from though and I will not mention it.
This says something different. I could say about my DH and BIL that they have a "pretty good relationship".... WHEN they see each other. They get along, I really like BIL, etc.
BUT - oh my.... it's VERY one-sided too. I'll spare the stories, but it's one-sided. And the biggest lesson I've learned - MY having a child will not change who my BIL is. As much as DH and I hoped that DS might get BIL to come around more, perhaps stop by when driving literally 5 minutes by our house to see their parents (He too lives in NY, we're in MD, ILs are outside of DC).... it hasn't. BIL loves DS - I know that. But he's simply not an involved uncle and DS hasn't made BIL change his routines.
This is the lesson. Your having a child isn't going to change "who" anyone else is. And it's not going to change your relationship w/ your brother.
It sucks. DH and I both "get" this but we're both still frustrated by it! However, it is what it is. You like to give gifts, you make an effort, you go visit. He doesn't. This is who he is and your son simply isn't going to change this about him.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
I agree with everything you said. When I originally said that we have a pretty good relationship, I was basing that on the fact that we text back and forth, he'll send me pictures of my niece (if I ask for them). Sometimes, he'll fill me in on his situation with what's going on in his life, ect. Before I had a full time job, he would get me something for my birthday/Christmas and pay for my bus ticket to go to NY. (Back when I was living in SC with my parents). To me, that's better than nothing, but it could be much better. You're absolutely right that my DS will not change his behavior. Thank you for your advice.