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WWYD Parenting, but I'll take all opinions!
This is ended up being really long, sorry!
Every week A is sent home with a Friday folder. It has around 15 different expectations for the class and behavior. You can either get a N, I, or S.
All through out A's time in school (he's in 4th grade) he's had something similar to this each week. At most he may have had one bad week a year for talking. This year he came home with an "I" for not being quiet during instruction time, and a note a the bottom saying he was very chatty that week. I emailed the teacher just to make sure it wasn't a one time thing, and apologized for him disrupting the class and she let me know she had to talk to him multiple times.
So he got his iPod taken away for a week and was warned if it happened again, all electronics were gone.
He was good for two weeks and then came home last Friday with not one "I" but 3! Again, I emailed her and it seems to be he has a friend that he just won't shut up with. They both are screwing around during instruction time which leads to her having to repeat herself again because he didn't hear her the first time. Because of this, he was marked inconsistent for using time efficiently and being a proactive listener and learner in addition to being quiet.
So everything's been taken away all week. He's miserable but I told him I'm not messing around with school. He's shown he could control himself the right way ever since pre-k and just because he has this new friend, I'm not going to let his behavior slide. He did ask to move his seat away from the friend last week but she only moved him one seat over.
Now here's my problem. My grandparents say I'm being way too hard, and that their kids never had Friday folders. That he isn't perfect and he should only be grounded a few days not a week, and his grades are good, which is what I should be worried about. I say that he's old enough to not be a pain in the butt in school, he's plenty capable of making the right decision which is keeping his mouth closed. He's not just effecting his work, but the other kids as well. So far this week he has said he's been good and hasn't gotten in trouble once. We'll see tomorrow.
So am I being too hard? Is there anything I can do to work with the teacher if he keeps doing this? Conferences are in a few weeks, so if he's still having a problem I'd like to be somewhat prepared.
Every week A is sent home with a Friday folder. It has around 15 different expectations for the class and behavior. You can either get a N, I, or S.
All through out A's time in school (he's in 4th grade) he's had something similar to this each week. At most he may have had one bad week a year for talking. This year he came home with an "I" for not being quiet during instruction time, and a note a the bottom saying he was very chatty that week. I emailed the teacher just to make sure it wasn't a one time thing, and apologized for him disrupting the class and she let me know she had to talk to him multiple times.
So he got his iPod taken away for a week and was warned if it happened again, all electronics were gone.
He was good for two weeks and then came home last Friday with not one "I" but 3! Again, I emailed her and it seems to be he has a friend that he just won't shut up with. They both are screwing around during instruction time which leads to her having to repeat herself again because he didn't hear her the first time. Because of this, he was marked inconsistent for using time efficiently and being a proactive listener and learner in addition to being quiet.
So everything's been taken away all week. He's miserable but I told him I'm not messing around with school. He's shown he could control himself the right way ever since pre-k and just because he has this new friend, I'm not going to let his behavior slide. He did ask to move his seat away from the friend last week but she only moved him one seat over.
Now here's my problem. My grandparents say I'm being way too hard, and that their kids never had Friday folders. That he isn't perfect and he should only be grounded a few days not a week, and his grades are good, which is what I should be worried about. I say that he's old enough to not be a pain in the butt in school, he's plenty capable of making the right decision which is keeping his mouth closed. He's not just effecting his work, but the other kids as well. So far this week he has said he's been good and hasn't gotten in trouble once. We'll see tomorrow.
So am I being too hard? Is there anything I can do to work with the teacher if he keeps doing this? Conferences are in a few weeks, so if he's still having a problem I'd like to be somewhat prepared.
A: 10.02.03 M: 01.28.11
Re: WWYD Parenting, but I'll take all opinions!
I don't think you're being too hard at all. I think that he needs to respect his teacher and listen and follow instructions when he's supposed to.
grandparents are never tough enough:)
The Rowdy Roberts
Definitely keep the punishment, but try to get to the root of the problem. Talk to A and the teacher. is he getting in trouble at one specific time of the day? Sometimes kids get antsy right before lunch or after the sugar rush of lunch. Is it a particular subject? Maybe he's struggling or bored. Don't let him put all the blame on his friendship with the kid.
Explain that while he might be smart enough to understand what the teacher is saying, some kids are not that smart and it's not fair for him to distract them.
Also, ask the teacher not to repeat herself to him. Maybe he needs to get left behind a little bit to realize that his actions have consequences. I assume he likes to do well in school and not understanding might just be enough of an annoyance that he'll shut up. I have a policy in my classroom that if you are talking when I am teaching I will not answer your questions- they get really mad but they get the point quickly.
Have A ask the teacher to move him further away from his friend, and try to come up with something positive for when he gets a good Friday Folder for a few weeks. If he is really struggling to keep himself together you two should set some realistic goals. Maybe his goal is to only get 1 I next week- if his goal is unobtainable (or seems that way to him) he won't be motivated to even try.
You're doing the right thing!!!!! Keep it up, Momma!
@queensteph17 Those suggestions are awesome. I think I was so frustrated because I know what he is capable of. I will ask her at the conferences if she notices what time a day it usually is. That makes a lot of sense, he's awesome at reading but struggles sometimes in math. So it could be related to either one of those. I was going to use him using his electronics as incentive to getting a good folder, but maybe I will add in something else for him as well.
I agree with everything Steph said. At A's age, friends have a lot of influence over behavior. I dread looking at the classroom list every year because of the kids he will be in class with. Once C understood that its not only the teacher he is disracting by his behavior but the entire class as well, things got better.
While A has always been a good boy, you cant let him get away with behavior that has always been unacceptable to you just because its not happening all the time. Thats how things get out of hand because he will see that he can get away with it. If you stay strict with him now, it might make things with M easier because he will see whats expected from him through A's actions and your reactions.
When C got into trouble and had things taken away, he had to earn the right to get them back, by getting good reports. He would initially get the item back, but there was a time limit on how long he could use it. Then we would keep it and give it to him as we saw fit until he got better reports and he got it back full time. He started seeing a pattern with his behavior and now can avoid these issues or be redirected after being spoken to one time instead of multiple times.
I know A is miserable right now, but thats the point of punishment right? It will make him stop and think before doing something like that again.
Yeah thats take a long time to sink into C's head. Im like dude, Im not their mom, deal with it.
Its hard to make them understand that we are preparing them for the future. Things are way different than when we went to school. UGH, that makes me sounds old as shit. But its the honest truth.