Frustrated.

lifeonthehill · November 2013

This is just a MM vent.

H and I were working completely opposite schedules. He has a 9-5 office job and I work one job out of town three days a week and come home to work 5-10 at night and 1-11 on weekend nights. We were stretching ourselves thin and have only had one day to spend together in the last two months. On the flip side we have been able to pay off another 4 thousand in SL debt.

This morning I was offered a part time job in an office as an assistant. I will work M-F 9-1 and make about 50% of what I make now but also work less than half of the hours I have now and will work on campus just like H does. He begged me to take the job and be available to spend more time together.

This means that putting up 2 thousand a month to SL debt is going to fall to only 1 thousand. I know in the long run this will be a good move and will lead to full time office jobs in the future but I am still so irritated that as of now we will be taking twice as long to pay these off.

Ducktale · November 2013

Aw, sorry your frustrated. I remember your posts about working crazy hours to pay off your debt asap. I do think your husband has a point. I would imagine not seeing each other that much would put quite a strain on your marriage, and you'll want to make sure your relationship is as healthy as possible when starting a family. Only you two can decide what's right for you, but it sounds like you know what you need to do. Again, sorry you have to put off your plans a little longer.

hoffse · November 2013

This is when I like Suze Orman - as she always says, "People first, then money, then things." I think in this case it's very true.

As long as you can continue to pay of what you owe, this is a good move. Getting out of debt faster is great, but not if it's going to make your marriage strained.

H and I have lived apart for going on two years because he took two years off between undergrad and law school to "find himself." When he found himself and decided to become a lawyer (which is what everybody told him was going to happen anyway), he ended up going to the same school as me. So we had a great engagement year where we overlapped - me as a 3L and him as a 1L. But I found a job in a different city - and luckily he did too for after graduation. But that means that now we're in our second year of living apart. He lives 3 hours away from me, and we see each other every other weekend or so. It's been rough, not going to lie. I've had to deal with some issues about that because sometimes that little voice in my head says, "There's no reason why we have to be apart except he took time off that he really didn't need to take." It's not fair of me - he wasn't prepared to start law school when I was - but still, sometimes I can't help but think that when I start to get frustrated or lonely. As we get closer to his graduation date I become less and less bothered by the distance because I know it's ending soon, but it sounds like your H is having similar feelings. It really sucks to be lonely when you're married - and it's not a feeling you expect to have as a married person. We did get me a cat to keep me company (and she's basically perfect), but it's really no substitute for your spouse.

Assuming you don't actually need to be paying $2,000/month on your loans, I think I would take the job and the pay cut. Pre-payment is not worth the cost to your marriage.

MommyLiberty5013 · November 2013

I'm pretty sure that as dedicated to paying off your debt as you are that it will get done. But it (the debt) doesn't care about you and doesn't care how much "time" you put into it. Your DH does and your marriage does. This is one of those questions, "At the end of this what will I have to show for it?" You may have a $0 balance and have that freedom faster, but at what cost?

vlagrl29 · November 2013

I think you need to take the job honestly. I could no way work your schedule girl! I think it's awesome you are so dedicated to paying off that school loan, but it's not bad debt! it's ok if it takes longer to pay off. I would much rather spend time with my husband that at 3 different jobs.

Xstatic3333 · November 2013

Congrats on the job offer! Sounds like it is the right decision for your family. Plus, you never know, a full time position could open up quickly, or you may find other places to cut back once things are less crazy.

Though I generally agree that no debt is good debt, I think federal student loans are about as close to good debt as you can get. You sound very dedicated, so I'm sure you'll pay them off quickly, but I think it's the right choice to not put your life on hold. We've made a similar choice with my student debt (H's is crazy low interest). I'll try to get slightly ahead of the ten-year plan early on, but we'll still take occasional trips, save for retirement and a down payment, live our life, etc.

Good luck with the new job!

Sisugal · November 2013

"People first - then money" is a famous Suzy Orman saying. You need to prioritize your relationship and then work on the debt in a reasonable manner. Life is not about money, just be responsible and sensible with your choices. Consider paying a bit extra each month on the loans, throw gift money, bonuses and tax refunds on that debt as well . Maybe cut back a bit on non essentials, but do enjoy being together. If you really want to knock those out - try for a local PT retail job -a few late afternoon/evening shifts a week.

Sisugal · November 2013

"People first - then money" is a famous Suzy Orman saying. You need to prioritize your relationship and then work on the debt in a reasonable manner. Life is not about money, just be responsible and sensible with your choices. Consider paying a bit extra each month on the loans, throw gift money, bonuses and tax refunds on that debt as well . Maybe cut back a bit on non essentials, but do enjoy being together. If you really want to knock those out - try for a local PT retail job -a few late afternoon/evening shifts a week.

DaringMiss · November 2013

Sisugal said:

If you really want to knock those out - try for a local PT retail job -a few late afternoon/evening shifts a week.

This!

I am sure that with the holidays coming up, you can find a more local part time job to fill in some extra income, but I definitely agree that not seeing your husband is not the most beneficial for your all-around happiness.

Good luck!

KTdidit · November 2013

Congrats on the job offer. I know how much it sucks to have to change your plan and take longer to pay off debt, but like all PP's have said - your marriage should come first. You will still be able to pay off the debt and you both will be much happier personally. Reevaluate in 6 months and see if taking on a PT job is feasible, or something you even would want to do.

lifeonthehill · November 2013

Thank you for all of your resposnes! I know you are all right but it is just hard to wrap my head around. Hopefully we will still be able to pay them off quickly still. We thought that was our priority but after actually trying it out we both realized that we needed to come first.

As of right now the loans will be paid off in the summer of 2015 but we may decide to have a family before then and slow it down even more. As long as we can acomplish it within our five year(fall 2017) plan we will be happy!

vlagrl29 · November 2013

and you can totally have a baby while you are still paying them off

I'm pro baby. If you wait for all your finances to be in order you will always feel like there is something else that needs to be in place.

lifeonthehill · November 2013

vlagrl29 said:

and you can totally have a baby while you are still paying them off I'm pro baby. If you wait for all your finances to be in order you will always feel like there is something else that needs to be in place.

I wish we could have at least the loans paid off before we started TTC but I am starting to think having a life is more important than waiting around to have one. Haha.

vlagrl29 · November 2013

alyssaames said:

vlagrl29 said:

and you can totally have a baby while you are still paying them off I'm pro baby. If you wait for all your finances to be in order you will always feel like there is something else that needs to be in place.

I wish we could have at least the loans paid off before we started TTC but I am starting to think having a life is more important than waiting around to have one. Haha.

I"m a firm believer in that

Erikan73 · November 2013

Another vote for taking the part time job (which will open bigger doors down the road more then likely) to spend more time with your husband and yourself before you become majorly burnt out. I would rather spend time with my husband and pay debt off a little slower.

I'm assuming when you say 50% pay cut you are looking at hourly. Don't forget the value of not having to drive out of town with the cost of gas and wear and tear on your car and any other costs you have for that job.

lifeonthehill · November 2013

Erikan73 said:

I'm assuming when you say 50% pay cut you are looking at hourly. Don't forget the value of not having to drive out of town with the cost of gas and wear and tear on your car and any other costs you have for that job.

It is a 50% pay cut overall. Not just hourly because I had two jobs before which paid different but totaled to be $400 a week of take home pay and now I will only have about $200 take home.

I accepted the job and start next Wednesday! I am getting excited but I really like the jobs I have now and wish I could finagle all three. Haha. H is excited to do a date night on the weekends and I am excited to have more time together on the day to day. It is going to be an adjustment but a good one!

Erikan73 · November 2013

Congrats and good luck with everything!!! :>

Frustrated.

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