Sex & Romance
lucyloodarling
member
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Hubby and I are on different schedules, and pages!
Hi everyone. My husband and I got married this summer, so while I thought we would be in this great, passionate newlywed stage this just isn't so. My husband works 3-4 over nights a week, so there go a few days a week that we won't be getting any action. The days that he has off, he spends sleeping, is too tired, or just doesn't want to have sex. And I totally understand that he's tired and works hard, but I can't help to feel a little undesirable after a few days of being turned down. I work a 9-5, Monday through Friday, and when I'm ready to roll, he's not interested. And if he's ever ready to roll, it's late in the night and now I'm too tired.
We also have different ideas of what sex should be. He always wants it to be "fun" and goofs around the whole time and wants to get right to business, and while that's fine sometimes, I was hoping for some more passionate foreplay and take-me-now kind of sex. The kind all couples have when they start dating. I guess I just miss that part. But I tell him this and he still just wants to "have fun" and usually it turns me right off. This didn't start recently, it's been this way since before we were married but I guess now that we are living together (we both lived with our parents before we got married - we're 26, so young but not that young!) I just expected it to change up a little since we now have the freedom of our place to do what we wanted, when we wanted.
I guess what I'm hoping to get out of this are some tips from couples who are on different work schedules, and sometimes have entirely different ideas of what sex should be. I didn't expect this to be a problem so early on, help!
Re: Hubby and I are on different schedules, and pages!
I've read countless times that scheduling sex is a good way to ensure that part of your marriage stays active. Easier said than done, I've found, and even harder trying to convince your H that it's actually a valid idea. Still, it's an idea.
Tell him;......."OK once a week we will do it your way...I'll bend over the sofa and you do what you want to, but on Thurdays you have to give me a full body massage with lots of kisses and make love to me like a real lover"......
Hopefully he eventually gets the idea that way!
However, I would be most interested to read your alternative 'cure'.......
The OP has been thru the obvious waypoints by asking and pleading with her husband for a better sex life but this has failed almost totally.....her husband has apparently absolutely NO interest or intention of either listening to her pleas or of taking the time and care to become her real lover....
....All of this is true, as you must admit. The man appears to be a selfish moron and the OP needs to be a much better negotiator and strategist if she is ever going to change his attitudes.
Where partners have very different sexual interests there is usually much to be gained by a basic deal of this type...it works well becasue it shows each partner exactly what the other wants or needs for optimum satisfaction. Usually, over time, both partners come closer in their mutual understanding and hopefully this will happen here to the OP. And, yes, it does look like she will spend time just providing sex for her husband that does nothing for her,...but then, she is doing that NOW. With this method she stands at least a fighting chance of getting her man to take an interest in her and learning how to be a skilled lover....in exchange she will start to understand how basic are her husbands sexual needs and be able to provide them with increasing ability.........
.....Thats actually what marriage is about....helping each other to realise their needs with care and love, not the sublimation of one partners wishes and men and women are VERY different.