How Do You Keep the Secret?!

LuckyAngel07 · November 2013

It's been 2 days since my BFP, and I'm DYING to call everyone I know and tell them!! How the heck do you keep this quiet and not lose your mind? LOL!

We told our parents yesterday. There was no way I could go without filling them in immediately. I told my sister within a couple of hours of getting my BFPs on the FRER and CBE tests. She's been so wonderful, understanding, and supportive during our journey, I simply couldn't NOT tell her right away.

Also...my company's Christmas party will be on December 13. Definitely earlier than I plan on telling anyone here. However, how the heck am I supposed to get away with not drinking at it and NOT raise questions?? I'm always right there knocking back a few drinks with my coworkers at happy hours and past Christmas parties (and the after parties!).

saisongbird · November 2013

As for the drinking, you can make non-alcoholic versions of some of the drinks - or drink Ginger Ale in a champagne glass, like I did at a wedding I went to when i was 6 weeks. As for after parties, pretend to start coming down with a cold a few days earlier and then beg off for the after party since you're "sick."

The way I didn't go crazy was this board and my BMB on the bump. I knew I could talk freely here and it wouldn't get back to people I knew IRL. We didn't tell the world until 12/13 weeks, but some people knew ahead of time.

sparklingdiamond · November 2013

I was pretty terrible at keeping it a secret. I told my parents and brother and a few close friends and DH told his family pretty much right away. Then as the weeks went on, I slowly told more people. It really helped having this board that I can share everything with!

amccul20 · November 2013

its really hard. but once you get over the inital excitement of it all its easier to reason with yourself and remember why you're not telling people yet.

and then before you know it you'll be thinking to yourself, how the hell do I hide this from these people?!

LuckyAngel07 · November 2013

saisongbird said:

As for the drinking, you can make non-alcoholic versions of some of the drinks - or drink Ginger Ale in a champagne glass, like I did at a wedding I went to when i was 6 weeks. As for after parties, pretend to start coming down with a cold a few days earlier and then beg off for the after party since you're "sick."

This will work for a friend's party in a couple of weeks (as long as no one sees me mixing my "cocktails"), but the company Christmas party typically just has wine and beer as the alcoholic options, so there's nothing much I can try to masquerade as alcohol.

I did just get off the phone with my OB's office to make my first appt. That'll be Dec 3, so maybe after that I'll feel better filling in a few coworkers. I guess we'll see!

JLyn821 · November 2013

Keeping the secret is super hard! The only people that found out right away were the lovely GP and GPM ladies. We didn't tell our parents and siblings until I was almost 8 weeks. The women I work with figured it out once I started getting nauseated around 7.5 weeks. Other than that, once our immediate families knew, we waited to tell extended family until I hit 2nd tri. After that, we announced on FB at 15 weeks.

But seriously, it's the hardest secret to keep EVER. Like PPs have said, this board will keep you sane!

amccul20 · November 2013

LuckyAngel07 said:

I did just get off the phone with my OB's office to make my first appt. That'll be Dec 3, so maybe after that I'll feel better filling in a few coworkers. I guess we'll see!

I was wondering about this! Dec 3 will be here before you know it

AshleyMatt1215 · November 2013

We had it easier with parties than most, neither one of us drinks - so no one suspected!

It was really hard to not tell anyone, the only person that knew right away was H's best friend because he had to tell someone. We didn't tell our parents until 10 weeks, because I was too scared.

I became a master liar during those weeks... haha.

PinkinProvence · November 2013

I actually enjoyed having our little secret. It felt nice to have something all to ourselves for a little but. We told our immediate families at 6 and 7 weeks so they knew almost immediately. Otherwise we waited until at least 14 weeks - I can't remember. I waited until about 17 weeks at work.

I also had a work cocktail party during that time. I snuck to the bar and ordered ginger ale and cranberry. Once, someone came next to me while I was ordering so I ordered a real drink and dumped it in the toilet bowl when I got a chance.

LuckyAngel07 · November 2013

PinkinProvence said:

I actually enjoyed having our little secret. It felt nice to have something all to ourselves for a little but. We told our immediate families at 6 and 7 weeks so they knew almost immediately. Otherwise we waited until at least 14 weeks - I can't remember. I waited until about 17 weeks at work. I also had a work cocktail party during that time. I snuck to the bar and ordered ginger ale and cranberry. Once, someone came next to me while I was ordering so I ordered a real drink and dumped it in the toilet bowl when I got a chance.

This would definitely be a good option for me. I've never bothered asking what the nonalcoholic options were the past 3 years! I'll have to see if I can pull this off (although I'm really thinking there is no hard liquor, so walking around with anything except a wine glass or beer bottle is going to be an obvious non-drinking flag).

PandPMeant2B · November 2013

I called my sister the night I got my BPF; we talk every day and she knows everything so there was no way I could keep it from her even if I wanted to. She even told me she was going to ask me if I was pregnant the same day, but got distracted by something. We're waiting until Thanksgiving to tell our parents, but only because we really want to tell them in person. I'll be 7 weeks then.

We don't mind telling our close friends earlier than 12 weeks, but it doesn't feel right telling anyone else before our parents. We went out with some friends on Saturday and we made sure to get there early so I could tell the waitress that I wanted club soda, but my friends will think there's vodka in it, so I asked her to ask me if I wanted "another one" when my glass was empty instead of specifying what it was. It worked pretty well. We went out after dinner, so I made sure DH bought the first round of drinks and when it was someone else's turn to buy drinks, I conveniently wasn't ready for another one until it was DH's turn again.

This board has helped A LOT, since this is ALL I want to talk about!

LuckyAngel07 · November 2013

PandPMeant2B said:

I called my sister the night I got my BPF; we talk every day and she knows everything so there was no way I could keep it from her even if I wanted to.

This board has helped A LOT, since this is ALL I want to talk about!

I chat with my sister throughout the day while we're working, too. Part of the reason I'm dying today is because she's not on our chat program!!! I have a feeling she stayed home from work, since when they got home from their Disney cruise, she and my niece both had nasty colds. Boo!!

And seriously, I feel like posting about a million difference things. I don't want to become the biggest PW ever within 48 hours of joining the GPMers! Haha!

PandPMeant2B · November 2013

LuckyAngel07 said:
I chat with my sister throughout the day while we're working, too. Part of the reason I'm dying today is because she's not on our chat program!!! I have a feeling she stayed home from work, since when they got home from their Disney cruise, she and my niece both had nasty colds. Boo!!

And seriously, I feel like posting about a million difference things. I don't want to become the biggest PW ever within 48 hours of joining the GPMers! Haha!

This is us. We chat intermittently all. day. every. day. She has 2 kids, so I'd rather go to her with all my pg nuttiness than Dr. Google. Sorry shes not around for you to chat with today! Feel free to chat with me lol.

amccul20 · November 2013

LuckyAngel07 said:
And seriously, I feel like posting about a million difference things. I don't want to become the biggest PW ever within 48 hours of joining the GPMers! Haha!

for real post all you want! you are going to have so many questions the first couple weeks and we all had the same questions, so we understand!

Also there were so many scary stories I was reading on my BMB and the 1st tri board on the bump that my counselor advised I stay away from them and it was such a good suggestions. so keep that in mind.

LuckyAngel07 · November 2013

amccul20 said:

LuckyAngel07 said:
And seriously, I feel like posting about a million difference things. I don't want to become the biggest PW ever within 48 hours of joining the GPMers! Haha!

for real post all you want! you are going to have so many questions the first couple weeks and we all had the same questions, so we understand!
Also there were so many scary stories I was reading on my BMB and the 1st tri board on the bump that my counselor advised I stay away from them and it was such a good suggestions. so keep that in mind.

Good to know. I think I'll just stay away for now, lol! I already know and love my GP/M ladies!

brij2006 · November 2013

What worked for us was having H get pretty tipsy and me say that I'm not drinking so I can drive his drunk ass home. It worked and was only questioned once and by his grandpa. He asked if I was pregnant and I just chuckled and said "very funny." Figured I wasn't saying yes or no.
Good luck. The hardest part us keeping the secret.
However, I spilled to a coworker before another coworkers wedding. That way she could help back me up. If someone went to buy a round of drinks she would give the bartender my order and just tell the other person that she knows what I like.

DangerMuffin23 · November 2013

I've been pretty terrible at keeping it a secret. I've told three friends so far. But they were involved in my "sub-fertility" nightmares and there was no way I couldn't tell them. Plus they help make me virgin drinks or change the subject etc when I need help getting out of a sticky spot!

carcrashheart · November 2013

I've never figured out why it's such a big deal to NOT drink for people and why it's a whole big "omg what WILL I do?!" Kind of thing. People don't always need to drink and not drinking doesn't mean something is up.

We told parents and I told work immediately and friends as I saw them but we didn't announce until he was born. It is possible.

PandPMeant2B · November 2013

carcrashheart said: I've never figured out why it's such a big deal to NOT drink for people and why it's a whole big "omg what WILL I do?!" Kind of thing. People don't always need to drink and not drinking doesn't mean something is up. We told parents and I told work immediately and friends as I saw them but we didn't announce until he was born. It is possible.

I think it depends on your circle of friends and what you usually do when you get together. Drinking is almost ALWAYS involved for us and our friends (not in excess, but everyone always has at least one or two), so if someone doesn't drink at all it does men something is up. Could be pregnancy, not feeling well, on meds, etc. But there is always a reason. If we're around people we don't know well, then they can just think I don't drink. My friends know me better.

Edited for quote box issues

sgautschi · November 2013

I'm no help. I told my parents and siblings in person the day after my BFP, and his parents/siblings the weekend after. I planned on waiting to announce to everyone else on FB with an ultrasound picture at 10 weeks, but the anxiety got to me and I caved at 5 weeks. It felt so much better having it off my chest.

wiggyslilsis · November 2013

I was the same as @sgautachi everybody knew by 7 weeks. I had to tell my work because I was throwing up multiple times a day which was hard to hide at the daycare.

LuckyAngel07 · November 2013

wiggyslilsis said:

I was the same as @sgautachi everybody knew by 7 weeks. I had to tell my work because I was throwing up multiple times a day which was hard to hide at the daycare.

I am praying I don't have to deal with this! My mom was sick with all of my siblings (and us), but my sister didn't really have any m/s. I hope my pregnancy goes like my sister's did!

kanels11 · November 2013

I am no help either. We told our parents and sisters right when we found out. I figure I was ok with telling people I would want to support me if something were to go wrong.

As far as drinking goes, I would either get a cranberry and 7up or some other mocktail.

KatieKim0815 · November 2013

I know what you mean - it's so hard!!!!

As for drinks I would say you're the designated driver or on antibiotics/medication that permit you not to take it at that time and pretend you're super bummed about it.

LittleLady77 · November 2013

It's so hard!! This is kind or morbid (sorry) but I just really didn't want to "un-tell" anyone and I would remember that before I blurted anything out.

LuckyAngel07 · November 2013

@KatieKim0815, OMG the antibiotics/meds excuse will be PERFECT for my company Christmas party!! YES! TY!

@LittleLady77, don't be sorry. My mom even told me yesterday, when I said I'd prefer not to tell extended family (aunts/uncles/grandparents) just yet, that she completely understood, because it would be awful to have to take back such great news if something were to happen. My rationality is currently at war with my desire to be a total AW about this though, lol!!

LittleLady77 · November 2013

LuckyAngel07 said:

@LittleLady77, don't be sorry. My mom even told me yesterday, when I said I'd prefer not to tell extended family (aunts/uncles/grandparents) just yet, that she completely understood, because it would be awful to have to take back such great news if something were to happen. My rationality is currently at war with my desire to be a total AW about this though, lol!!

Totally! It's so hard. I finally ended up blurting it out at 10.5 weeks to most people (the plan was to wait way longer). lol I still haven't been brave enough to do a FB post but maybe after my A/S

Uptowngirl2009 · November 2013

It is really hard to keep the secret. We are slowly revealing to more and more people (close friends). We're waiting until Thanksgiving to tell the whole world and DH's family and I want to make sure I tell my bosses first. It's so hard though! I hope you are able to hold out until you are comfortable telling!

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