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I can't win.

I have a somewhat strained relationship with my stepmom.  It's not bad, per se, but it's not as easy as it could be.  I have been trying so hard in this pregnancy to include her in everything.  Around 12 weeks, she told us that she and dad wanted to buy the baby's furniture for the nursery, which was a very generous offer.  We went shopping this weekend and I called them and said that we wanted to be respectful of whatever price point they were comfortable at.  They said find a few sets, we'll call you Sunday and chat.  So we did and they did.

Dad put me on speaker phone while I told them about the furniture, and then said hold on a sec and the sound cut out.  Because I couldn't hear anything, ok, I'm off speaker phone.  They were generous with their offer and apparently, I thanked Dad but not stepmom.  We've already written a thank-you note to both of them for this.  Well, Dad just called and step-mom apparently is in a tiff because she heard me thank Dad but not her.  I really thought I thanked both of them.  This is not the first time this thing has happened and it's NEVER intentional, but I feel like crap.  And I don't know how to go about it "Hi stepmom, I'm sorry I left you off the thank you for the wonderful gift you're giving us?"  Ugh.

Two things:

First off - I really thought I thanked both of them.  I would swear it.

Second - The speaker phone thing sucks.  If I hadn't been on it in the first place this wouldn't have happened.  Not their fault, but still crappy.
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You made my wedding day complete.


BabyFetus Ticker

Re: I can't win.

  • Ugh I am sorry :-(  Hopefully she will get over it!
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  • ugh i'm sorry you're dealing with that.  did you tell your dad that you know you thanked both of them how sorry/crappy it makes you feel.

    I wish he wouldn't have told you that she was pissed, because that just puts both you and him in a terrible/uncomfortable position.

  • That's a shitty situation. I'm sure that however you phrased the "thank you" it was not intended to leave either your dad or SM out, and it's pretty crappy she's getting all worked up over it. Yes, it's a very generous thing they're doing for you guys, but if you did not intentionally exclude her from the verbal thank you, she really should relax a bit.

    I hope you're able to iron it out easily and with minimal stress. Now is not the time for her to act like a diva.
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  • Sounds like my MIL. I literally can never win. I try to control what I can, but not let her dictate my mood or decisions.
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  • Man. Can you write her another note? It sounds like you're going to have to baby her.

    How annoying, I'm sorry.
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  • Ugh that is annoying. I'm sorry you have to deal with this!

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  • Sorry you have to deal with this! I know a few people who are always the victim and turn things around on people who have good intentions.  Can you ask your dad how HE thought it came out (if he thought you were leaving her out or if it was just her) and maybe he can smooth things over with your step mom?
    imageimage
  • Sorry this is more stressful than it should be. IMO she needs to get over it and realize of course you were thanking both of them. One of the only things i can think of to help the situation would be a nice thank you card for her. Hope she fixes her attitude soon.

    Waiting on my baby girl <3 EDD 2/5/14 

  • Thanks for the feedback, ladies.  It's been making me upset all day.  Now, I see I have two additional missed calls from Dad, and I haven't called stepmom yet.  WTF could be up now?
    imageAnniversary

    RIP Dr. Irving Fishman - 10/1/19-7/25/10 - thank you for holding on for me.
    You made my wedding day complete.


    BabyFetus Ticker
  • Your SM seems needy. I have several family members that are very much like this. They are so hard to deal with since I always feel like I have to walk on eggshells and say or not say things. Unfortunately I realized late in life I will never win so there's no sense is stressing myself over it. 

    The only thing you could do is send a card to her directly saying that you appreciate all of her involvement with baby and for their wonderful generosity. 

    Speak sweetly so that if you ever have to eat your words, they don't taste bad.

    ~Unknown~

    Lesson learned!!

  • Honestly- I wouldn't worry about it.  It sounds like she is going to get her panties in a bunch no mater what you do.  Just tell your dad you thought you thanked them both and if you didn't your sorry but you really are appreciative and that you hope your step mom knows you well enough to know that about you.

    They offered to do something nice, you said thanks.  What does she want you to do? Grovel at her feet? 

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  • Maybe she feels under appreciated in general? I don't know. Otherwise it seems like a silly thing to get that worked up over. Sorry you are dealing with that :(

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  • My SM is very similar and my dad always calls to tell me when I've pissed her off, which I really hate because it puts me in an incredibly awkward position. You could try calling her and slipping in another special thank you for her, send a nice note, or talk to your dad and convey again that the thank you was meant for both of them.
    BFP 9/22/10, missed m/c 11/1/10 at 9w3d, D&C 11/3/10, diagnosis: trophoblastic hyperplasia
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