Relationships
cutesmile86
member
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
I'm so miserable in this relationship
I have no one to blame but myself. I created a post a few months about wanting to break up with my boyfriend of four months now because I'm literally getting nearly nothing out of this relationship. He makes almost no effort. He's never done anything thoughtful, gone out of his way or nothing. I can't be the one making all the effort either. Every time I try to end things he says something that guilts me and its just like I freeze up and don't want to be hurtful so I agree to work things out....again. Its actually kind of comical. I get hopeful for a bit that just maybe this time it will be different but its not. He says one thing but his lack of action screams another.
He has a very important test in the next week or so. He's had very little time to prepare for it so I told him I understand that we can't hangout or talk much and will try my best to supportive. I haven't spoken to him in a week but he sent three texts saying hi, I miss you, how are etc. I replied the sameRight before this we were having another break up talk and I gave him my word I will try my best & be supportive.
But really I feel like I have nothing left to give. I have no motivation. I actually just feel foolish/stupid staying, I am. I don't even feel like texting him anymore because my texts have mostly been ignored in the past before. I'm pretty sure I want to end things because overall the relationship has been mediocre, there's just nothing to save. What am I fighting for? The last time I talked to him, I gave him my word I was going to try my best and be supportive! It just makes me a flake not to even be trying...... even if I'll be the only one doing so. Should I just let this relationship fall apart on its own? Or keep my word & pretend to feel what I don't? Thats doesn't seem nice either. I don't know anymore.
Re: I'm so miserable in this relationship
Why do you keep coming here ? You know we aren't going to say anything different than we have already said several times.
Listen, you need to get yourself together here. I understand you are coming here for support and comfort and you certainly have gotten it over and over again, but come on now. Gather your self respect and your courage and end things.
You obviously have low self worth. How do I know ? Because a woman with high self worth wouldn't keep doing this time and time again. She certainly wouldn't have " given her word "to remain in a crappy relationship. I truly don't intend that as an insult or to be mean, please know that, but you must get to the bottom of why you let men treat you like this.
Why do you let men treat you like this ? Are you that afraid of being single ?
Your "word" isn't the law. HE may get upset, HE might throw it back in your face - but SO WHAT?!?!?!
you're wasting time. You know that. This isn't the guy for you.
I 100% "ditto" everything Disney said too.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
just let it go - end it. you're wasting your time and you are ultimately going to regret staying in the relationship for as long as you have been (if you are genuinely that unhappy). If you see no future and you are not happy then end it. You're not doing yourself any favors by staying in the relationship.
Why do you wish to prolong the agony?
Meet with him in a public place and tell him you are going your own separate way. That's all you need to do.
Clean break, do not keep in contact with him. GL.
PS: Counseling for you --- you are having a hard time asserting yourself and you need to stop dating such wishy washy guys --- and you need to recognize when something is over. Nip this in the bud now.
I'm sorry but I have to come back to this.
Ok, a few months ago you didn't want to break up because he was working a lot of hours and because of Ramadan. Then you didn't want to break up with him because he was still working a lot of hours and it was his birthday. Now, you don't want to break up with him because he has a big test coming.
I know you are a smart girl, but you have to know he is manipulating you. There will always be something going on. After this test will be the holidays, then V-day, then Tax season and before you know it, you will be going on your one year anniversary and you will still be back here complaining about how you invested too much time in this relationship.
I guess I am having a hard time understanding why you keep going back to this guy. Again, and not to be hurtful, I think it is due to low self worth. Step outside of yourself for a moment and think about how sad and pathetic you are sounding right now. You wanted to break up with this guy back in August because of the same complaints but here you are. Why ? Are you afraid of being alone ? Do you not think you deserve better than this ?
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
I know of a woman who permitted herself to be left on a shelf by a "boyfriend." he stalled her and told her "I can't see you right now" and he gave her every everlovin' excuse: this was going on in his life, that was happening, this was coming down the pipeline, etc...
And she permitted herself to be left on a shelf.
You are doing the same thing to yourself. You can't break up with him because of this. Or that's happening and no you can't do it and that's happening so no, breaking up with him right then is out...
WHY are you doing this to yourself? You are permitting yourself to be left on a shelf! It went on for months and months.
Bid this gent adieu. As I suggested, meet him in a public place -- a mall, a coffee bar, a diner -- and just take exactly 1 minute to say "Listen; I am moving on. This reationship's not for me. Sorry" and that is all you need to say. Then get up and go home. Clean break. No contact with him "as a friend" after that, no nothing.
I have a friend similar. She is a very big people pleaser. She stays with these guys who do not treat her well and she is like trying to fix them, not sure exactly. She now has a kid with one of them. He is a horrible guy and does nothing for her or the baby, yet she stays with him.. She is so unhappy with this guy. It is really sad and now he is in her life no matter what and I know her, she now will not get rid of the guy since they have a baby together.
Like everyone said, there will always be something goin on or coming up. You really need to work on yourself alone and know that you are better than needing to be in these bad relationships. Good luck girlie!!!
You are not a device through which other people enjoy life. You are a person with feelings and rights, who also wants to enjoy life.