Money Matters
mrsbrouchoud
member
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Who Pays The Bills?
Hello! I am very newly married ( Since 10/19.) I love my DH very much and he's in the finance industry. I have had a little trouble getting used to the idea of saving money, usually I'm a "have money, spend it!", after my responsibilites of course. DH and I don't have a joint bank account, but he works at our bank, so his name is on my account so he can cash checks, transfer money, etc between the two of us. We tried to have just him control the money, pay the bills, etc., but we fought all the time, becuase I felt like he was controlling me and how I spent my money, etc., so we went back to each of us handling our funds, but he could still see my account and transactions. I do realize I am part of a couple and I need to get a better handle on spending and possibly going back to having one person control our finances, but I'm not sure I want the drama that might come with it. How do you guys handle your finances? Does one person pay the bills in your household?
Re: Who Pays The Bills?
Love: March 2010 Marriage: July 2013 Debt Free: October 2014 TTC: May 2015
What we're trying for right now is me coming up with a budget for both of us. I try to give him plenty of wiggle room and some "slush" money. My student loans come from my paycheck, his car from his, etc., and we both contribute to our down payment savings. We split joint bills the same way we did pre-marriage, and it works out pretty even. After his health insurance and pension are taken out, our take homes are similar.
So far he's done great on prepaying debts (we're snowballing his car) but, like you, has really resisted putting any money in our down payment account. He says he wants to work on it, but gets very nervous that he'll need the money later, leaves it in his checking, and eventually spends it. If this keeps up, we'll probably redo the budget so he pays more of the bills and the savings money just comes from me.
It's definitely a negotiation for couples like us with different money approaches. I know it's a cliche, but communication and compromise are key. I know, for example, that H would be miserable if we went "warrior mode" on our debt like a lot of the bloggers I read are doing. I won't ask him to. He, however, respects that I want to do above the minimum and is making it happen. I try not to be too naggy, but also to seek his input on the budget and respect his concerns.
DH makes a little more than double what I do and we have separate accounts. I do the actual "paying" of the bills but our mortgage and utilities all come out of his account. Once money is taken out for retirement, and any other monthly expenses (like DH's PT, pet-related expenses, groceries etc.) we go ahead and let the rest of his paycheck be "fun money". We check the account online every couple of days to make sure we aren't spending too much, but for the most part neither of us nags the other about what they bought and we run "big" purchases (over $200 or so) by each other first.
My Paycheck goes straight into savings and investments. It took me a long time to have the discipline to not go out and spend all the money from my account (a long time). DH comes from a family of savers and I come from a family of spenders so there was definitely a learning curve there for me, and for the most part DH let me make my own mistakes and helped catch me when I stumbled, but it helped me learn how to budget and make things work. If he hadn't let me learn from my mistakes and instead chose to micromanage my account I would have gone nuts.
Our method has evolved over time, and we started doing things this way because we wanted to buy a house and have a large down payment. There were also whispers about potential layoffs at his work and we wanted to have enough saved up just in case.
We do this too. We have joint everything. I do all the bills and budgeting, but we sat down and came up with a set amount of "fun" money for each of us and what counts as coming out of it. No judging, etc. Basically it's for wants (lunches at work, I get my nails done, out with friends, etc), not needs. I track it on mint.com and keep H updated on how much he has throughout the month. If we have leftovers - I usually ask him if he wants me to put it aside (my bank allows this), or if he wants it for the next month. That way he can save for bigger things he wants.
Congrats!
DH and I joined bank accounts when we got married over 1 yr ago. We usually sit down every 2 weeks when we get paid and see what needs to be paid and transfered into savings. We rarely fight about money but what we do is give ourselves a bi-weekly allowance of $100 and we get to spend it on whatever until the next check. If there is something bigger we want to buy such as a golf club, or a northface jacket, we will just discuss it and put those bigger items on a credit card and pay it off in full when the bill comes.
Your budget should include some personal, no accountable money for each person - an amount agreed upon and also agree what it goes for - lunches out? haircuts? clothes? or just blow money?. Some people keep it in a separate account. This allows for non essential spending without working against the budget or other person's financial goals.
Don't forget to have a line item for savings and retirement and other items that only happen occasionally (vacations, gift occasions, car tags etc)
I highly recommending tracking EVERY dollar spent in the household and then sitting down and looking at where the money is going. THEN decide if that works for getting you to your goals. Adjust your spending accordingly.
We sat down every 2 weeks to pay bills together (my DH had no clue where the money went at first and this brought him into the "whole financial picture") and we looked ahead at the next 2 weeks for any unusual expenses coming up that are not the usual budget items.
Money is a tool - use it wisely.
Set up an emergency account of 6 month's expenses. The unexpected happens in life.
Save for future large purchases - vehicle replacements , furniture, vacations etc
Save for 20% downpayment on a house if you plan to buy
Basic rule of thumb - SAVE first -(consider it a bill) and plan your spending. Do not spend more than you take in. Pay off credit cards IN FULL EVERY MONTH!
If you have any debt also read Total Money Makeover by Dave Ramsey -- it isi highly motivating.
I didn't read all the other responses, but first of all the most important thing is that you get on the same page about finances and financial goals. Whether you keep joint accounts or separate, this is crucial, or you will face lots of tension for years to come until you get on the same page. Mutually agree on a budget, monthly savings goals, and where the savings will go. This will take compromise, neither of you will get everything you want, you need to give and take. A lot of marriages are between a saver and a spender, or people who just grew up seeing money differently. That's okay.
Then a lot of people build into their budgets personal expenses, a set amount of money each get per month to spend as they please, no oversight from the other person, no asking permission, etc.
We did have some disagreements when we were first married, but over the years we have settled on a good system for us. All of our finances are joint, so all of our bills are paid out of the same account. I keep track of the budget and bills because I'm just more organized than he is. We budget in a certain amount each month for our own personal expenses that we each spend as we please. We have savings goals that we agree on and aggressively work towards. It works for us. This would not work for everyone, so you'll need to find what works for you.
We have separate checking accounts and a joint savings account. I set up all of the bills for both of us and have 2 excel spreadsheets (a short-term and long-term) to keep track of things. I pay the mortgage, utilities, cell phone, and my credit cards. DH pays for day care and his credit cards. We both pay our credit cards in full every month and if an item is over $200 or so we might let each other know- depends on what it is. Big purchases (like appliances, new laptop, etc) we usually make together anyway so that's never been an issue for us. We put a % of our paycheck into savings automatically every 2 weeks as well. We'll start 529 plans for the girls once they go to kindergarten. We both contribute to retirement (401K and 403B) and DH is part of our state's retirement plan. We sold my condo, bought a house, paid off 2 cars, paid off DH's student loans (about $37,000), and had 2 babies since we've been married (2006). This has worked for us- I like handling the finances and DH is more than ok with that.
In your situation, it sounds like you and DH should come to an agreement about your overall financial priorities. Like others have suggested, it would be good for you to agree about what your financial responsibilities as a couple are and how much money you want or need to keep set aside to meet them. Then you can take a look at how much extra money you have every month and designate some of that as "fun money" for each of you to spend however you want.
All of this has less to do with who is technically paying the bills, but is more about being on the same page with financial priorities. You will probably both have to make some compromises (maybe less overall savings than DH would like but more than you are used to), but this is really important because financial disagreements are one of the most common reasons for divorce.
I haven't read the responses yet - how do you split your bills if you have separate accounts? Do you split everything 50/50 or does he pay for some bills while you pay for others? I know this works for some couples, but it wouldn't work for my H and I.
It sounds like you and your H have different priorities when it comes to money, and you really need to be on the same page. It's so important that you save money, especially for an emergency fund and retirement. I know it probably feels like he is giving you an allowance when he handles the bills, but as long as he isn't micromanaging your every purchase, I think that is the route you should go for now. Maybe look into some free personal finance courses if there are any in your area. Bottom line is, you both need to be on the same page financially and be willing to compromise. I agree that you should be able to spend money on fun stuff, but not at the expense of not saving for your future.
All of our accounts are joined, and I am the one who pays all of the bills. I am better with money than DH, and that works out for us.
As a married couple you have to look at money as our money, not his or hers.
We have a joint account and we each have a personal account. Both of our paychecks goes to the joint account. DH does a budget and pays the bills and puts some money in our savings accounts and then decides how much we will pay ourselves to our seperate accounts that week. It is always equal amounts and that is money that we can do whatever we please with. It definitely works well for us.
Try to read Total Money Makeover (or at least the chapter on budgetting). It may help you and your DH communicate better about money. Set a budget every month and it should include things that are important to both of you. If he is the saver, you should support that, but he also needs to understand that you aren't going to feel guilty about going out and buying clothes with the money that you agree upon. But agree and don't go over that. Having shared goals can really help with this. We are going to save $300 a month for a cruise to Jamaica or something can help you understand why you are saving as opposed to we are going to save $300 a month for some vacation in the future, or we are going to save $500 every month for retirement. You may be what Dave calls a free spirit with money, whereas your DH is the nerd of the family. Its okay to have both, but you have to be able to communicate!
Hope you get it figured out, and post a budget on here if you need some help getting started.
H lived in our house before I moved in and I lived in a different country for school so he had all the accounts set up under his name and all the bills are sent to his email. Because of that he takes care of paying the hydro, water, etc. I do all the day-to-day book keeping, take care of our cc bills and am in charge of our savings account.
We combined all of our bank accounts and have a joint cc. I have one cc that I keep separate as the credit accumulated on a joint cc is only tied to the male on the card so if we were to get divorced or something was to happen to him I would have very little credit. I haven't done a lot of research on this it was something that I was told by my financial planner, I also live in Canada so I'm not sure if its different in the states.