Sex & Romance
06md
member
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Desperate much?
Well, I will have to say I am a little desperate already.
I have close to 5 months married and my husband and I have had sex ONCE! This is the most frustrating situation I've been in forever.
When we were dating we didn't have the hottest sex life, maybe because he was very respectful as we were always in his how [living with his family] and I was kind of ok with it because he once explained me he didn't want to disrespect his house and things like that... But now that we're married I expect what is supposed to be given to me.
I have talked to him a lot about this topic, I've said it nice and calm and also angry and frustrated. I don't know what else to do. He keeps saying he will change it but nothing happens. We have not only been married for almost 5 months but we have been living together for 10 months.
Any ideas on what I should do?
Re: Desperate much?
What happens when you try to initiate...or don't you try??
What has happened in your relationship previously?
When you were dating did you have any normal sex-play and petting?
How close are you?....and how much can you talk to him deeply about stuff?
Is he just very unsure of himself sexually?
Is he impotent, or having difficulties that you don't know about?
Is he a bit afraid of your sexuality?
Is his upbringing against him functioning normally?
...It needs much more detail to get a complete picture.....If a man has a very strict and religous upbringing where sex is severely frowned upon then bad psychological problems are just around the corner when he moves to adult sexual activity......just becasue a man becomes adult and married does NOT flip a magic switch that frees his mind and emotions when they have been purposely damaged by wrong upbringing.
If the answer is "because we could not afford to live on our own" this is already a whole other story.
Do not even think of getting married or think of living together unless you and your partner are self sufficient: if you cannot pay your own way on your own, you are financially not ready for the next step.
That you lived with his family is no excuse --- he won't get busy because hs parents are there and there won't be any respect for that home.
How much more hollow and flimsy does it get than that?
It could very well be he is not a sexual kind of guy. You cannot change that at all;
You either accept it or you ask him for an open marriage arrangement or you move on and get the marriage annulled.
I suggest another talk with him --- that is key --- do it when you and he can talk for a good long time. Be brutally honest and demand answers.
I also suggest therapy: a conventional therapist for you both and a sex therapist. What is happening here is not healthy nor is it normal
Go alone to the therapy and sex therapist also; see what these people have to say about your marriage and sex life.
He owes it to you to make things right; twice a week would be great for the frequency of sex. I am sure he can manage that much.
What about your place, a hotel, a weekend get away, some secluded lover's lane?
What I see here too and this is extrinsic of the sex situation: you and he have 2 very distinct ways of communicating. He is very quiet and you're a lot more vehement about expressing yourself.
That is not bad in itself -- but the 2 of you need a way to communicate with each other effectively.
Have an honest talk with him -- no interruptions --- if you need to bring notes, do it. He's got to get it that what's happening is bothering you; you love him and you want to be with him physically more than you are doing so now. Nothing wrong with saying that to him.
He cannot be a silent partner. He cannot expect you to be a mind reader. He cannot be quiet and shy about expressing himself. He's got to speak up more and be honest with you.