How to reply to this (adoption related)

Flamingo86 · November 2013

As we begin sharing our plans to eventually adopt, we have started hearing the cliche "adopt and then you'll get pregnant!"

Not only is this incredibly trite and untrue for most infertile couples, it is especially insulting to us as we can get pregnant but not stay pregnant. I cringe every time I hear it. I've even been told this by people who know that we have had multiple losses.

My therapist suggested I come up with short, to the point responses to people's dumb questions/statements, but I am stumped on this one. I need to find a short reply that doesn't go into the whole "Sad multiple loss story, using highly effective birth control and pretty sure I won't get pregnant, no it's not because I am too skinny/exercise too much or not enough/have a thyroid problem etc. etc.." I don't owe people an explanation, but I also want to refute an incorrect assumption.

What do you think? Any suggestions?

Edited for spelling.

RockABye · November 2013

What about 'Nah, I'm on birth control" and that's it? Short, sweet, and to the point? Or even "Not likely, I'm on birth control while we focus on adoption". Then just leave it at that.

nfp147 · November 2013

Are you open about your losses? If not, you could just say something like "well, wouldn't that be a surprise".

Or, you could come up with something snarkier. I always feel a bit bad after my snarky responses though because 99.9% of the time people just don't know what to say and end up saying something dumb/hurtful.

Flamingo86 · November 2013

@Rockabye, I like that. Thanks.

Flamingo86 · November 2013

@nfp147 I am open about my losses but don't necessarily want to go down that road when I tell people we plan to adopt. When I have in the past it's often ended up in a train wreck with people trying to suggest things to keep me pregnant next time around.

I think of good snarky responses in my head, but end up feeling bad after I actually say them!

Aimothy · November 2013

"That lucky scenario won't be happening for us, I'm on birth control because we are 100% moving forward with growing our family through adoption."

amandaf6383 · November 2013

I think any of the responses are good :-)

nightmare_of_beauty · November 2013

I think previous post are good responses.

sgautschi · November 2013

Yeah I like the birth control comments. You'll probably still get the "well you never know" comments afterwards, but you could just shrug those off.

ETA I hope that you don't have to deal with too many of those comments, and instead have excitement from those you tell. Adoption is very exciting, and I'm very happy for you.

liall09 · November 2013

What about something that focuses on your feelings on adoption? Something along the lines of, "We're excitedly focusing 100% of our attention on giving a loving home to a child/children who need one."

Flamingo86 · November 2013

Aimothy said:

"That lucky scenario won't be happening for us, I'm on birth control because we are 100% moving forward with growing our family through adoption."

Perfect.

cinderin · November 2013

I would probably just say "I hope not" and hope that makes them quiet down, but the other ladies had nicer suggestions. :-)

Flamingo86 · November 2013

cinderin said:

I would probably just say "I hope not" and hope that makes them quiet down, but the other ladies had nicer suggestions. :-)

I actually have said this, in all seriousness. Throws them off.

BruinsBabe33 · November 2013

Are throat punches not acceptable? Hmm... Then what Aim said.

poppies717 · November 2013

Aimothy's response is perfect!

ILoveRedVino · November 2013

If I were feeling snarky, I'd probably say something like "oh, getting pregnant hasn't been a problem" and let them wonder/ponder that.

But I like that when focusing in adoption you won't bring up losses. I like the other suggestions but in all reality, I'd probably just smile and blow it off. I'm not snarky in real life.

barefootbluejean204 · November 2013

Yeah, although I'm a little surprised that someone would say that, I guess I shouldn't be. I agree with most of the girls here that although snarky would be tempting perhaps the person saying the statement doesn't know the full story and means well. I imagine if someone doesn't know a whole lot about TTTC they would struggle with what to say in the first place (just a guess)

How to reply to this (adoption related)

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