Advice needed

emily1004 · December 2013

I was a little unsure which board to post on but this post has to do with my H and I, and our friends.

First off, we love our friends and we love spending time with them, however here's the problem: I am allergic to cats and my H is SEVERELY allergic to them. Everyone is always inviting us over to their homes and we can never stay longer than a half hour because of our allergic reactions. We feel awful because we are always turning people down. One of our couple friends is having a New Years Eve party. A bunch of our friends are going to be there and we really wanted to spend the holiday with all of them, but you guessed it, they have two cats. Now we are at a loss as to what to do for New Years. I don't want to alienate our friend but every time we go we are miserable. How would you handle this?

CowgirlK39 · December 2013

My whole entire life I was allergic to cats. I'm talking, the all out eye-watering, throat swelling, nose-running-for-days, type of allergic. When I met my DH, his family had five and lived in a trailer. I heard about Chloroseptic Allergen Blocker, and bought some. I put it on around my nostrils before going over his place and after about a month, the weirdest thing happened..... I was no longer allergic. I now own four cats. My brother had the exact same story and he now owns a cat. I cannot say it will do the same for you but I HIGHLY recommend that stuff.

But aside from that, are they aware of your allergies? Have you ever planned something instead of them coming up with the plans? Mention to them that some day you would like to have a GTG in public instead of a home because of your allergies. If they refuse or do not consider you, then you politely decline all invites and tell them why. Real friends wouldn't subject you to that if they really cared.

doeydo · December 2013

My FI is allergic to dogs but if we go somewhere that is going to have dogs, he will take a Benadryl. Maybe you and your H could talk to your doctor(s) about this.

GilliC · December 2013

I have friends who are very allergic to my cats, so I keep some strong OTC allergy medicine in my cabinet in case we end up at my place unexpectedly or they forget to take some before they come over. Are there any meds you can take? Have you spoken to your doctor? If there's something you can take, I'd suggest keeping some in your purse so that you always have it when you need it.

Otherwise, just talk to your friends. I understand that it's uncomfortable for some of my friends to spend time at my place because of their allergies, so we plan to have things at their places instead.

I think the ship has sailed on NYE if they've invited other people already, but just talk to them and offer to host in the future so that you can all be together without the medical issues.

Sillygirl45 · December 2013

I started allergy shots many years ago because of just this. I was so tired of having to leave places, or worse, break out in hives. Benadryl works great, but puts most people to sleep.

I never finished my shots (like most people) but it did seem to help. I take Zyrtec for my seasonal allergies. It doesn't make me as sleepy and it works ok.

Your options are to try meds, decide you've had enough and start allergy shots (it's a long process, but the only thing that may bring long term relief), or avoid cats and suggest you get together at your house or in public.

Personally, I stopped telling people about my allergies because they seem to get all uncomfortable and swear if they put the cat away I'll be fine (doesn't work, the dander is all over the house), or so and so has really bad allergies but magically isn't allergic to their cat so they are sure I'll be fine too, etc... It's kind of annoying to have to practically argue with someone that you are really allergic, it doesn't matter how clean their house is, and keeping the cat away isn't going to help. I know they're just trying to be nice but was still so frustrating I just gave up and stopped mentioning it.

And of course, I am a cat magnet. Even cats who hide from everyone come out of the woodwork to crawl all over me

emily1004 · December 2013

Thanks for the great advice everyone! Medications usually help me but they don't work for H. My reactions consist of watery eyes, sneezing, etc while H's reactions are hives and swelling that cause his throat to close up. His doctor said while it's a rare reaction, it's not unheard of. He even suggested we bring an epipen if he ever went into shock.

We brought it up and they were empathetic to our situation. The good news is the plans have changed and we are all going to a hockey game and then out to dinner.

Advice needed

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