Sister in law for Christmas?

Jmc211 · December 2013

I just found out my sister in law invited herself to spend the night at our house Christmas Eve, because her boyfriend will be out of town. Any other time this would not bother me, but we really enjoy the tradition of having Christmas morning with just our immediate family. We have my family over Christmas Eve, then my husband's family over Christmas Day, the morning is the only time we have alone as a family and don't have a house full of people. I should also mention my sister in law usually doesn't come around unless she needs something. She usually sticks like glue to her boyfriends. We had baby last year and she has come to visit her niece maybe 3 times in over a year. So, I can't help but feel we are being used so she won't have to spend the night alone. But tis the season to be warm and welcoming. What should I do?

TarponMonoxide · December 2013

Can you offer to put her up in a hotel -- a pretty good one -- at your expense?

Tell her what you told us: you and your H wish to spend the time alone on Christmas morning with the kiddo; it is the way you always have done things.

Tell her she is welcome to come on over after 1pm (or whatever time it is you are done with the morning festivities). Gl.

Jmc211 · December 2013

Thank you for the advice. She only lives 20 minutes away, so she doesn't need a hotel. She just doesn't want to stay alone Christmas Eve. I would like to ask her to come at noon, just feel guilty because its the holidays. I know I'll resent her imposing on our morning though!

Leftie22 · December 2013

This seems crazy to me. I was single for many Christmases, and never thought of inviting myself somewhere else just so I wouldn't be alone. Everyone has their traditions, and you shouldn't have to change yours just because she doesn't want to be alone. I agree with pp that you should tell her she can come over later on Christmas Day. Nuclear family time is important! I feel very protective of my Christmas morning time with my DH and DS too. Defend your tradition! (Or make your DH do it, it's his sister, right?)

Ilumine · December 2013

Have your Husband call her and tell her that she is not welcome to intrude.

EastCoastBride · December 2013

Where is your DH on this? In the end, I'd follow his lead.

If you're both on the same page, there is nothing wrong w/ him saying "Sis, that actually doesn't work for us. Everyone, including you, are invited to come over at XX. We're not having any overnight guests".

I wouldn't really get into the "whys" of it because you only open up yourself to her trying to find holes to argue with. Just say "no".

If he isn't on the same page.... well, it's his sister and if he wants to include her, I wouldn't say no. BUT I'd have a discussion about this for the future and explain your expectations, etc. Get on the same page for the future.

Jmc211 · December 2013

I think DH feels bad she will be alone, and he also had a hard time saying no to his family. So that is a problem. I would just like a couple hours in the morning to do our own private family Christmas. His family and sister are all invited to come over at noon. So technically she's not spending Christmas alone. Do I push the issue or just go with whatever my husband decides?

Maybride2 · December 2013

I'd tell your husband what you said here - you really cherish those few hours in the morning to be your family of 3 and his sister's loneliness isn't your problem to solve. She can stay with her parents, she can stay with a friend, she can get over it and stay home, coming over at the time she was invited.

Sillygirl45 · December 2013

Your husband needs to tell her "no". Not you. He needs to explain what you already have. This is your time to make memories with your family.

I can't imagine inviting myself to stay they night at someone's house. Much less when I live 20 minutes away and they have little ones to spend Christmas morning with.

Jmc211 · December 2013

Thank you. I agree, inviting yourself puts people in very uncomfortable situations! I'll talk with my DH, and tell him how I feel, and hopefully we'll agree to keep Christmas morning just us.

EastCoastBride · December 2013

Jmc211 said:

he also had a hard time saying no to his family.

He needs to feel just as bad about saying "no" to YOU too!

chiualover · December 2013

Why ysn't she staying over at her parents? Stick to your guns!

Janessadawn · December 2013

Regardless of the reason, he needs to side with you and tell her no--even though he feels bad. It really boils down to this: she crossed a line when she assumed she could stay with you, and you have the right to form your own, private Christmas traditions with your own family. Especially since you have a new LO! If he lets her get away with this, who knows what else she'll start assuming she can do.

Sister in law for Christmas?

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