Daycare bullying advice please

PhillyGal34 · November 2013

Ds is almost 18 months. For the past month we've had incident reports because another kid keeps scratching his face. It's becoming more frequent and seems like she's seeking him out. Tonight I picked him up and he has a bandage in his cheek because she walked over to him, grabbed his cheek and left a 1/2" scratch down his face. I'm livid and asked for a conference. I was already told that they are having a counselor meet with her and her parents. I do feel like the teachers are upset that it's happening but it keeps happening.

One of my friends said "it's a developmental thing and part of growing up" but I feel like he's being targeted by this kid and I don't want him being all scarred up because of her! He's a little boy and will have his share of bumps and bruises but this seems like too much.

Am I over reacting? What would you do?

ETA- I know it isn't really bullying but I don't know how else to word it!

PhillyGal34 · November 2013

(If it matters the girl is closer to 2)

kross605 · November 2013

Ive heard of and been a part of this kind of thing happening around the 18m-2yr age. I do think its largely developmental, but clearly if its happening a lot with the same person, some additional redirection and discipline techniques need to be used. When DD1 was bitten in daycare I let it go once or twice (it was a different kid each time) but then started to get a little mama bear on them. IMO, If they know this child has this problem behavior, they need to be ON HER all the time so she cannot possibly hurt other kids, while they are working on changing the behavior.

If I were you I would talk to the daycare and specifically ask what they are doing to prevent this from happening. I cant imagine that she just goes around randomly scratching people. There has to be some incident(s) that triggers her frustration and the resulting lashing out and they should be watching for it and keeping her in their sight constantly.

PhillyGal34 · November 2013

From what I have put together, she is only doing it to my son. She was doing it to others but they realized it and avoid her. DS is too kind and still plays with her and if not, she seeks him out knowing he won't fight back.

They have been keeping a log about it so that they can figure out triggers but I have no idea if they figured anything out. I feel so in the dark!

jessica0602 · November 2013

Do you have a handbook or some sort of list of policies for the daycare? I really find it hard to believe that they would let this continue at the expense of your kid. Once, twice, maybe even 3 times (and that's pushing it), I can understand. But repeatedly letting this continue? What kind of notification have you been receiving? How come they have waited so long to address this with the girl's parents?

PhillyGal34 · November 2013

I will have to check the handbook (duh I didn't think of that)

We get an incident report every time it happens. It is signed by the teacher and the director/assistant director and goes in his file as well

I am not sure when it was first addressed with her. I know she gets incident reports as well but hers are a bit different from what I understand. I know that they had to wait for the counselor until they got enough data for the referral but I'm not sure what was done before that other than telling her to cut and file her nails more

eSynergy · December 2013

We went through similar things when Oliver was getting bitten (then he was the biter!), scratches, etc... Since this is happening so much, I think you did the right thing to ask for a conference with the teachers. They should be talking to the girl's parents and maybe keep them separate for a while.

PhillyGal34 · December 2013

We had a conference. They told us what is being done (observation, data collection, separation, changes in schedule and activities, etc) and that apparently DS loves this little girl and gets upset when they are kept apart. UGH he's already going after difficult women! I know that they've met with the parents of the little girl and that the teachers are really serious about this and upset that it is happening. Of course this isn't the first time but still it upsets them. The behavioral specialist was there as well and told us what she is doing (within confidentiality confines) to provide suggestions for the room as well.

I'm hopeful but realistic. I know it will happen again and that no matter where he is these things can and will happen. They are kids but I really want to see the frequency drop.

Oh and I found out that it isn't just him now. Which sadly makes me feel a little bit better. I don't want any other kids hurt or parents going through this but at least I know he isn't the only one being hurt. I feel horrible for thinking that.

They did tell me that many times he doesn't even cry or get upset and that they think he thinks it is play. He gets upset when they make him stop playing to clean it. he is the only boy in the class and they said that he is more physical than the other girls (which isn't abnormal) and wants physical contact and play and that that may be part of it. He really needs another boy in there I think!

Daycare bullying advice please

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