Family Matters
buttercup1958
member
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Help with my brother. Long
I've posted once on The Knot asking about how to deal with my brother and my cousins wedding. I got amazing feedback and everything turned out ok. So I was hoping that you guys could help me with this new situation. I've been agnostic for awhile and started dating my boyfriend three months ago. While these two things don't seem connect, they both include my brother. I would call my brother and we would talk about how our lives were going, and we both came back home for thanksgiving break. I'm six hours away at school so I don't see my family that much.
I would ask if Nick(brother) would want to hear about my new relationship, because we use to be close. He said no, and that he didn't care so I left it at that. He found out that my boyfriend is eight years older and flipped out. He called my relationship disgusting and that I was ruining my life. Fast forward to that night, he comes home but wants to go out to a friends place. Since he was drinking I offered to drive him because I wanted to make sure he was safe. On the way over to the apartment he finds out that i'm agnostic and refuses to talk to me. We sit in silence until I drop him off at the apartment. The tension is still there when I pick him up. We say nothing to each other and this goes into the next morining. We are all sitting by the table and my mom asks who would like to say grace, nick looks at me and says I would. I tried ignoring this passive aggressive move and let mom say grace. Meanwhile the whole thanksgiving day, he has been ignoring me and sitting in a different room. He goes out again and I pick him up. He then starts screaming at me, asking me why don't I believe in god and how could I do such a thing.
I just ignore him and tell him I'm too tired and theres no way that we will agree on this subject. So that was my thanksgiving holiday, I drove six hours back to school and have barely talked to my brother. The main thing I'm worried about is how Nick will react when my boyfriend comes to visit me in the summer. I know that could be worry about it later subject, but I'm very concerned. My boyfriend is bi-polar, but he takes meds and has good control over it. However, I'm worried that my brother's rudeness, will affect him. I already told him about the whole religion part, but didn't mention how my brother reacted. MY BROTHER is the only one who cares about the age difference, my parents just say as long as he makes me happy. So I guess this is a vent/question.
My question is would you address this issue with your sibling now, or wait until the time comes? I've already defended my relationship and told him he was having a hissy fit. I just don't want my boyfriend to drive all that way to visit me, and have him uncomfortable at my house. And I know with the religion part, I just have to let it be. It just sucks when family screams "but we are family!!" as an excuse to treat each other poorly and with no respect. Thanks for anyone who read this and can offer opinions or advice.
I would ask if Nick(brother) would want to hear about my new relationship, because we use to be close. He said no, and that he didn't care so I left it at that. He found out that my boyfriend is eight years older and flipped out. He called my relationship disgusting and that I was ruining my life. Fast forward to that night, he comes home but wants to go out to a friends place. Since he was drinking I offered to drive him because I wanted to make sure he was safe. On the way over to the apartment he finds out that i'm agnostic and refuses to talk to me. We sit in silence until I drop him off at the apartment. The tension is still there when I pick him up. We say nothing to each other and this goes into the next morining. We are all sitting by the table and my mom asks who would like to say grace, nick looks at me and says I would. I tried ignoring this passive aggressive move and let mom say grace. Meanwhile the whole thanksgiving day, he has been ignoring me and sitting in a different room. He goes out again and I pick him up. He then starts screaming at me, asking me why don't I believe in god and how could I do such a thing.
I just ignore him and tell him I'm too tired and theres no way that we will agree on this subject. So that was my thanksgiving holiday, I drove six hours back to school and have barely talked to my brother. The main thing I'm worried about is how Nick will react when my boyfriend comes to visit me in the summer. I know that could be worry about it later subject, but I'm very concerned. My boyfriend is bi-polar, but he takes meds and has good control over it. However, I'm worried that my brother's rudeness, will affect him. I already told him about the whole religion part, but didn't mention how my brother reacted. MY BROTHER is the only one who cares about the age difference, my parents just say as long as he makes me happy. So I guess this is a vent/question.
My question is would you address this issue with your sibling now, or wait until the time comes? I've already defended my relationship and told him he was having a hissy fit. I just don't want my boyfriend to drive all that way to visit me, and have him uncomfortable at my house. And I know with the religion part, I just have to let it be. It just sucks when family screams "but we are family!!" as an excuse to treat each other poorly and with no respect. Thanks for anyone who read this and can offer opinions or advice.
Re: Help with my brother. Long
We are taking things very slow, and i'll be moving in with friends next fall! So we won't be attached by the hip by any means. I like being independent and i'm happy that my bf encourages it. My last ex wanted me to be very dependent on him, and that lead to me breaking it off.
I actually realize red flags in my last relationship and broke it off, so i'll be able to spot it in case it happens. But I have mental issues myself so it wouldn't be fair of me to judge him automatically.
Thank you guys for answering my post!
Chronically hilarious - you'll split your stitches!
I wrote a book! Bucket list CHECK!
http://notesfortheirtherapist.blogspot.co.uk
and @sillygirl45 its ok i know he can be a majority of the time and ive just learn that i can't change it. i mean he is the one who said people who use craigslists are hookers and drug dealers, lol. he texted me today saying he was proud of me for doing well in my chemistry class. so i guess, i'll just aviod him when he is drinking. thank you all for responding and it really helped! luckily my boyfriend and geology family are very understanding and supportive!