Spend Less/Give More

bparkhur · December 2013

I've been thinking about this idea a lot over the past few weeks, the idea that you should spend less money but give more of yourself. In the "spirit of Christmas" I find myself spending a ton of cash--on my husband, kids, parents, teachers, etc. But I wonder how many of these coveted things will sit hardly used and then be donated within a few months. Looking at the kids rooms, for example, I see TONS of toys. We have so much crap, we're downing in it. What is the use of buying more other than to get the kids excited at Christmas? My kids are 2 and 4, in many ways, still young enough to be as excited to go look at Christmas lights and play with a new ball as they would be to get a leap pad, etc. I work a lot, and I feel like I barely get time with them, and when I do, it seems stressful. Do any of you pause when doing Christmas shopping? I don't think I would ever stop giving gifts, but I wonder if my approach to Christmas has become misguided over the years.

lifeonthehill · December 2013

I think that is the way society tends to be. My mothers love language is gift giving. She wants to show love by giving you things. To show H she accepted him into our family a few years back she bought him an xbox and games along with other gifts. When he opened them thanked her and went to the bathroom. He told me later he felt like he was having a panic attack. Growing up poor like he did they didn't get toys they got clothes and food. He was overwhelmed.

Right now I spend $50 dollars on my mom for Christmas and $75 on H. He spends the same on me and buy presents for 7 or 8 family members and spends about $400. Our Christmas budget comes to about $600 and I cant help but cringe. We aren't even getting gifts for kids yet! What will the budget be in 5 years? $1,500?

I think Christmas should be about time spent together and small gifts. My brother and I don't exchange gifts because we are more than happy with what we get from others and just want to sit together and watch polar express once a year. Next year I am hoping to wrangle the Christmas budget to $50 on each other and $20 max on each family member. $ 260 for the year.

hoffse · December 2013

I definitely understand drowning in crap. H and I got married in April and at this point we really don't need anything else. Like, not at all. We could use some new furniture - like a new mattress - but nothing is really pressing for us.

H and I have switched to "experience" gifts for most things, as have most of our family members. That and consumables. My father told me last year that the only thing he ever wanted for Christmas for the rest of his life was this particular kind of coffee. He loves it, but he's too cheap to buy it for himself. Done. My mom loves interesting spices, so I get her a couple of spices she's either running low on or won't buy for herself because of the price. Basically, she'll never have to replenish her spice stock again, because I just take care of it each year. Done. And for birthdays H and I typically get them a restaurant gift card so they can have a nice evening out. Their birthdays are two weeks apart, so we just do one gift for both.

My parents have started giving us travel gifts. For instance, I know that for H's graduation they plan on getting him a royal palace pass that's good for two people - it will let us both get into the Tower of London, Hampton Court Palace, and Kensington Palace for free when we visit, and we can actually go as many times as we like while we are over there. That's a savings of about 100 pounds to us, or $165 at today's exchange rate. That's a big deal, and I'm super excited for him to get it - he will love it (especially since we're planning on visiting all those places anyway, and he's excited to see them), and it's not more stuff to just have sitting around.

I don't know how you really avoid piles of stuff with little kids, other than being vigilant about going through it a couple times a year. I do know that some of my favorite christmas memories involve helping my mom make cookies. Sha makes probably 6 or 7 different kinds each year, and I used to love being her helper with that. She also got me involved by being her "elf" and helping her deliver gifts to other people. But I'm not going to lie - I got super excited for whatever toys were under the tree for me also.

Another suggestion: I have a friend whose rule for her children is "Jesus got 3, you get 3." I'm not super religious, but I think it's a pretty good reminder to try to stay grounded during the Christmas season instead of bankrupting yourself on yet more "stuff."

I will say that budgeting for gifts is hard. Consumables aren't so bad because typically during November and December I can get deals on them if I just watch my email offers closely. But experience gifts cost what they cost. That said, I don't mind it if it's something the recipient will really enjoy. I basically start putting $$ aside in September each year to be ready for Christmas.

Xstatic3333 · December 2013

I completely pause at Christmas. H and I are usually good with each other, although this year he's getting a larger gift that we planned and budgeted for together. I feel, however, like I'm stuck getting my parents extravagant gifts forever. I think gifts are a love language for my dad, too @alyssaames. It's intense-like, two years ago he gave three people iPads intense. As much as I'd love a simpler Christmas, I feel like I can't NOT spend about $150 on him when he's been so generous with me, especially now that school is done and we're both working full time. My mom wouldn't care, but I feel the need to spend the same on her, so there's $300 right there. $75-100 each for H's two sets of parents, booze and candy for the aunts and uncles, and before you know it we're $600 in the hole. I haven't been able to work on any savings goals this month and feel like crud about it.

My one hope of a way out of this is that once we have kids my parents will switch to focusing on them. Le sigh. I love my parents to death but I wish there was a way to just do simpler Christmases. It's the time together that really matters to me.

lifeonthehill · December 2013

Xstatic3333 said:

I think gifts are a love language for my dad, too @alyssaames. It's intense-like, two years ago he gave three people iPads intense. As much as I'd love a simpler Christmas, I feel like I can't NOT spend about $150 on him when he's been so generous with me, especially now that school is done and we're both working full time. My mom wouldn't care, but I feel the need to spend the same on her, so there's $300 right there.

I haven't been able to work on any savings goals this month and feel like crud about it.

You hit the nail on the head with the idea of having to match your father.

As far as saving goes we should have been able to save $2,000 this month but Christmas has seriously gotten in the way and we are at about $1,500. This is the first month since we really got strict with our money(9 months ago) that we haven't been able to pull it off. I know things come up but it is kind of a bummer. I have been picking up a shift or two a week at an old job to try and make up for it next month.

MommyLiberty5013 · December 2013

We don't do gifts for one another really anymore...ever. We take a trip for our anniversary and do cards and dinners out for birthdays and Valentine's. This year for Christmas DH and I are doing stocking stuffers. We dislike going crazy for kids too.

Due to our faith beliefs, I feel a desire to really reign in the "worldly" spending of money and focus on the reason we are celebrating Christmas in the first place - Jesus' Birth.

However, we still do buy for the kids. I think they are each getting a total of 4 gifts this year. One of those gifts, and their stockings, will be from Santa.

One friend I know, does this for her kids: a gift to wear, a gift to read, a gift you need, and a gift to play.

We also have grandparents on both sides who buy toys. So, we limit our own purchases there.

I loath shopping centers near Christmas time. Ick.

Ditto whichever PP mentioned buying experiences. For example, when we're out with the kids, we will pay for them to ride a toy train around together, but we won't pay for a dumb stuffed animal or toy that will get tossed on the floor immediately once we're home.

sillygoosegirl · December 2013

We struggle with this too. DH's family goes (IMO) overboard with the Christmas gifts, and we feel it would be rude for us not to reciprocate in kind. Fortunately it's not a hardship financially for us to do so, but it's stressful trying to come up with appropriate gifts for people we see so rarely. And then I feel guilty about spending so much money on DH's family and feel like we should be just as generous with my siblings who are much worse off and actually do need stuff. But I worry about putting them in an uncomfortable position because they cannot afford to reciprocate. The whole thing feels so awkward. I would very much like to make everyone happy, but I don't know how, and I spend so much time worrying about it each year. All I really want for Christmas is to make music together, and more sunshine/longer days. But my mom and dad are the only people in either family who still seem to like to get together and sing carols, and everyone else seems to feel left out by it. At least I get the sunshine every year... eventually.

vlagrl29 · December 2013

god I hate kid toy clutter. I go thru DD's a couple times a year and store away the toys that are too young for her and we have a toy box downstairs of her favorites to play with.

maple2 · December 2013

This year we are going to be with all of DH's family over the holidays, and I have definitely felt the strain of too much focus on Christmas gift shopping. There are just so many people, some of whom I don't know particularly well. I generally try to buy practical things that I know people will use (clothes, food, etc.) or else experiences because I am anti-stuff in general. My grandma, for example, gets the gift of a letter a month for Christmas every year. She loves it and really doesn't need any stuff at this point in her life.

In terms of kids, we currently have the rule that they get 1 present from Santa and 1 present from us, in addition to stockings. This year we are actually breaking that rule and getting the youngest just a present from Santa because we didn't find anything we really thought she needed and she's only 2 so she won't even notice. We do have a lot of family, so there will be no shortage of presents under the tree. We might buy more ourselves if there weren't so many other givers. But maybe not.

We also have a rule in our family that everyone has to give each other at least 1 home made gift. It's been a nice tradition that allows everyone to open presents on Christmas morning (fun), but also forces us to spend some quality time with the kids helping them make presents. It also helps the kids get into the giving as well as the receiving because they are excited to see how people react to the presents they made.

Overall, I think we are fortunate because most of our family is on the same page in terms of not really being into stuff. Everyone loves buying gifts for kids, of course, but they do try not to go overboard. They may spend more on us than we spend on them, but they try to get things or experiences that we really want, and they encourage us not to spend a lot on them because they already have everything they need. I don't know what I would do if our families had different expectations.

brij2006 · December 2013

I've gotten sort of Grinch on this whole idea, but I've vowed get simpler in this regard. It used to be spending $500-$1k on gifts, and we don't even have our own children to buy for. And for what? To buy people things they either don't need, don't want, or you can't afford?

So here's where I'm very vocal. I say to family and friends not to buy us anything and instead let's do something together. It doesn't have to be anything huge, but instead we now vow to create memories for Christmas instead of giving gifts. This just started 3 years ago and only on my mom's side of the family, but it's amazing. We had our Christmas for that side last night, and everyone had a duty to bring their own sled and snow gear. We went out back my grandparents and went sledding for almost 2 hours. We had a 17 month old and a 76 year old sledding down the hill. Then we finished it off with hot cocoa to warm back up. No presents were exchanged, and we all kept laughing and talking about how "so and so tried to fit in the sled with grandpa and they went spinning down the hill."

All it takes is one person to pipe up and say something about making new traditions that don't center around items.

Erikan73 · December 2013

Do your kids have a favorite place to go, like the zoo? What about giving them a gift of a family membership to the zoo and telling them with this card you can go to the zoo as often as you like. And make a point then of setting time aside every month to use that membership. You'll be giving your child the gift of being able to go to a place they love often and the quality family time. You can't beat that. We didn't have eletronic toys growing up and we turned out well. Thing of things you can give them that will spark creativity like legos & crayons and then take some of the money you would have bought toys with and buy them savings bonds (try to get grandparents and other relatives to do the same, small gift & savings bond) the amount of money that will be put aside for them when they want to go to college will be amazing. And that will be a priceless gift they get to keep

orangehills · December 2013

Money this time of year is really hard! I feel like if I could get all family on board to not do gifts (except to kids) and just spend time together, life would be so easy! I just added up everything I spent from coworkers to xmas cards and gifts and wrapping, and we spent $300. Not bad. But that's only for 1 sibling, 2 nieces, and 3 parents, and then stocking for the DH. Once kids come, I'm going to keep it low, I don't want to go crazy and have them expecting that for everything. And eventually I won't get anything for DH's sister either. Just keep it to kids and parents, and stocking for the DH. Ohhh Christmas. Tough times. I need to go volunteer..

Wulfgar · December 2013

I am so glad that my side of the family has decided to stop giving gifts to each other. It helps that my sister is out of State and has refused to come back to Ohio in winter. The last time she came back they got stuck in the bad snow storm in West Virginia. The rest of my family basically buys what they need/ want as they go. We would rather just spend time together since we don't do that too often.

MW's side of the family does gift draws for the whole extended family so you basically buy gifts for the number of children you have, any God children you have, and if you decided to get into the adult Christmas draw. All of these we tend to set maximum spending limits of roughly $20 for adults and same for the children.

Finally, MW and I have a family that we game with and hang with that we exchange gifts with. My friend's love language is gifts so we have to do this. The past few years we have limited the dollar amount to $20 and her parents usually get our child a gift also since currently they have two children to our one.

For the past 3 years we have been doing a decent job of keeping our Christmas budget in hand. We also save up all year so we can pay cash for what we do.

CuriousKiddosMama · December 2013

We decided to take some of the Christmas money this year and buy a bunch of toys for tots and food for the local food pantry. If you included your kids in something like that (let them pick out the toys for instance) would they be excited about that?

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