Arrrghh! And I thought the meth-cigarette comparison was bad!

afox007 · December 2013

FI's son was apparently a little more curious about his mom's meth use and decided to look online to see what it does to you. I was monitoring his computer use and actually thought seeing the effect it has may open his eyes a little more. Totally opposite response "so basically meth just makes people like you when your manic?"

I have bipolar disorder that is actually very well managed my manic episodes usually just result in little sleep and a whole shit load of cleaning and shopping, but apparently I might as well be a tweaker.

MommyLiberty5013 · December 2013

Clearly kids have trouble, due to their human immaturity and developmental stages being behind adults', differentiating between meth and cigarette addictions and here, meth effects and bipolar effects.

To a kid this age, addiction is addiction whether it's to meth or to cigarettes. Yes, we as adults understand the difference, kids, not so much.

That was my point when I wrote it in the previous thread about your family and how to him at 11-years-old, your cigarette use IS the same as meth use (it isn't to you and it isn't to me, but to him, it is).

That is why I offered the idea for you to quit cigarettes. Addiction is addiction to him. Him seeing you break your cycle would show him how you triumphed...thus, differentiating you from his biological mom.

That's why he sees no difference between his mom's meth effects and your bipolar effects. Clearly, there are differences, which we as adults understand, but he is 11...he just assumes it's all comparable.

PnkBride · December 2013

MommyLiberty5013 said:

Clearly kids have trouble, due to their human immaturity and developmental stages being behind adults', differentiating between meth and cigarette addictions and here, meth effects and bipolar effects.
To a kid this age, addiction is addiction whether it's to meth or to cigarettes. Yes, we as adults understand the difference, kids, not so much.
That was my point when I wrote it in the previous thread about your family and how to him at 11-years-old, your cigarette use IS the same as meth use (it isn't to you and it isn't to me, but to him, it is).
That is why I offered the idea for you to quit cigarettes. Addiction is addiction to him. Him seeing you break your cycle would show him how you triumphed...thus, differentiating you from his biological mom.
That's why he sees no difference between his mom's meth effects and your bipolar effects. Clearly, there are differences, which we as adults understand, but he is 11...he just assumes it's all comparable.

Very well said! I agree 100%!

Leftie22 · December 2013

I agree with PP. Kids that age are still in the "black or white" stage of thinking. They can't handle all of life's grey areas, they need things to be "right" or "wrong". They can't understand abstract concepts yet. So try not to take it too personally. And keep in mind that it must be really tough and sad for him as a child to have to know all this stuff about his mom. I feel for you too, though, because these are pretty heavy subjects to try to talk about with a kid!! Could the two of you go to counselling together to help you with talking about some of this stuff? I would have no clue where to start, so if you're feeling lost, maybe a professional could help start the conversation. Good luck!

Sillygirl45 · December 2013

MommyLiberty5013 said:

Clearly kids have trouble, due to their human immaturity and developmental stages being behind adults', differentiating between meth and cigarette addictions and here, meth effects and bipolar effects.
To a kid this age, addiction is addiction whether it's to meth or to cigarettes. Yes, we as adults understand the difference, kids, not so much.
That was my point when I wrote it in the previous thread about your family and how to him at 11-years-old, your cigarette use IS the same as meth use (it isn't to you and it isn't to me, but to him, it is).
That is why I offered the idea for you to quit cigarettes. Addiction is addiction to him. Him seeing you break your cycle would show him how you triumphed...thus, differentiating you from his biological mom.
That's why he sees no difference between his mom's meth effects and your bipolar effects. Clearly, there are differences, which we as adults understand, but he is 11...he just assumes it's all comparable.

I completely disagree. My youngest BIL was 11 when I met him. He completely understood the difference between his mom smoking and his aunt who is an alcoholic.

The issue here is the son trying to compare mom and future step mom. Likely, moms family is trying to downplay the serious nature of her addiction to either protect the son, or more likely to preserve their relationship with him.

I agree an 11 year old cannot accurately comprehend the complexities of one issue vs another. This is where they need parental guidance to wade through these heavy topics. The problem is the mother and her family are muddying the waters by deflecting the issues back on to future step mom. In my opinion, this is totally unfair and damaging to the child.

This isn't an us vs them issue. Quitting smoking just doesn't compare to quitting meth. Even if OP quit smoking, what does that prove? Nothing. The son thinks her manic episodes are the same as mom being on meth. Ummm...no. Totally different. Mom has an addiction that is altering her mentality and ability to parent. She needs to deal with her problems independently of anything or anyone else.

OP, good job on monitoring his computer use and educating yourself on what you're dealing with. I hope FI is as involved as you are.

MommyLiberty5013 · December 2013

Sillygirl45 said:

MommyLiberty5013 said:

Clearly kids have trouble, due to their human immaturity and developmental stages being behind adults', differentiating between meth and cigarette addictions and here, meth effects and bipolar effects.
To a kid this age, addiction is addiction whether it's to meth or to cigarettes. Yes, we as adults understand the difference, kids, not so much.
That was my point when I wrote it in the previous thread about your family and how to him at 11-years-old, your cigarette use IS the same as meth use (it isn't to you and it isn't to me, but to him, it is).
That is why I offered the idea for you to quit cigarettes. Addiction is addiction to him. Him seeing you break your cycle would show him how you triumphed...thus, differentiating you from his biological mom.
That's why he sees no difference between his mom's meth effects and your bipolar effects. Clearly, there are differences, which we as adults understand, but he is 11...he just assumes it's all comparable.

I completely disagree. My youngest BIL was 11 when I met him. He completely understood the difference between his mom smoking and his aunt who is an alcoholic.

The issue here is the son trying to compare mom and future step mom. Likely, moms family is trying to downplay the serious nature of her addiction to either protect the son, or more likely to preserve their relationship with him.

I agree an 11 year old cannot accurately comprehend the complexities of one issue vs another. This is where they need parental guidance to wade through these heavy topics. The problem is the mother and her family are muddying the waters by deflecting the issues back on to future step mom. In my opinion, this is totally unfair and damaging to the child.

This isn't an us vs them issue. Quitting smoking just doesn't compare to quitting meth. Even if OP quit smoking, what does that prove? Nothing. The son thinks her manic episodes are the same as mom being on meth. Ummm...no. Totally different. Mom has an addiction that is altering her mentality and ability to parent. She needs to deal with her problems independently of anything or anyone else.

OP, good job on monitoring his computer use and educating yourself on what you're dealing with. I hope FI is as involved as you are.

Bolded. Fair enough.

Developmentally, most 11 year olds are in a growth stage in which, as the PP stated, life is "black and white." I am glad your family member at 11 years of age seems to be more developmentally mature than his peers. Of course, there will be kids who are more or less mature or developed than the average group.

For the OPs relationship, it sounds like she is dealing with a child who developmentally falls into the average category of boys his age for understanding and dealing with life's issues. He isn't behind or ahead, just right on track for his age group.

Sillygirl45 · December 2013

MommyLiberty5013 said:

Sillygirl45 said:

MommyLiberty5013 said:

Clearly kids have trouble, due to their human immaturity and developmental stages being behind adults', differentiating between meth and cigarette addictions and here, meth effects and bipolar effects.
To a kid this age, addiction is addiction whether it's to meth or to cigarettes. Yes, we as adults understand the difference, kids, not so much.
That was my point when I wrote it in the previous thread about your family and how to him at 11-years-old, your cigarette use IS the same as meth use (it isn't to you and it isn't to me, but to him, it is).
That is why I offered the idea for you to quit cigarettes. Addiction is addiction to him. Him seeing you break your cycle would show him how you triumphed...thus, differentiating you from his biological mom.
That's why he sees no difference between his mom's meth effects and your bipolar effects. Clearly, there are differences, which we as adults understand, but he is 11...he just assumes it's all comparable.

I completely disagree. My youngest BIL was 11 when I met him. He completely understood the difference between his mom smoking and his aunt who is an alcoholic.

The issue here is the son trying to compare mom and future step mom. Likely, moms family is trying to downplay the serious nature of her addiction to either protect the son, or more likely to preserve their relationship with him.

I agree an 11 year old cannot accurately comprehend the complexities of one issue vs another. This is where they need parental guidance to wade through these heavy topics. The problem is the mother and her family are muddying the waters by deflecting the issues back on to future step mom. In my opinion, this is totally unfair and damaging to the child.

This isn't an us vs them issue. Quitting smoking just doesn't compare to quitting meth. Even if OP quit smoking, what does that prove? Nothing. The son thinks her manic episodes are the same as mom being on meth. Ummm...no. Totally different. Mom has an addiction that is altering her mentality and ability to parent. She needs to deal with her problems independently of anything or anyone else.

OP, good job on monitoring his computer use and educating yourself on what you're dealing with. I hope FI is as involved as you are.

Bolded. Fair enough.
Developmentally, most 11 year olds are in a growth stage in which, as the PP stated, life is "black and white." I am glad your family member at 11 years of age seems to be more developmentally mature than his peers. Of course, there will be kids who are more or less mature or developed than the average group.
For the OPs relationship, it sounds like she is dealing with a child who developmentally falls into the average category of boys his age for understanding and dealing with life's issues. He isn't behind or ahead, just right on track for his age group.

Umm, no, he appears to be influenced by moms family. They are stunting his critical thinking. It's easy to think mom is only as bad as step mom, but that isn't true. Meth will never equal cigarettes. Period.

MommyLiberty5013 · December 2013

Sillygirl45 said:

MommyLiberty5013 said:

Sillygirl45 said:

MommyLiberty5013 said:

Clearly kids have trouble, due to their human immaturity and developmental stages being behind adults', differentiating between meth and cigarette addictions and here, meth effects and bipolar effects.
To a kid this age, addiction is addiction whether it's to meth or to cigarettes. Yes, we as adults understand the difference, kids, not so much.
That was my point when I wrote it in the previous thread about your family and how to him at 11-years-old, your cigarette use IS the same as meth use (it isn't to you and it isn't to me, but to him, it is).
That is why I offered the idea for you to quit cigarettes. Addiction is addiction to him. Him seeing you break your cycle would show him how you triumphed...thus, differentiating you from his biological mom.
That's why he sees no difference between his mom's meth effects and your bipolar effects. Clearly, there are differences, which we as adults understand, but he is 11...he just assumes it's all comparable.

I completely disagree. My youngest BIL was 11 when I met him. He completely understood the difference between his mom smoking and his aunt who is an alcoholic.

The issue here is the son trying to compare mom and future step mom. Likely, moms family is trying to downplay the serious nature of her addiction to either protect the son, or more likely to preserve their relationship with him.

I agree an 11 year old cannot accurately comprehend the complexities of one issue vs another. This is where they need parental guidance to wade through these heavy topics. The problem is the mother and her family are muddying the waters by deflecting the issues back on to future step mom. In my opinion, this is totally unfair and damaging to the child.

This isn't an us vs them issue. Quitting smoking just doesn't compare to quitting meth. Even if OP quit smoking, what does that prove? Nothing. The son thinks her manic episodes are the same as mom being on meth. Ummm...no. Totally different. Mom has an addiction that is altering her mentality and ability to parent. She needs to deal with her problems independently of anything or anyone else.

OP, good job on monitoring his computer use and educating yourself on what you're dealing with. I hope FI is as involved as you are.

Bolded. Fair enough.
Developmentally, most 11 year olds are in a growth stage in which, as the PP stated, life is "black and white." I am glad your family member at 11 years of age seems to be more developmentally mature than his peers. Of course, there will be kids who are more or less mature or developed than the average group.
For the OPs relationship, it sounds like she is dealing with a child who developmentally falls into the average category of boys his age for understanding and dealing with life's issues. He isn't behind or ahead, just right on track for his age group.

Umm, no, he appears to be influenced by moms family. They are stunting his critical thinking. It's easy to think mom is only as bad as step mom, but that isn't true. Meth will never equal cigarettes. Period.

Sure he is influenced by the bio mom's family. Sure they are stunting his critical thinking abilities. I didn't say they weren't. I never mentioned either of those good points.

Also, I didn't say METH = CIGARETTES. Or that METH =/ CIGARETTES. I said that ADDICTION = ADDICTION in an 11-year-olds brain and set of life experiences.

Again, at 11-years-old developmentally, he cannot distinguish...family and influence are not helping and they are contributing to his inability to recognize the difference.

I feel that another example of this would be teaching a child not to tell lies. They learn this life lesson (don't lie) and for years they do not understand the concept of a "white lie," which is sometimes told amongst more mature/developed people as a way to preserve someone's feelings and respect someone's opinions or choices. Kids don't get that distinction. To them, a lie is a lie is a lie.

This 11-year-old sees an addiction as an addiction. In his brain, he is comparing apples to apples.

Arrrghh! And I thought the meth-cigarette comparison was bad!

Re: Arrrghh! And I thought the meth-cigarette comparison was bad!

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