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Splitting Holidays
I know some of you live away from one set or both sets of parents. Do you deal with guilt trips every holiday?! What do you do?!
We split holidays based on when H gets the kids. So this year we got them Thanksgiving, so Christmas is with my family. Next year, it'll switch. MIL is giving H so many guilt trips, and he mentioned last night that past 4-5 times he called her, she ended up hanging up on him. I know the first time was over his neice and how they were treating her about being gay. But when I asked last night, he said some was about Christmas. I know he didn't want to upset me, so he didn't give details. I just want a holiday with my family without feeling bad. I know we live 12 miles away from them, but does that mean I have to give up all holidays? MIL mentioned coming down for Christmas while we were visiting in Sept and glared at me. H said, well we'll be down that weekend and this year we have Christmas with my family. I chimed in that we have to share. I got a death stare.
Oh and biomom asked H to take the kids Christmas eve a few hours, then she'll get them back for Christmas. WTF?! Why tease them with a few hours?!
H is great, and understands I need holidays with my family and he stands up for me. We feel this is fair, but I feel bad. I feel like I'm taking away from his time when he doesn't get much.
Re: Splitting Holidays
We decided before we were even married that we would alternate years with each family. Luckily we don't get guilt from any of them. We do one year with my family, the next with H's in NC and the third in VA with his local family and just us. So, the last time we were in my hometown for Christmas was 2010. But, every year when our family is opening gifts and stockings, we facetime so we can see them and still feel like we are kinda part of the day.
If your MIL is throwing that big of a fit about it and has to see you, why can't she come up for a day or the weekend or something? It's completely childish for her to be guilt-tripping your H about it. Ugh, I'm annoyed for you!
H's family celebrates Christmas Eve and mine doesn't, we celebrate Christmas Day, that's not an issue. My family eats around 1:00 on Thanksgiving, H's around 4. We only run into conflict on Thanksgiving if my brother has to work, like this year. My parents ate with us and had leftovers with my brother, SIL and nephew.
Easter isn't an issue because H's family is Jewish. We see them for Passover.
Ok, so here is why Jeff's mom is mad - we told her we would be down AFTER Christmas. Well, she took after Christmas to be - Thursday. Therefore she planned for everyone to come over to exchange gifts Friday etc. She's pissed we won't be there, but she NEVER asked him what we were doing, just assumed. We plan to come down Friday night/EARLY Saturday morning (like leave here around 5-6pm get there are 1-2am). We're doing this so Jeff can work Thursday night to help with the after holidays back-log.
When she talks to H on the phone, she only talks about herself. Seriously, I laugh everytime she's on the car bluetooth, because it's ME ME ME ME ME ME MEMEMEME, Then "Hope you and Amanda are ok, bye!" Sometimes Jeff tries to say something and she talks over him. I'm usually cracking up in the passenger seat listening to this. But even if H tried to tell her, I doubt she would have listened.
Jeff told her it's ok, exchange with the rest of the family without us and we'll get/give gifts later, it's NBD. I think that's when she hung up on him the last time. We ruined her Christmas.
Thanks girls, I just need to place to vent. I'm so happy I have a place like this!
I have a feeling we will have drama while we are down there. I've had enough of her making me feel guilty for having a holiday with my family. This was my last straw, it's between her and me, nothing to do with Jeff and the kids. I know I'm the only reason Jeff is in MD, but it was his choice. His mama will have to accept this and MOVE THE F#$% ON!