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Talked to DH about MIL.... *UPDATED*

JLyn821JLyn821 member
2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its Name Dropper
edited December 2013 in GP Moms
After my lovely co-worker basically called me fat yesterday, I had a bit of a breakdown after I got home from work.  I talked with DH about MIL.  I was a crying mess while doing it.  He was ticked about what his mom said.  I told him I didn't want him to call her or make a big deal out of it because I didn't want things to be weird.  I told him I'd rather he just listen for it on Christmas Eve and say something then.  His response?  "No.  It's completely inappropriate for her to say something like that to you.  You're my wife.  You come first.  I will be calling her tonight to say something because that's not right.  And for someone that constantly comments on her own weight (MIL is overweight), she should absolutely know better.  That's not something she'd say to her own daughters, why should it be OK for her to say it to you?"

So he went out to the car and called her while I finished up dinner.  He was back in about 5-ish minutes.  He said she seriously had no idea I would take her seriously and if she had, she'd never have said it.  He said he could tell she was really upset about it all and made up an excuse to get off the phone.  So now he feels bad because he feels like he could have gone about it in a better way.  Apparently he was pretty stern with her.  And he also feels bad because he's worried he potentially messed up mine and MIL's relationship by being so hard about it.  I told him that's why I didn't want him to call her, but he just kept saying, "No, something needed to be said."  So he's worried he messed up mine and MIL's relationship, but meanwhile, both MIL and I said that's the last thing we'd want.

He wouldn't be my DH if he was happy about calling his mom on something.  I love that he stood up for me, and I also love that he feels bad about hurting his mom's feelings.  He's so amazingly compassionate.  I don't know why I waited a few days to tell him about it.

**UPDATE**

MIL emailed me.  I can't blame her at all for going that route seeing as I texted her back instead of calling.  I'd have totally started crying had I actually talked with her.  Her email said...
"Dear JennaHack,
Never in a million years would I purposely say or do anything to hurt you, and I'm so sorry that my inconsiderate comment upset you.  I certainly did not mean it and was just being silly, as I think you look adorable.  I never imagined being taken seriously or that I hurt your feelings, and again, I'm so very sorry!
I love you!
Mom"

I think we're good now.
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Re: Talked to DH about MIL.... *UPDATED*

  • It might be awkward at first but I bet it'll smooth over in no time. Especially since you both don't want it to ruin your relationship. Glad your hubby stood up for you!
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  • I'm glad he stood up for you and said something, he didn't just pass it off. Especially like he said, she wouldn't want it said about her or say it to her daughters. 

    I would be ready to possibly be met with a talk next time you see MIL. It will be a bit awkward, but if you two can laugh through it together and hug it out, I'm sure everything will be ok. 
    DX: 6/2012 PCOS  TTC: 6/2013  BFP: 9/6/2013  Attempt Natural m/c: 10/29/2013 D&C: 2/20/2014
    BFP 2: 7/7/2014 Beta 7/8: 115, Beta 7/12: 638, Beta 7/16: 3793, Beta 7/21: 21,625

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  • Yes, it will probably be awkward - but it WILL get easier.  And she needs to realize that your feelings matter!!!

    So glad your H stood up for you!!
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    RIP Dr. Irving Fishman - 10/1/19-7/25/10 - thank you for holding on for me.
    You made my wedding day complete.


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  • Glad YH stood up for you and hope it's not too awkward next time you see her.  The fact that you now both feel bad about it and don't want your relationship to change will make it easier to hug it out and move on. 
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  • I am glad he stood up for you!  I bet things will smooth over just fine and everything will be okay!
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    TTC since June 2011 dx: PCOS
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    Femara+Trigger+IUI #1: BFN :-( (July 2013)
    Natural Cycle (8/7/13)- BFP!  Beta #1 (9/10/13): 509 Progesterone: 18.64  Beta #2 (9/12/13): 1118
    Baby N born 5/9/14
  • It's great how your husband stood up for you! I really think you and your MIL can smooth things over the next time you see her, hopefully just with a hug :)
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  • I think it needed to be done and I am glad he said something. If neither of you want the relationship to change that is a good sign. Try to just act normal next time you see her or even give her a hug and say everything is fine.

    Good job DH!
    imageimageimage"Image">image"Image">image
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  • so i'm a talker. so if this happened with my MIL and I, I would probably let her say she's sorry and then talk non stop myself in order to ease the whole situation by saying, I know you didn't mean anything by it and H totally overreacted but I thought it was sweet he wanted to stick up for me and baby. and then just drop the whole thing.

    this will all blow over quickly i'm sure. esp. since you and MIL had such a good relationship before

  • Thank you for the update!  I'm glad things are good again.  Now you can enjoy Christmas!!
    imageAnniversary

    RIP Dr. Irving Fishman - 10/1/19-7/25/10 - thank you for holding on for me.
    You made my wedding day complete.


    BabyFetus Ticker
  • I think you two are going to be ok :) 
    DX: 6/2012 PCOS  TTC: 6/2013  BFP: 9/6/2013  Attempt Natural m/c: 10/29/2013 D&C: 2/20/2014
    BFP 2: 7/7/2014 Beta 7/8: 115, Beta 7/12: 638, Beta 7/16: 3793, Beta 7/21: 21,625

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  • Aw so glad everything is okay :)
    imageimageimage"Image">image"Image">image
    Our Little Raspberry-Born 3/27/12
    We Said I Do 09/06/09
    We love our Frankie Dog (5yo pit) and our Paco Kitty Dx Endo 12/09 Lupron 3/10-9/10 BFP 08/11 Bday 3/27/12 Lap Surgery 2/26/13
    image"Birthday"">
  • So glad your H said something and MIL was so apologetic. I'm sure things will be like nothing ever happened. 


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  • I'm glad you are all on the same page now. Now you can all move forward and enjoy the holidays. :)

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  • Good, I'm glad she was so receptive. You'll just hug it out the next time you see her and it will be all good. Yay!

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                                  Starting IUI#1 procedures Nov '13
                          IUI Cxl'd due to surprise natural BFP 11/1/13
            Calvin born on June 19th, 2014 via emergency c-section at 3lbs7oz
         
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