Teach Me Grace

amandaf6383 · December 2013

Backstory: DH and I, prior to buying our house, lived in a townhouse with another couple. She and I got along well and became friends; however with two women in one houshold, things got dicey at times with who the woman of the house was (lol don't laugh at me). One of the things that has always rubbed me the wrong way is how flashy, dramatic, and attention-whorey she is. I don't think she means it in a rude or bad way, she's from Brazil and I think a big part of it is her culture, but it drives me crazy. If you're hot, she's BURNING, if you have a cold, she has the plague, etc. She also loves bragging about good news.

Anywho, we all got married around the same time and started TTC at the same time. Neither of us were getting pregnant. I explained to her the proper steps but she just went to her OB and took Clomid for over a year with no monitoring or testing or HSG or anything. Still nothing. Finally in September I urged her to go get tested. Turns out from the HSG, she had a major blockage. Quick surgery and guess who's now 8 weeks pregnant? Yup. So it stings because I did everything right and she did nothing right and she gets to be pregnant.

I'm trying to be happy for her but it is SO. HARD. I don't want to be. I don't think it's fair. And we have holiday parties coming up and I know everyone is going to be fawning all over her and she is going to be such an attention whore and the thought of it makes me want to throw up. I don't want to face her. I don't want to say congratulations. I don't want to be graceful about this but I know I somehow have to and it's killing me.

Anyone have any advice? Sorry this was such an effing NOVEL.

lindsayandjamie · December 2013

Ugh that is a tough situation... So I'm guessing she is not living by the three month pg rule so everyone will know?

Honestly, I would avoid her/conversations near her. I would aim to hang out with the men since they are less likely to want to discuss the ins and outs of her nausea and her future offspring's eye colour.

I also live by the tight-lipped smile mantra when I can't escape a situation that causes me hurt... Tune her out and smile politely and hope the conversation veers back to more neutral topics. GL

nfp147 · December 2013

lindsayandjamie said:

Ugh that is a tough situation... So I'm guessing she is not living by the three month pg rule so everyone will know?

Honestly, I would avoid her/conversations near her. I would aim to hang out with the men since they are less likely to want to discuss the ins and outs of her nausea and her future offspring's eye colour.

I also live by the tight-lipped smile mantra when I can't escape a situation that causes me hurt... Tune her out and smile politely and hope the conversation veers back to more neutral topics. GL

All of this. One of you has to have some grace, and it looks like it's going to have to be you

PandPMeant2B · December 2013

I agree with PPs. Sorry you have to deal with this! ((hugs))

nightmare_of_beauty · December 2013

I would avoid her at all cost. I wouldn't be able to hold my tongue. Is there going to be anyone there that knows what has been going on and you can spend time with? In that situation I would seek out someone who knew or wasn't trying or was single because they most likely won't want to hear about it either.

If unable to have that, smile and nod. Polite steer the conversation elsewhere.

If I was not in a good mood and something was said by her to me, I would reply with something along the lines of "It is amazing, just think if you didn't get the test I suggested, you wouldn't be here."

arj14 · December 2013

Ugh, that sucks. I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. I'd be totally ungraceful and go the avoidance route which is probably not recommended. Are there any parties you can skip?

amccul20 · December 2013

I hate when crap like this happens! you want to be happy for someone but its sooo hard sometimes.

I would just say congrats and then walk away from her and stay away from her all night. you don't need to let her bring down your fun evening.

amandaf6383 · December 2013

Yeah unfortunately the parties are unavoidable since we have the same group of friends. I guess I will smile, say congratulations, and then avoid avoid AVOID.

ILoveRedVino · December 2013

amandaf6383 said:
Yeah unfortunately the parties are unavoidable since we have the same group of friends. I guess I will smile, say congratulations, and then avoid avoid AVOID.

And drink.

LuckyAngel07 · December 2013

nightmare_of_beauty said:

If I was not in a good mood and something was said by her to me, I would reply with something along the lines of "It is amazing, just think if you didn't get the test I suggested, you wouldn't be here."

I love this! But it's probably the exact opposite of gracefully dealing with the situation.

I'm sorry you have to deal with this. It's such a hard freaking situation to be in.

islandmonkey8 · December 2013

I can't give any better advice then you already have received here. I just wish you weren't dealing with this at all. Enjoy some tasty holiday cocktails at the party.

sgautschi · December 2013

Ugh I'm so sorry. That really does suck.

PPs have some good advice. I hope the party doesn't end up being all about her. ((Hugs))

LooneyLife · December 2013

Ugh, what a tough situation. I'm sorry you have to deal with it. I don't have any advice, but instead I will share a funny. I can always find the "Seinfeld" in just about every situation.

Uptowngirl2009 · December 2013

I'm so sorry. Attention whores are the worst. ((Hugs))

sparklingdiamond · December 2013

I am sorry you are having to deal with this :-( I would definitely just try to avoid her if at all possible.

lb1117 · December 2013

I'm sorry you're dealing with this. ((hugs))

callitcompulsive · December 2013

I have nothing constructive to offer because I am the queen of anti-grace. Buuut I just wanted to say that I'm sorry you have to deal with this.

mrsvedo · December 2013

I don't have anything to add that the others haven't said. Just chiming in with commiserations. That really sucks.

poppies717 · December 2013

I don't have much constructive to add. I'm pretty passive aggressive, and I'd have a hard time biting my tongue. I would say your quick congrats and hang with the guys like @lindseyandjamie suggested. I hope that she can be gracious and kind if she knows your struggles. If the topic keeps coming up around you, I'd have a list of other things to talk about. Favorite celeb meltdowns of 2013? The Red Sox victory? Hell, I'd probably even get my super conservative ILs going on the health care stuff just to avoid talking about someone else's pg. Good luck to you, my dear.

Xan921 · December 2013

I really don't have much to add other than life fucking sucks for being so unfair and I'm sorry you have to deal with it. I'd suggest drinking your way through the parties but if you're anything like me then that might not be the best idea because after a few drinks my filter goes away and I'll say exactly how I really feel lol.

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