Which should come first? Baby or new house?

annie&brianm · October 2013

My husband and I are 26 years old. We live in a smaller starter home. We are both established now and just starting the process of finding a new bigger home to have a family in. We are having the debate of, do we start a family in the old house, or wait til we are established in a new house? We probably won't put our house up for another year and a half to two years, and he doesn't think we should wait that long to have a baby. I just think it will be too stressful to be pregnant/ or moving with a small child. Advice please!!

SmrBrd2012 · October 2013

If you already own a home, I see no problem in TTC now, especially if you don't really want to wait. Does you current home have at least 2 bedrooms? H and I really want to TTC but we're currently renting. I just want us to own our own property before a baby comes along.

LoveKiss · October 2013

Moving is stressful, regardless. I wouldn't put off TTC just because of a move that won't happen for several more years.

smbenevides1989 · October 2013

I wouldn't wait either. If you have the room for at least one more addition, I would say go for it.

Janessadawn · October 2013

Depends on how soon you want to have kids. Could there be more behind delaying it than just wanting to avoid the stress of moving with a baby/baby on the way? As long as you have the room now and have the desire to have a baby, I say go for it. Women move while pregnant and with small kids all the time. My mom was in her 2nd trimester with me when she moved across the country, by herself.

hoffse · October 2013

Well I'm 27. H and I hope to wait until I'm 30 because we want to do other things first. Like take a couple great vacations. We're planning on going to London next summer, and there's a lot to be said for that kind of flexibility. I just have to figure out where to house the cat for a week, and we'll be good.

For me, the house absolutely comes first. But once we're in a house we might move the TTC date up a bit if we feel ready. That's TBD. We rent right now, and no way am I having a baby in anything smaller than a 3 bed/2 bath - we feel like we need a guestroom for Grandma to come sleep, and there's no possible way we'd fit a pack n play in our little apartment right now.

While I prefer to wait, that's a completely personal decision. Some people are chomping at the bit at age 25-26. Me? Absolutely not. H and I are hoping to buy a house within the next 12-18 months so I have done some baby research to find out what they will cost (don't want to have so much of our monthly income tied up in a mortgage that we can't comfortably afford daycare down the road). But other than that initial research, I haven't really gotten into it to be honest.

As for the moving with a toddler thing, my only advice is to be clearly on one side of the move or the other, whatever you decide. Either start now and have a baby who can at least sit up by itself or wait until you're settled in the new place before starting. I have a friend who actually had her first baby yesterday, and they bought a house and moved while she was pregnant. Baby was due at the end of November, so she came a month early... Surprise! They having nothing unpacked, the nursery isn't set up, their own things are still in boxes. They thought they had another month to get stuff settled, and it just didn't work out that way. That sounds like a worst-case scenario to me, and they probably would have been better of renting for another year or even 6 months instead of buying, closing, and moving during the last half of her pregnancy.

MommyLiberty5013 · October 2013

I would start TTC...you never know how long it will take.

Many families start off in their first homes. Infants, and even toddlers, do not take up that much space. And if you have a smaller home, you can be creative with storage options.

I was pregnant with our 2nd while our home was listed for sale. We got under contract just before DD was born and we moved out for a cross-country move, when she was 2 months old.

People have kids all the time and do other life things at the same time. To quote Tim Gunn (off that show Project Runway...not sure if it still airs), "Make it work." That's become my little mantra.

jessica490 · October 2013

Since you have a house already, I would TTC. A baby doesn't need much space plus, they will probably sleep in your room for at least awhile. It's once they get older 2 yrs plus that you will need more space for toys and privacy so i would wait on the house for a few more years like you said.

rentaduckie · November 2013

I'm in a similar situation, but we're renting a one bedroom. We're both 25 and chose to buy a house now, have a baby later. But I want to be done having children before I'm 30, so that made the choice easier for us.
You just have to decide what your priorities are.

toothpastechica · November 2013

As long as you have more then one bedroom I wouldn't say you need to move first...however I personally wanted to be somewhere where I wouldn't move for a while before having kids, so while the house we are in now is *hopefully* just a starter home and we plan to move....we won't move for at least 5-7 years min and its big enough that we do have 3bedrooms upstairs so could be comfortable with 1-2 kids....if we were in a smaller place I would probably be looking for something bigger before TTC.

xmobergx · December 2013

Are you a very sentimental person? I TOTALLY AM....I lived in the same house from the day I was born until the day I left for college and then my parents sold the house. 7 years later and I'm like not over them selling the house....I still feel like a piece of me, my childhood, my comfort is gone and can never get it back. I literally have dreams at least 2 nights a week that I'm at that house. I can't even look at it when I drive by that area or I get a pit in my stomach. I know- it sounds totally frigen weird and I might want to talk to a therapist about not being able to let go. But my point is, we own a starter home right now and I know I'd have the same separation anxiety if I had a baby in this home and all these wonderful memories of our newborn here then we moved. I would just be so much more connected to the house than I am now, so we're waiting a few years to sell before we have a kids.

And I'm with you @hoffse we are 28 and see no reason to rush it. We've already been on a few great international trips together but we want a few more before we're ready to give that up!

asoiafguy · December 2013

House comes first, and it's not even close. Especially if you're both 26. Why bring a baby into the world in a small cramped house and then have to move afterwards?

Mom987 · December 2013

I'd wait until you're truly ready for a baby and then decide on the home after that. DH and I got pregnant at 22 and now I'm 26 (he's 28) with two kids. I'm truly thankful we've been blessed with great jobs and no debt, so we will upgrade to a larger home once kids are elementary school age. We currently have 3br, 2.5 bath on 1/2 acre.

Which should come first? Baby or new house?

Re: Which should come first? Baby or new house?

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