Getting Pregnant
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Vent (Loss Mentioned)

Thinking about yesterday, I also want to vent about this. In case you didn't read FFFC, FIL and his girlfriend stopped by yesterday. 

I have met girlfriend (let's call her D) twice before her coming over yesterday. She came to our wedding and SIL's wedding. I have barely spoken more than "Hi how are you?" to her before yesterday. I really don't like her which is a long story, but I will say it's never been something she has personally done to me. 

She asked for a tour of our house because her and FIL hadn't seen it yet. Not true, FIL has, but didn't say anything. After the tour we sat in the living room while FIL tried calling SIL to go see her. While he's on the phone D looks at me and says "So, how are you feeling?" 

I had a feeling I knew what she meant, but played it off like I didn't and said I'm feeling fine, how about you? And she started asking about my m/c. What happened? How far along were? What went wrong?

What...went...wrong... EXACT words from her mouth. 

I was completely thrown off by the fact that I have barely ever spoken to D, why would I feel the urge to talk to her about this? When I explained it was most likely a chromosome issue because of how far along the baby did grow, she looked at me like she didn't believe me! So my irrational brain now feels that she is implying that I did something wrong. 

Thankfully by then FIL has off the phone with SIL whom was an hour away from and they decided they would not wait to see (oh yeah I didn't like that either) and decided to head out of town before it got dark (it was 1pm). 

I just do not understand where D gets off asking so many details about such a personal and hurtful thing. Maybe she worded herself incorrectly, but why would anyone ask what went wrong. You say what happened, do they have an explanation, not what went wrong. Thankfully we don't see them much so I will hopefully not have to deal with this situation again. I will not forget this though.

Thank you for reading this if you did. Just need to get my thoughts out. 
DX: 6/2012 PCOS  TTC: 6/2013  BFP: 9/6/2013  Attempt Natural m/c: 10/29/2013 D&C: 2/20/2014
BFP 2: 7/7/2014 Beta 7/8: 115, Beta 7/12: 638, Beta 7/16: 3793, Beta 7/21: 21,625

Pregnancy Ticker

Re: Vent (Loss Mentioned)

  • Some people are so insensitive it's shocking.  ((HUGS))
    Anniversary
    Married: 10/13/2013
    TTC #1: Mirena removed 5/26/2015; DH - normal SA, me - diagnosed with PCOS 8/4/2016 - on Metformin;
    BFP - 10/29/2016!!!, EDD - 7/8/2017
  • Oh. My. God. NO! Just....NO! I can't even form words. My eyes went completely round when I read what she asked. 

    You're exactly right. If someone wants to know more information (people can be nosy, but if you're not close to someone, I don't think they should be asking at all to begin with), they can ask if the doctor has any idea why it happened. You don't ask a woman what went wrong! Typically, you don't even know for sure!

    I'm so sorry. ((hugs)) What a shitty situation/conversation to have to put up with.
    imageimage
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    TTC since July 2012
    BFP #1: 11/9/13; spontaneous m/c at 6w2d, 11/25/13
    BFP #2: 12/31/13. B/w 12/31: betas >1000, progesterone 13.6; B/w 1/2: betas 3065, progesterone 10.2
    B/w 1/8: betas 17,345, progesterone 25.6
    Progesterone suppositories started 1/2. Please stick, baby!!
    Fiona Elise born 9/9/14 - welcome beautiful girl!
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  • people are fucking stupid!
  • Eff her. That's wicked rude. I'm sorry you were subjected to that. She had no right to ask you that. I'm sorry.
  • You're exactly right. If someone wants to know more information (people can be nosy, but if you're not close to someone, I don't think they should be asking at all to begin with), they can ask if the doctor has any idea why it happened. You don't ask a woman what went wrong! Typically, you don't even know for sure!

    I'm so sorry. ((hugs)) What a shitty situation/conversation to have to put up with.
    I'm so sorry, NoB.  I agree with everything Lucky said.  I had a hard time asking my BEST FRIEND about her m/c because I didn't want her to hurt any more than I knew she already was.  I can't imagine asking someone I barely know about it!  Ridiculous.

    I'm so sorry she said all of that to you.
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    * After 22 months and 2 failed IUIs, we finally got our BFP *
    DS delivered naturally at 41w6d on 4/18/14
    * TTC #2  March 2015 *

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  • I'm sorry she asked you it in that way.  Especially since it sounds like you aren't that close with her to have this type of conversation with her.

    As you know, I've had quite a few run-ins with stupid questions and statements from people about our loss.  What I've come to realize is that people seriously don't know what to say, and they don't know how far to take the conversation.  They want to know, and they're curious about details (some are) but most have no clue as to how to ask about it in an appropriate way. 

     

    TTC since 1/13  DX:PCOS 5/13 (long, anovulatory cycles)
    Clomid 50mg 9/13 = BFP! EDD 6/7/14 M/C 5w6d Found 11/4/13
    1/14 PCOS / Gluten Free Diet to hopefully regulate my system. 
    Chemical Pregnancy 03/14
    Surprise BFP 6/14, Beta #1: 126 Beta #2: 340  Stick baby, stick! EDD 2/17/15
    Riley Elaine born 2/16/15

    TTC 2.0   6/15 
    Chemical Pregnancy 9/15 
    Chemical Pregnancy 6/16
    BFP 9/16  EDD 6/3/17
    Beta #1: 145 Beta #2: 376 Beta #3: 2,225 Beta #4: 4,548
    www.5yearstonever.blogspot.com 
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  • I am so sorry. Some people really don't understand. Such a way to ask too... :(

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  • edited December 2013
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  • Ugh I am sorry!  That was so rude of her!!
    Anniversary 
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    TTC since June 2011 dx: PCOS
    Clomid+IUI: Cancelled b/c didn't respond (June 2012)
    Femara+Trigger+IUI #1: BFN :-( (July 2013)
    Natural Cycle (8/7/13)- BFP!  Beta #1 (9/10/13): 509 Progesterone: 18.64  Beta #2 (9/12/13): 1118
    Baby N born 5/9/14
  • I'm so sorry. That is just fucked up.
    image
    TTC 24 months, IUI #3 BFP 6/4/14 Beta 6/5 58, 6/9 508, 6/11 1227 TWINS! EDD 2/15/15
    With heavy hearts, we said goodbye to our precious angels on 8/12 at 13 weeks 2 days.
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    IVF #1 Lup/Brav/Meno, ER 11/28 10R/10F, ET "Rudolph" 4AA embryo 12/3, 7 frosties.
    BFP! Betas: 12/12 225, 12/15 706, 12/17 1512. EDD 8.21.15
    12/29 hb 120. 1/5 perfect, GRAD DAY! 1/15 perfect at OB. NT 2/6 PERFECT, HB 158!

    Baby Girl born 8.9.15 at 38.2 due to IUGR 4lb7.8oz 17" 
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  • Ugh, wtf is wrong with people??? Sorry you had to deal with that. ((hugs))
    imageimage
  • Ugh I'm so sorry. I would never ask anyone details, especially in that way. If someone wants to tell me, I'll gladly listen, but I wouldn't bring it up just to bring the pain to the surface. ((Hugs))

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    Pregnancy Ticker
  • It would have taken every ounce of my being to not bitch slap someone if they did that to me. I'm so sorry for you....that's really shit. Was she really that dim to know that it might not be any if her business to ask or grill you about such a sensitive personal subject? What an ahole.
  • Wow. You are more graceful than I am. I am so sorry you even had to be put in that situation. I'm glad you don't see her a lot. ((hugs))
    TTC #1 since Feb. '12. dx: "unexplained" IF
    After 2 shitty IVF cycles and 1 loss at 6+2 (EDD 11/7/14), DH and I are pursuing DIA.
    11/17/2014 - ACTIVE AND WAITING!
    image
    Pregnancy was never the end goal; being a mom was.
    I've been holding out on GP: I got drunk once and started a blog: Here it is (11/7 update)
    3T<3

  • That's awful! FX you don't have to deal with her again for a really long time.

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    Pregnancy Ticker
  • Just read you FFFC... These folks are real winners, huh? So sorry for both you and your DH for having to deal with their BS. Hugs to you!


    TTC since 3/2012 
    DH - 36; nml swimmers; Me - 36; almost no AMH (last 0.081), low AFC, nml FSH/LH
    Clomid + IUI #1 (6/2013) - BFN; #2 (7/2013) - BFFN
    IVF 1.0 5R/5F/2T (ET 6/11/2014) - no frosties, but BFP 8dp5dt (EDD 3/1/2015) 
    Lost our sweet baby boy, Lincoln Alexander 10/3/2014 (19w)
    IVF 2.0 - ER 3/25/2015 - 3R ZERO mature.
    Ovaries are done...
    DE IVF ER - 12/2/2016 (17R/10F = 8 frosties); FET 1.0 (1/27/2017) - BFP 6dp5dt (EDD 10/16/2017)
  • My ILs are awesome....(sarcasm) 
    DX: 6/2012 PCOS  TTC: 6/2013  BFP: 9/6/2013  Attempt Natural m/c: 10/29/2013 D&C: 2/20/2014
    BFP 2: 7/7/2014 Beta 7/8: 115, Beta 7/12: 638, Beta 7/16: 3793, Beta 7/21: 21,625

    Pregnancy Ticker
  • @R.Wilsonny I don't feel like I handled it graceful because I slipped on my words and was just so shock, I had to reprocess the conversation after to realize exactly what happened. I don't know where she got off asking like that, it was none of her business and I should have made that clear to her. If it happens again, I plan on it, I really don't care if this woman likes me or not. 
    DX: 6/2012 PCOS  TTC: 6/2013  BFP: 9/6/2013  Attempt Natural m/c: 10/29/2013 D&C: 2/20/2014
    BFP 2: 7/7/2014 Beta 7/8: 115, Beta 7/12: 638, Beta 7/16: 3793, Beta 7/21: 21,625

    Pregnancy Ticker
  • I just read your FFFC and now this and I really just don't have any words. I am glad that you don't have to be around these people much but honestly that is more time than they deserve.

    Sometimes it can be hard to stand up for yourself in the moment especially when so many emotions are involved so don't feel bad about that. I hope she never brings it up again but at least if she does I hope you have some choice words set aside for her.
    imageimageimage"Image">image"Image">image
    Our Little Raspberry-Born 3/27/12
    We Said I Do 09/06/09
    We love our Frankie Dog (5yo pit) and our Paco Kitty Dx Endo 12/09 Lupron 3/10-9/10 BFP 08/11 Bday 3/27/12 Lap Surgery 2/26/13
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