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Trying For Baby After Loss (not me)

lfk2013lfk2013 member
1000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary Name Dropper
edited December 2013 in Getting Pregnant
One of my really good friends lost her baby (stillborn) in September (almost 27 weeks PG).  She was the first of our group of friends to get PG and I've wanted to talk to her about it and be more supportive, but haven't known what to say. She was so excited (it was their 1st) and we were all excited since we would be having a mini-reunion at DH & I's wedding in October.  The whole thing happened less than a month before the mini-reunion.  

I just found out that they are trying again.  I am so thrilled for them.

For those of you that have had this happen, how would you feel if you relayed that you're trying again and someone responded "I'm happy for y'all!  Best of luck!"?  I know it's such a sensitive, emotional topic...I just want to tread lightly.

Thanks.
Anniversary
Married: 10/13/2013
TTC #1: Mirena removed 5/26/2015; DH - normal SA, me - diagnosed with PCOS 8/4/2016 - on Metformin;
BFP - 10/29/2016!!!, EDD - 7/8/2017

Re: Trying For Baby After Loss (not me)

  • I would say it depends on the friendship. 

    My BF yells at my "ovaries" to "hurry up" and I laugh because when I've been in a bad place she's always been there for me and knows when not to say that. 

    I feel like a smile, hug, and I'm happy for you is a sweet gesture. I do feel if she's sharing the news with you it's because she's close to you. 

    DX: 6/2012 PCOS  TTC: 6/2013  BFP: 9/6/2013  Attempt Natural m/c: 10/29/2013 D&C: 2/20/2014
    BFP 2: 7/7/2014 Beta 7/8: 115, Beta 7/12: 638, Beta 7/16: 3793, Beta 7/21: 21,625

    Pregnancy Ticker
  • It sounds like a very appropriate way to respond to her news that she's ttc again based on the information you've provided. 
    image
    First date July 31, 1999    Married January 28, 2009 
    TTC#1 July 2010 PCOS dx April 2011 
    DS born: February 21, 2012

    TTC#2 June 2013 MMC Sept 2013 (partial molar), CP 02/2014 DS2 born: December 5, 2014
  • Saying you're happy for her is a great start! I'd probably say something along the lines of hoping for wonderful things for her and her H, rather than "good luck," but either sentiment has great sentiments behind it. Like NOB said, if she's sharing the info with you, I'm sure it's because she considers you among her closest friends. 
    imageimage
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers
    TTC since July 2012
    BFP #1: 11/9/13; spontaneous m/c at 6w2d, 11/25/13
    BFP #2: 12/31/13. B/w 12/31: betas >1000, progesterone 13.6; B/w 1/2: betas 3065, progesterone 10.2
    B/w 1/8: betas 17,345, progesterone 25.6
    Progesterone suppositories started 1/2. Please stick, baby!!
    Fiona Elise born 9/9/14 - welcome beautiful girl!
    image
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  • If she doesn't bring it up, I'd say nothing.

    If she does, just give her a hug and tell her you wish her all the best. TTCAL is bittersweet.
    IUI - BFP! Baby boy born still - August 2012
    IVF - BFP - miscarriage June 2013
    FET - BFN
    FET - BFN
    Switched clinics
    IVF with PGD - three embryos created, all healthy - July 2014
    FET - transferred two embryos (boy and girl) - Nov 2014 - BFP!
    Baby Boy born July 2015

  • If she doesn't bring it up, I'd say nothing. If she does, just give her a hug and tell her you wish her all the best. TTCAL is bittersweet.
    I would agree with this. Let her know you are there if she ever needs to talk even though you dont know first hand what she is going through.

    Lilypie - XkBoLilypie - WuYI
    Me(27) PCOS, Hypothyroidism & Incompetent Cervix  DH(29) Azoospermia
    4/11- 12/11 Provera, 3 cycles clomid 50mg, all BFN (HSG-all clear)
    Dec 2011 DH S/A shows zero count - dx Azoo
    TESE 4/13/12 - Sperm found!! 5 viles frozen
    IVF ICSI #1- (Lupron protocol) 5R 2F 2dt- 2DP & 4CF - BFFN
    IVF ICSI #2-  (Antagonist protocol) Started stims 7/26
    ER 8/8 11R 9F 3dt - 9BF & 7BF (+HPT 8dp3dt)beta 1-184 beta 2- 1699 TWINS! EDD 5/1/13
    <312/9 Joshua David and Zoe Faith born too early at 19w4d due to incompetent cervix <3
    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
      LAP Transabdominal Cerclage - 4/15/13 only possibility of carrying my children to term
    IVF ICSI #3.2- (Antagonist Protocol) 7/26 start stims (same day, a year later from J & Z's stim start date!)
    ER - 8/7  19R 9F 3dt of 2 8BF embryos. (+ HPT 7dp3dt) Beta #1- 82.8 Beta #2- 821 Beta 3-7254
    9/11/13 - U/S showed 1 baby HR 135bpm! EDD 4/30/14
    Colin born via c/s 4/7/14 (36w5d) 6lbs 14oz - 8 days in the NICU
    TTC #2 - IVF 4 - July 2015 (Antagonist Protocol) 7/10 start stims
    15R 8F 5dt of 1E blast grade BA & 1 blast to freeze!! (+hpt 6dp5dt)
    beta #1-52 beta #2-62 Beta #3-6.5 - CP
    FET - 9/18/15 (+hpt 5dp5dt) beta #1 -225.1 beta #2-2468 beta #3-21,352
    10/29 - U/S shows 1 bean! HR 151 EDD 6/7/16 It's a BOY!
    5/18/16 Jacob born via c/s (37w 1d) 9lbs .8oz 19in - 6 days in the NICU



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