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1 year (just some ramblings)

I am having a really hard time getting into Christmas this year. I don't know if it's the stress from the accident, life in general or if it is because tomorrow marks one year of actually trying.
Last year on Christmas Eve my cousins wife announced her pregnancy, I didn't take it well at all. The next morning Rich came to me and told me he was ready to start trying. Now here we are a year later and still nothing. I'm taking it a lot harder than I thought I would.
It's taking everything I have not to say I just want to just stay home while everyone is out celebrating.

I know as soon as I get to my families house I will be handed the baby to watch while my cousins wife and my aunt finishes cooking. The last thing I want to do is be reminded once again of what I don't have.
I'm sorry for the long rambling, and especially if it doesn't make sense. You ladies are the only ones who get me, and what it's like to go through this.
My heart feels broken and I'm trying so hard to not ruin Christmas.
Why couldn't my down day wait until after the holidays?

Thank you for "listening" that's all I really needed. I know this down period will end. It just sucks it's hitting me so hard today.

Re: 1 year (just some ramblings)

  • ((Hugs)) sweetie. If anyone can understand your feelings, it's us.

    I honestly thought I was going to need to avoid DH's nephew's baby at Thanksgiving for the sake of keeping myself together. But once I was there with everyone, I was okay holding her and playing with her. I was still very sad, but I love her for herself, so somehow I was okay.

    I hope that's how it can be for you. And if not, just let them know you'd rather help your aunt finish cooking than watch the baby.

    I hope you can enjoy the day without too much sadness.
    imageimage
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers
    TTC since July 2012
    BFP #1: 11/9/13; spontaneous m/c at 6w2d, 11/25/13
    BFP #2: 12/31/13. B/w 12/31: betas >1000, progesterone 13.6; B/w 1/2: betas 3065, progesterone 10.2
    B/w 1/8: betas 17,345, progesterone 25.6
    Progesterone suppositories started 1/2. Please stick, baby!!
    Fiona Elise born 9/9/14 - welcome beautiful girl!
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  • I'm sorry that you're feeling down. Hitting the year certainly hurts and honestly it doesn't get any easier from there. I hope you can still enjoy the holidays though.

    Do you have any plans for testing coming up or moving to an RE? Sorry if you've posted abou that before, I'm a bit behind lately.
    image

    TTC since March 2012 w/irregular and anovulatory cycles.  
    Moved to an RE October 2013  HSG- All clear , S/A- Normal , Bloodwork -Normal
    Uterine polyp found-  Hysteroscopy and D&C 12/6/13  DX w/complex endometrial hyperplasia
    Endometrial Biopsy 3/21/14 - Hyperplasia still present  Endometrial Biopsy #2 6/24/14 - All clear!
    IUI #1  w/stims and trigger - Started stims 7/7/14 - IUI 7/24/14 = BFP 8/7/14
    Beta #1 8/8 - 47  Beta#2 -137  Beta#3 - 96 Beta#4 -287 Beta#5 -519 Beta#6 121 = early miscarriage 5w4d
    Nestie Besties with Nfp147 
  • Lots of (((hugs))).... hope you're able to find a way to enjoy the holidays. xoxo
    imageimage
  • Sorry hun, lots of hugs. Easier said than done, but just try to keep your head up. Hopefully you are able to find some joy tomorrow. We are here for ya! xoxox HUGS!!!!

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  • edited December 2013
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  • **hugs** BEB!! I am so sorry your 1 year mark is falling on what is supposed to be a happy holiday. Whenever I am around my nephews and tell myself that since I don't get to have my own baby just yet I am going to be the best Aunt they could ever have and pour all my love into them every second I am with them. It is soothing for the time being...

    I am so sorry about the year mark...

    Hopefully your BFP comes early in 2014!

    imageMags's book recommendations, liked quotes, book clubs, book trivia, book lists (read shelf)
     
    TTC 19 months ~Started RE in March 2014~
    DH was not ready for IUI so we waited
    ~Started acupuncture in  May 2014~

    ~~
    BFP 7/6/14~~~EDD 3/14/15~~It's a girl!!~~
  • @Xan921, my OBGYN said we would discuss options at my annual appointment in early February, if I don't have a BFP by then. My thyroid levels just leveled out in September, so it'll be about 6 months since that in Feb.
    Honestly though, besides testing, I'm not sure how far we will go procedure wise. I personally don't think I want to do IUI or IVF, so if it comes down to that, it may very well just be the end of the road. (For now)
  • I'm sorry BEB. I really hope it's not as bad as you think and that you and R can enjoy the holiday!
    imageimageimageAnniversary
  • Thank you so much ladies. After an ugly cry, some Christmas cookies and painting my nails, I feel a bit better.
    At least now I don't think I will fall apart at my family gathering!
    Maybe I can get DH to take me by Starbucks on the way out to my family's :-)
  • The one year mark sucks. Big time. Enjoy a nice bottle... Err glass of wine. I hope today isn't as bad as you expect, but if it is, don't let that make you feel bad because it's ok to be in a bad place sometimes. This sucks and I'm sorry you are going through it.
  • Ugh, I'm sorry. :( I hope your day isn't as bad as you're anticipating. <3
  • I'm really sorry. The year mark sucks and to have it fall on Christmas makes it that much harder. ((Hugs)) It's ok to feel down - be kind to yourself dear.
    Congrats to my TTC buddy Madeline! Cheering for all the strong 3T ladies! 

    TTC since March 2012; DX: PCOS 4/2013 
    BFP 7/6/2013; EDD 3/6/2014 
    Diagnosed with Pre-E: 2/15/201
    Emergency induction: 2/16/2014
    Baby E born: 2/16/2014 at 12:56pm. 5lb 15oz



  • I'm so sorry, I hope you are still able to enjoy your holiday and that 2014 brings you your BFP! ((Hugs))

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  • So sorry BEB. Hope you've still found some peace and enjoyment in the holiday and that 2014 brings you answers and results.
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    my read shelf:
    Sarah (mrs.vedo)'s book recommendations, liked quotes, book clubs, book trivia, book lists (read shelf) 


    Pregnancy Ticker
  • I'm sorry BEB - I hope your day was okay and you were able to enjoy yourself
    image
    Anniversary
    08/13: Started TTC  - 07/14: PCOS dx
    BFP 09/18/15 - Baby S 05/27/16
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