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jmm05
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Paying for rental car for In Laws - Husband and I disagree
I need unbiased feedback - thank you in advance!
My husband's parents live out of the country, but make trips fairly often and stay for an average of 3 weeks with each trip. They used to come and just borrow a car as needed from one of us (husband, me, brother/sister in law). Then, a couple of years ago they decided to rent a car for their stay. My husband and his brother decided to go in together and cover the rental. It was no big deal at the time as it was a one time thing. Well, two years later and several trips later, they're still covering the rentals 50/50. Before this last trip I brought it up to my husband that it's too pricey and that we need to stop paying towards the rental b/c we need to focus on our own family's needs. He agreed. 3 weeks later his parents have come and gone and his brother covered the rental 100% and just asked if we were going to go in on it with him or not. My husband now feels bad and is going to cover 50% of the rental. When I brought up the conversation he went on to say that he owes them for everything that they've paid for in his life (college, etc). My point is that we have a baby and a house and our own expenses. Additionally, they would be able to get by borrowing one of our cars, so there's no need to have a rental. I'm angry about 2 things: The first being that we already discussed this and he should have followed through discussing with his brother so that everyone was on the same page. The second being my husband's feelings that he "owes" his parents for paying his way through college. I have to pay student loans, and I actually am paying my dad back for a student loan that he paid off for me 5 years ago (but that was the agreement at the time). My parents were not able to support me or pay for my college education - but he knew all of this and knew about my student loans long before we were engaged or even married. To me - I don't feel like we owe his parents anything more than gratitude and appreciation. Am I being selfish and stingy? Or am I right that we have no reason to be paying $150 or more each time they visit so that they can have an extra car to go shopping/etc?
Thanks for listening to my rant.
Re: Paying for rental car for In Laws - Husband and I disagree
He needs to tell them -- and his brother --- email them and cc it to both -- that he can't afford to pay half the rental. He and you have too many other expenses.
After that, his parents' ball game. He is not obligated.
1- your DH was wrong to agree to not pay then not tell his brother or his parents this. To say yes to you and then "oh, ooops- I still need to pay" was wrong of him. he needs to figure out where he falls on this.
2- I'd actually like to know more about the car situation. You say you have an extra car they can use, but then make a comment about how they wanted an extra car to "go shopping etc". IS there a car they can 100% use whenever they want or isn't there? To me, I get the impression that there is something about the "extra car" situation that wasn't actually working for them and they feel it's easier to rent a car.
3- I have NO idea what your having student loans has to do w/ this or that your DH "knew this" when you all got married. You're comparing apples to oranges here and it makes no sense.
Honestly, when it comes down to it - I see where your DH is coming from. And I actually think it's really great that he doesn't take everything for granted that his parents have done for him. As you full well know, not everyone gets their schooling paid for. The fact that HE sees this and wants to do a little to say "thank you" to them- GOOD. The fact that you seem to take issue w/ the fact that your DH doesn't take that for granted seems really odd. Is it that you're jealous? Or... what?
In the end, can you all REALLY not afford the $150 or is it just you being pissy about it for "whatever reason" (jealousy, not liking his parents, or...??? Again, what?)? For your DH, this IS how he wants to show his gratitude and appreciation. Work with him on this. If one year it's one visit for $150 but the next it's 4 and now costing you $600 - o.k. - that's an issue. Come up w/ a set amount. He can convey that to his brother and parents. "I can help pay for 2 trips. Anything past that- it's out of our budget.". If they all know this- they can plan around it.
But seriously - there is a lot of middle ground and I think that you need to actually figure out what your real issue is because I don't think it's really just about the $$.
I think your point is a good one and it might be worth talking to your husband about paying it forward instead of paying it back. My parents gave me a good life and paid for college but they don't expect that money back, they expect me to follow their example and provide the same for my children. Your husband's parents obviously understand the importance of looking after their kids so I'm sure they would not want you to sacrifice spending on your own children so they can have the luxury of an extra car. They really should be paying for that themselves and the fact that they have spent money on your husband in the past is irrelevant - that's just what parents do. Would your husband want your children to pay for his rental car, or would he want that money to go into your grandchildrens' college fund?
I understand why your husband paid for it this time since he had not discussed the change with his brother/parents in advance, but you need to let them know well in advance that this is the last time.