Family Matters
Leftie22
member
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Sibling frustration again
I've posted before about my sister, who has many mental and physical health problems, but who is not getting any type of care. (She refuses because she doesn't think she has mental health issues, and thinks doctors don't recognize her physical issues.) Three years ago, she stopped all contact with my parents, because she blames them for all her problems. She also stopped working and hasn't worked or talked to my parents since. Today, I found out that even though she still refuses to see our parents, she has asked them for money. They're now financially supporting her because she has absolutely no money and still isn't working. I just feel so frustrated by her, I could scream. And I feel terrible for my parents, who have been supportive of her even when she wasn't talking to them. When I talked to my sister about it, she said they "owe" her because of her childhood. I know my sister needs help, but i just can't handle her attitude and what she's doing to my parents. Has anyone else been in the same boat? Any advice? Thanks in advance!
Re: Sibling frustration again
You're so frustrated you wanna scream ? Then girl, scream! And keep on being a great daughter and citizen. Give your parents some light while they deal with the darkness of your sister.
And draw some boundaries for you and her. To take care of YOU. I cried over my decision to not invite my sister to my wedding, but it was a decision for the best. Draw the lines you need do that you are ok. Your parents will have a harder time with that because it's unnatural for parents to draw boundaries with kids, even when they need them so bad.
If they ask, be honest and tell them that they should make therapy for her mandatory if she wants any cash ! But if they don't ask, stay out of it. As frustrated as you are, must be heart breaking for them.
DMoney will be a kickass big sister
So agree with both of these statements. Especially the first. "Help" your parents by bringing some enjoyment into their lives and hopefully a lack of stress.
If THEY talk to you about it- then talk. But unless their supporting her will cause $$ issues down the road (and in turn, they'll turn to you for help), this really is their business. Not yours.
Good luck.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
My advice to you:
Cut her off completely.
Don't let her be a drain on your emotions, do not let her live rent free in your mind and do not let her be a codependency.
Stop the enablement.
Let her sink. Her problem.
Don't answer her emails or her phone calls or her texts. Change your phone numbers if you have to and if she contacts you by snail mail, "Return to Sender" all of her communiques, unopened.
You do not have to tell her she's being cut off. Just do it.
Your parents have a problem: this is enablement and it's not healthy.