Buying A Home
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Buying house - moving in with mom

My husband and I are renting a lovely townhouse, a far distance from my job. (About 90+miles) We finally did our budget from 2013 and we discovered majority of funds are going to tolls and gas (average $550-600 in total). This may be minimal, but while paying off the tail end of debt (credit cards, etc) it's pretty difficult to save for a home. After speaking to a realtor we were told to have about $15K saved which would give us a nice wiggle room and if we get the seller to pick up the closing costs - even better.

Now, I talked to my husband and the idea of moving into my mom's house in her guest bedroom.
My father passed away June of 2013, and she's been struggling a bit financially. My husband is pro the idea of saving money and on board.

I guess I'm just deciding if this is the best decision for us. I love our privacy, and our townhouse but the harsh reality is: it's eating at our disposable income. We strap down, pay off the last of our debt, save and buy a home.

Any views, opinions, personal experiences?

Thanks

Happily Ever After began 12.7.2013  

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Re: Buying house - moving in with mom

  • Why not just rent a cheap place closer to your office?

    Honestly living with our families would be hell on earth for both of us. I truly cannot imagine being desperate enough to choose that option for ourselves.
  • I've looked. Anything in the area by my job is off the highway in no so great areas. My husband is a police officer so he'll have the police vehicle with us. I'm not the picky pants, my H is.

    Happily Ever After began 12.7.2013  

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  • My husband and I are renting a lovely townhouse, a far distance from my job. (About 90+miles) We finally did our budget from 2013 and we discovered majority of funds are going to tolls and gas (average $550-600 in total). This may be minimal, but while paying off the tail end of debt (credit cards, etc) it's pretty difficult to save for a home. After speaking to a realtor we were told to have about $15K saved which would give us a nice wiggle room and if we get the seller to pick up the closing costs - even better. Now, I talked to my husband and the idea of moving into my mom's house in her guest bedroom. My father passed away June of 2013, and she's been struggling a bit financially. My husband is pro the idea of saving money and on board. I guess I'm just deciding if this is the best decision for us. I love our privacy, and our townhouse but the harsh reality is: it's eating at our disposable income. We strap down, pay off the last of our debt, save and buy a home. Any views, opinions, personal experiences? Thanks
    Sorry, I'm of the opinion that if you're old enough to get married, you should be supporting yourselves and not moving back home.  Pay down the credit card debt and then save for a house.  It may take longer, but that's the consequences of past actions.

    I also find it hard to believe that you can't find one place within the 90 miles you currently drive that is in a decent area and cheaper?  
  • We'll thank you for your opinion Joan. It's appreciated, and something I did discuss with my husband. I felt this overwhelming sense of failure that we didn't handle it on our own. My husband reassured me we didn't fail - we're protecting the savings we made - and where we want to be in a year. Living in miami, working in broward -- South Florida, yes - the area are slim pickings, especially in A 1-1 in this areas are expensive. South inexpensive living / north expensive and Shocker, majority of the decent apartments are in foreclosure, and homeowners are salvaging what they can. (It's my line of profession). We have 3 cars - apartment a frown on that, and don't get me started on how some places have a problem with government vehicles.

    It's not easy - we're doing our best, but I appreciate your opinion.

    Thank you all. Our lease runs up in 3 months. So time will tell.

    Happily Ever After began 12.7.2013  

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  • I'm on the other side of other pps. If you and your H are comfortable living with your mom (i.e. both you and your H do not have any issues with her, will put some money towards rent while saving, boundaries are set and both sides know what to expect) I would say go for it. My H and I currently live with my parents while we pay down our debt and save up for a home. Luckily, my H has a very close relationship to my parents, and my parents know their boundaries. I don't have 100% privacy, more like 90%, but my parents stay out of my business and let me be. Also, this is a cultural thing. So I have always been used to the idea.

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  • Can you sell one of those 3 vehicles to pay off more debt or add to savings??
    15K is not much of a down payment for a house - are you looking to buy for less than 100,000?

  • smbenevides1989 I appreciate the perspective. My husband struck gold on the MIL scale. My mother is private, has her own social life (church, ladies bible study, events, fundraiser, half marathon training) - she basically presented me a schedule and told me that she won't be home these days, and these nights (wink wink). She's adorable. My parents rented they're whole lives, and there's nothing wrong with it, but they always wanted more. God gave them six kids, and the dream faded a bit. My parents were supposed to retire in NC somewhere in the  mountains but stage four cancer stopped my parents plans on retiring together. My mother is a positive person, and keeps her nose out of my business. We're not planning on paying off ALL our debt, just the major APR's (about $4000 total) - nothing out of this world.

    @sisugal as for the cars - our car is my daily driver to work. His work car is a police car, county issued. The third is his motorcycle, as he's in the process of selling it - to save for a down on a second car, we're praying for a free and clear vehicle for my daily commute.

    The range for a down is anywhere for 10-20K. We're looking in the $175-225 range. In South Florida, that isn't the ideal, but we're hoping to buy soon before the prices rise a bit more.

    Happily Ever After began 12.7.2013  

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  • I generally recommend 20% down for best financing and interest rate.  FHA requires a small downpayment but you will find many sellers resistant to FHA --- AND you wiill pay PMI for the life of the loan (unless you refinance down the road - or sell before it is paid off.)
    Remember you also need to save for closing costs, start up costs, moving costs, repairs & renovations, decorating additional furniture, tools, ladders, lawnmower, outdoor furniture.
    **You will NEED an emergency fund in place after all that is paid in full! - and please do NOT use your credit card for the above costs.
    Owning a home is much more than the monthly payment.
    Keep ALL housing costs no more than 25-28% of your TAKEHOME pay (mortgage, PMI, Insurance, taxes & utilities and HOA if applicable. Do NOT take the amount they will lend you as the amount that you can afford.  Make that decision based on your own income and exprenses and plans for the future (children?- daycare or SAH - both will impact your budget, vehicle replacement etc etc.

  • DH and I lived with his parents for 2 months in 2012 after we sold a home and moved cross country. We could have lived there longer, but we found a home we wanted to buy in our new location. The caveat was that we had the entire 2nd floor of their home to ourselves (2 bedrooms, 2 baths, and an office).

    If you don't have kids or pets, and your mom is very aware of your privacy and won't control your life AND YOU KNOW THIS FOR CERTAIN, then I would consider her offer.

    I would speak openly about chores, laundry and groceries. Set expectations. For example, I asked my MIL if she wanted me to do her laundry. She said, "No." We decided that everyone was on their own for breakfasts and lunches, but that she and I would swap making dinners. We kept our area of the home clean and tidy, she and FIL did theirs and we worked together on the combined areas.

    Lastly, I would set a time frame. Start with 3 months. See how it goes. Then, maybe 3 more. Personally, I would not live with family longer than 6 months.

     

  • I think that if you choose to move forward with the plan to live with family, PP's suggestion re. starting with a plan to live there for 3 months is a good idea. Make sure you have a back-up plan set for if things don't work out. You don;t want to loose a good relationship with family over this. If things get tense, you need to be prepared to move out ASAP, even if it means moving to a marginal area.
  • One out of the box thing to consider is the expectation of the future.  Are you going to be ok with having your mom move in with you in your new home?  If she's already financially struggling and you move in to her apartment now she might be hoping you'll return the favor when you buy your new home.  This might sound crazy but definitely be aware of what accepting her offer opens you up to later down the road.

    If you're serious about moving into her apartment you could always stay over for a weekend with your husband and get a feel for the situation.  Even though he's on board it's probably better to get a feel for how your husband responds to the environment now that have him resent you for months because he's unhappy and really does require his own bathroom/privacy.  

    Good luck finding the right path for you and your husband!
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