What do you girls do to sort it out?

smbenevides1989 · January 2014

I posted on Thankful Thursday how I'm thankful that my H deals with my indecisiveness. Well, at this point I can't deal with it, and I don't know what I should do so any advice would help. This will most likely be long.

Back story: I kinda put my dreams of being an architect on hold when I was with my ex because we were supposed to get married, blah, blah, blah, so I went to a community college close to home. He dumped me - so then I finally got to go to my dream school. I went there, met my now H. I unexpectedly got pregnant so I took a year off. I went back for another semester but then realized that 30 hours of homework each week with an infant was tougher than it was. I ultimately decided to leave and go back to the community college to get my associates in Business Administration, since that was what I was doing for work.

Now I always had the intention of going back, but it got harder and harder as Lexi got older and her needs changed. My H was working nights during that time, and I just didn't want to dump DD on my parents every night so I could get something done.

Since I had left architecture, my life has been all over the place. I have always known what I wanted to do since I was 11. I had that passion for it. When I switched, I pretty much just found hobby jobs (while I was working my admin part time job) to try to fill a void. I did Mary Kay for a few months before I sold all my product back to the company. I started taking cake decorating classes, loved it, and thought I should go to school for culinary arts. I thought I wanted to be a SAHM - but we also needed my pay to get by.

What made my indecisiveness worse was when I took my current job. I started as an intern working as a admin for a group of engineers and scientists. I really like my job. I love the atmosphere, the people, the pay... it was definitely better than my last job. They pay for you to go to school in one of their employee related jobs. I then made the decision to go to school for engineering instead. Great, my boss supported me, everyone supported me, I was excited. I had all my paperwork ready to go to school on January 27th.

Then this past weekend, it all hit me. I don't want to do this anymore. I'm not happy with where this part of my life is. I feel like I can't focus. The only thing I do know is that I love my H and DD and I love being a wife and mother. When I go home, it's the best feeling in the world. I have that smile on my face. But then I think about where I am career-wise, I feel guilty and pissed off at myself. I don't have the choice to stay at home full-time or part-time. I have to stay at my job for another two years, at least.

If you've read through this all, thank you - you deserve your pictures back (I can't work magic though!) I'm sorry it got long.

What do you do to focus? I feel like I need to slow down, but when I just sit there, my mind starts racing with a million thoughts. It's really starting to get to me. Someone noticed how down I have been. I guess she saw pass my smile. I didn't even realize how down I've been.

nightmare_of_beauty · January 2014

Ok first thing you need is a million hugs. I can't actually hug you, so *hugs*

Second, I wish I could tell you the best way to handle all of this. I know it's overwhelming and frustrating. I find the best time for me to really think about things is when I'm doing something else. Especially while sewing, I have something to concentrate my main focus and I can work out any problem in my mind while working. Is there anything like that you can do?

If architecture is what you have a passion for than I think you should try to focus on that. Could you take a class or two to experience what you would be doing and see if it's still something you want?

wiggyslilsis · January 2014

First off, I am sorry you are going through this. These are huge life decisions and you have every right to take your time with them.

I LOVE being a mother and a wife and managing our household. I am lucky enoughto be able to stay at home wwith LO for now. (Kind of, we could use more money but we can't afford childcare) but I am happyto be home wiwith her. On the other hand, I know I can't stay home with her forever because eventually she will grow up. This is why I am pursuing my degree in Psychology. I can see myself working as a therapist when Ava Nichol is older and in school.

Where do you see yourself in 5 years? 10 years? If you are happy with your life right now then that is fine. You don't have to have a lifetime dream or goal but if you see yourself somewhere different in 5 years then start setting up the framework for that right now.

smbenevides1989 · January 2014

@nightmare_of_beauty I used to draw, but now I like to bake and cook. When I do those things, I become happy and that's where my creativity shows. I'm actually looking forward to Saturday because I am making my dad a beer mug cake. Other than that, I really don't have many hobbies. Maybe I can actually do some of the craft projects that I have been wanting to do. But I don't have that one consistent thing to calm me down. Maybe I could see if there is something I could focus on in Architecture that might help me see.

@wiggyslilsis This is the big problem for me. I don't know where I see myself in 5 years. I usually do mostly because I love to plan for the future, but this is one area in my life that I cannot see myself in. I feel like I'm stuck. Like right now, I wish I could just work part-time and stay home with Lexi, but I don't think that would solve anything. Maybe clear up my mind better??

Another problem i have had is that I get swayed into something way too quickly. I am trying really hard not to jump into anything without thought.

wiggyslilsis · January 2014

I think that makes sense. I think taking your time is probably best. Maybe try picturing the different routes you could go and where that would take you in the future? Do any of them feel right?

The thing that keeps getting me is that I always thought of having 2-3 kids and now when I think about the future I don't see that.I always see just Ava Nichol and us. I don't know if that means we are one and done or if tthat will change so I am keeping that part of my life undecided for right now. I think it is okay to have parts if your life that are undecided.

smbenevides1989 · January 2014

I'll try doing that. Thank you. I think I will take the advice of keeping it undecided for now. I do want to focus on my life the way it is right now. Two big things H and I are working on is TTC and saving up for a house, and those two things do feel right to me. I'll keep my path open and just wait for the wake up call lol.

wiggyslilsis · January 2014

I think that sounds about right. You will figure out what works with your plans of TTC and buying a house and things are constantly changing so an opportunity might come up that you didn't even think of!

LittleLady77 · January 2014

It's really hard to balance/prioritize career vs. family. I struggle with this a lot too, not in the same way but I feel guilty a lot because I am SO career focused. I really don't think there is a right or wrong answer but I would certainly do more research before making the commitment to go back to school. I started my degree as an engineer and the classes were so boring (think 20 guys and 2 girls, no one talking and really REALLY boring and difficult classes). I see a lot of people go back to school because they want higher pay or more recognition but sometimes experience and drive mean a lot more than education. That being said, if you do want to focus on your career, education is mandatory. Good luck.

smbenevides1989 · January 2014

Thanks LL. I think in the beginning I was in the mind frame "I need more pay to support my family" because I was the original breadwinner before my H got his current job. I know that its not the right way of thinking.

I'm just going to focus on finding myself and slowing down before I make an other decisions on education.

I really appreciate you girls listening to me. I haven't really talked to anybody about the entire issue (other than my H of course) so it felt nice to get it off my chest.

What do you girls do to sort it out?

Re: What do you girls do to sort it out?

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