WWGPD? - Somewhat of a rant

PandPMeant2B · January 2014

So I don't know if anyone remembers me posting about a surprise wedding DH and I were invited to a few weeks ago. While it was sort of a clusterfuck and not at all my thing, the bride really enjoyed it. Turns out the groom let her in on the surprise around noon that day, so it's not like she showed up and had no clue what was going on. There were a lot of etiquette fails, IMO - The dress code was "casual lodge attire" (it was at a ski lodge); WTF is that???, cash bar (which is a total pet peeve of mine and I stand by my argument - yes I've gotten into an argument with some people about it - that just because something is accepted doesn't make it proper etiquette); not even soft-drinks were included! When DH told me he paid $2 for my club soda I wanted to spit it out and drink regular water for the rest of the night.

ANYWAY, now the bride's friends want to throw her a surprise shower, since she didn't have one. This was a second wedding for both of them and they have been living together for years. I'm kind of against the whole idea, but am considering attending because I like the bride (wife? since she's not a bride anymore?). The girls want to have it at a diner and have everyone pay for their own meal, plus hers AND chip in for a gift. Am I being too judgey here? I've already been to one shower here where I had to bring a gift, a dish to serve 30 people, and my own booze. Maybe I'm just annoyed that they're calling it a shower. Maybe if they said, "Hey, K's married! Let's take her out for brunch!" I wouldn't be so offended. I just don't think they need anything and we already gave them a generous wedding gift. Should I suck it up and go or stay on my high horse and stay home?

WWGPD?

Sorry, that got longer than I intended. Here's a cookie AND a cupcake:

edited to fix bum pic

LuckyAngel07 · January 2014

Urm...no. If someone wants to throw someone a shower, you don't ask every single guest you're inviting to pay for their own meal, chip in for the lady of honor, and shell out for a(nother) gift. That's just extremely tacky. (As is the 100% cash bar at the wedding; WTF at no soda!?)

I think if you gave them a wedding gift already, you're done. The point of a shower is to get the gifts/money ahead of time so people aren't bringing it all to the wedding (even though inevitably there are people who bring their gifts at that point). If they got gifts from everyone already at the wedding (even if it was all cash/checks/giftcards), that's it. Throwing a shower after the fact is a little too much, IMO. I would NEVER want someone to do that (just like if people elope....there's no wedding, there's usually no shower!).

seahorse01 · January 2014

Eh, I can't get worked up about it. He dad wants to throw the shower, it isn't like she is throwing it for herself. Don't go if you don't want to. I can't imagine that a dinner at a diner would break the bank.

LooneyLife · January 2014

I won't pretend to not judge people's etiquette, but it's not worth getting worked up over. If she's a friend that you want to wish well, then go. If you're not that great of friends and seriously offended, then don't go.

mrsvedo · January 2014

seahorse01 said:

Eh, I can't get worked up about it. He dad wants to throw the shower, it isn't like she is throwing it for herself. Don't go if you don't want to. I can't imagine that a dinner at a diner would break the bank.

This. I currently have a FB friend pregnant with baby number 3 who is throwing herself an "online shower" because she doesn't live near friends or family. She created a FB event, invited all of her friends and linked her registries. I can't be mad about your friend.

lilliesandvino · January 2014

If you wanna go, go. If not, don't. It sounds kinda tacky and gift-grabby to me, but I'd probably still go if it was a friend.

An invitation is not a summons. I think people (both the inviter and invitee) forget that sometimes.

R.Wilsonny · January 2014

Yea, this def sounds gift grabby, even if the wife is not the one organizing this thing. Definitely tacky, but not worth getting angry over. Me personally, I wouldn't go, but that's just me.

Xan921 · January 2014

I do think it is tacky and I'd probably side-eye it if someone invited me to something like that, but I'd go if the person was a good friend of mine because the bride didn't decide to have a surprise wedding and miss out on the shower part of it all, so I wouldn't 'punish' her for it, ya know?

nfp147 · January 2014

It's a bit odd, but if you think you'll enjoy it and you like the bride, then go. A diner won't be expensive.

PandPMeant2B · January 2014

Thanks, ladies. I gave it a lot of thought (probably too much) and I'm not angry about it; I guess I was just worked up when it first happened. It's certainly not about the money (I can afford the diner lol), but it's still tacky and I think I'd rather take her out to lunch to celebrate than go to this "shower" If I know I'll end up wearing my judgey pants there. If she was either a great friend or just an acquaintance my decision would be much easier; I met her through DH and, while I like her, she's somewhere in between.

Thanks, as always, for "listening" and offering your advice/opinions!

nightmare_of_beauty · January 2014

Agree with pps, it's tacky. And again with pps, if they were a close friend I would go, if not than I wouldn't go.

MIL had talked about throwing SIL a shower after her wedding. Most of my ILs side thought it was a great idea. It didn't end up happening. I side-eyed that, but I also have other reasons.

PandPMeant2B · January 2014

MH1006 said:

I'll admit I'm pretty judgmental, but this post is totally annoying. Feeling really good about myself this morning though, so thank you for that.

...and commenting just to say you're annoyed is totally a good use of time... and not at all annoying, either. You're welcome for the self esteem boost.

cinderin · January 2014

I wouldn't go. Too much wrong with this.

WWGPD? - Somewhat of a rant

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