What would you ladies think if a woman called your husband this? [Closed. Thank you.]

awinter2017 · January 2014

Husband has a gym friend who is female and he's known her longer than me. She loves working out. Yada yada. He's open, not hiding anything cause I know the password to his phone and he'll give it to me anytime. I'm not worried he's cheating. He's very simple. He doesn't get upset easily and he gives people the benefit of the doubt. However, he might be missing it that she's flirting with him one tiny step at a time. Am I paranoid or not?

Thank you, ladies.

ReturnOfKuus · January 2014

I actually reared my head back in alarm at this. That is an odd thing for a platonic friend of any gender to do.

Tread carefully.

GilliC · January 2014

I would have to know the dynamic between the two of them. I have some male friends that I call by silly affectionate names, so "Good morning sunshine!" might come out of my mouth in a purely platonic way. I'm not sure about the "lovely" part, because I only use in a very matronly way when describing people ("Oh, she's so lovely! She brought me a spare casserole dish when I told her I needed one!").

If you know the two of them, and this is out of character for the way they interact when she knows you're listening, then I would be concerned. But I would explain to him why you're concerned. You trust him, so just talk openly and calmly about how and why it's bothering you.

TattieSoup · January 2014

It sounds like it's a bit much all together. I have friends that I feel I can call anytime, and ones I hang out with a lot, and ones that I call affectionate nicknames, but I can't think of any that I do ALL those things with.

TarponMonoxide · January 2014

ReturnOfKuus said:

I actually reared my head back in alarm at this. That is an odd thing for a platonic friend of any gender to do.

Tread carefully.

If this is her idea of a greeting, I am leery. Very leery.

Or she's got a very odd sense of humor.

Why does she need to even call him at all? That needs to stop.

tiffanysbride · January 2014

ReturnOfKuus said:

I actually reared my head back in alarm at this. That is an odd thing for a platonic friend of any gender to do.

Tread carefully.

Something doesn't sit right, she's either flirting and he is missing it or is encouraging her attention. Gym friends are more like acquaintances in my book, not someone you call at 7 am. Why did he answer the phone? Something just seems off. Furthermore, I don't believe that friendships with the opposite gender work unless the friend truly respects your marriage. It seems like that may not be the case here.

Leftie22 · January 2014

I would NOT be okay with that, at all. It crosses the line, in my books. And I find that a lot of men act naive and like they don't know that someone is flirting so that they don't have to do anything about it. Would your DH be okay with a male friend calling you at that time with the same greeting? I also don't like that his explanation is that HE isn't HER type. So...what if he was her type? I don't know. The whole things sounds fishy, and if you have a bad feeling, trust it. My DH had a "business" partner when we first met who obviously liked him. My DH kept denying it, and even tried to introduce us. Guess what? She refused to meet me. At that point, I told him I wasn't sticking around as long as she was around. It was obviously not innocent on her part. Trust your gut!

na41313 · January 2014

I would not be comfortable with that at all. More importantly, I know my husband wouldn't be either. But maybe that's just us.

R.Wilsonny · January 2014

Ditto PP's....I would not be happy if some random woman called my H at 7am and called him some pet name - I would be questioning her motives. Something doesn't seem right here, even if your H doesn't see it. Not to sound alarmist here, but the fact that he says that he's 'not her type' seems suspect. How does he know he's not her type?

vpine · January 2014

I think she might be a little flirty. Even if your husband doesn't respond the same to it, I agree with ReturnofKuss - tread carefully.

VOR · January 2014

I'm in the "I need to know more about their dynamic" camp, quite honestly. How she said it, their overall relationship, etc.

For one, my MIL calls everyone "darling". Everyone. If someone ever got pissed at her for that, I'd have to LOL, quite honestly.

Second, I have a friend who is a flirt. It's just her personality. She's happily married and a really great person, but she just has a flirty way about her. It means nothing.

If what this woman is doing falls into either or both of the above, no, it wouldn't bother me.

The 7am call actually would bug me more! That's REALLY early to call someone one unless she was calling because she couldn't make their 8am meet-up.

I do agree, though, tread carefully. I dont' really understand blowing up at HIM, though. He's not the one who called. He can't control that. He can control not answering the phone, but I don't feel it's going to be productive to yell at him if you want him to really hear your concerns.

But still - is it possible for you to meet her (if you haven't) or see them together and get a better sense of their/her dynamic? If she blows into the gym and is saying "Hi lovely!" to everyone she sees - then you'll know it really does mean nothing. But if she comes in, talks to no one, and then lights up when she sees your DH - different story.

awinter2017 · January 2014

Thank you for your replies. He says after looking more at it, he thinks its inappropriate too and because of how hurt i seem by it he says he will speak to her and makes sure she understands how her greeting was interpreted. I trust him too much to think he would cross any lines, as for me I would more prefer for him to cut her off, but I guess its extreme if she's been a friend for so many years.

RenoisPrettierThanYou · January 2014

I totally see your concern. I call several people -- both female and male -- that I'm friends with inappropriate names....Peaches, Sunshine, Bubbles. It's my way of adding levity to the day. And, if I needed to call a co-worker in the morning, I'd probably use the same terms. I'm happily married and have no intention of making a move on any of the folks I work with. So, I guess I'm saying it comes down to her intent -- is that greeting her MO in general or is her special way of greeting someone she wants her hooks in? Since your husband finds it inappropriate too, I assume it's the latter and glad you could talk to him about it.

cloudymeatballs · January 2014

Well, like PP said, it depends on the dynamic of their relationship. I, personally, would not want some chic calling my H at 7am and calling him sweet names. If I really knew the girl, and she and I were cool, I may think differently, but then you would know her personality. My H, when we started dating worked with some chic, I think she was out of line with things and over stepped her boundaries. Texting him all the time, I let him know how it bothered me. He didn't see anything wrong with her for a while. Men don't always see things the way we as women do. We sense things and have certain instincts when we feel something is inappropriate. I finally got into it with him since it didn't stop, so now its all good. I don't know what goes on at work, but since we are married, I think he sees things a little differently. I always mention how would HE FEEL if roles were reversed. That opens their eyes a lot of times.

cloudymeatballs · January 2014

.

Erikan73 · January 2014

If if were just morning sunshine, I don't think I would have gotten upset, but adding the lovely part would have made me uncomfortable too. If she is flirting with him & he's not seeing it, thats great because it just goes that you have nothing to worry about on his end. Not sure how to make it better, with the exception that he needs to have a talk with her.

TCK&SMR · January 2014

I don't like it. If I were you, I would start going to the gym with him. I totally agree that guys need their space, and you can't be with your husband all the time, but can't he find a male friend to go to the gym with? If he objects to you starting to work out with them, then I would be concerned.

awinter2017 · January 2014

TCK&SMR, he actually has invited me many times to the gym, but i hate workout. I was so uninterested that he stopped asking and he said he'd love if i was his workout partner, we'd make a great team. actually going to push now to workout

lol

Sillygirl45 · January 2014

Yeah, the 7 am call along with the pet name is very odd to me. Nothing may be going on, but my friends don't call too early or late since I moved in with my now H in general. Things change when you're married. You respect not only your friends schedule, but their partners. If there was an emergency and someone needed to call me at the crack of dawn or the middle of the night, fine. Otherwise, no way. I don't think you're overreacting.

awinter2017 · January 2014

Thank you all for your help and advice.

[Closing Thread]

ReturnOfKuus · January 2014

I don't think threads close here.

TarponMonoxide · January 2014

Why was this thread supposed to be closed???

GilliC · January 2014

Sillygirl45 · January 2014

Soooo, is this like DD light? I'm not going to delete, I'm just going to pretend you may not make any more comments because I want to stick my head in the sand. No one even said anything mean. Well, now I really think something fishy is going on and OP may have just realized it.

DawnLilly · January 2014

There was a time where we all remembered first comment must quote the OP. I'm guilty of forgetting this too but posts like these are good reminders. OP its not because we are snoopy or must put in our two cents. It is because these posts are searchable and I always search for my question before I post a new one. If someone in the future is looking for advice on a similar situation you have just limited the spectrum of opinions available.

What would you ladies think if a woman called your husband this? [Closed. Thank you.]

Re: What would you ladies think if a woman called your husband this? [Closed. Thank you.]

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