Military couple slipping apart

Jaimeg1978 · January 2014

My fiancé and I have been engaged for three years now and our wedding has been postponed three times already

. Were both in the military and living pretty much apart most of the year but get 6 weeks together. First year he deployed short notice then last year I did, now this year iv been re deployed and he's been shipped on exercise as soon as I'm back. We're struggling and I know its because were always stressed with the other one away and when were on leave were stuck on a barracks. I just want our lives together

TarponMonoxide · January 2014

Why has your wedding been put on hold so many times?

The story behind that has to be a contributing factor in what's happening here.

You guys are supposed to be growing closer during an engagement, not putting a wedding on hold 3 times.

(Funds isn't it. The 2 of you could have had a very small affair with an officiant and perhaps 10 guests)

It could be stress, it could be something else.

What do YOU want to do?

GilliC · January 2014

Stop stressing about the wedding. If the two of you know you want to spend your lives together, it doesn't matter when you have a wedding. (If you need to be legally married for life insurance reasons, go to a JoP and have a wedding celebration later when the schedule works. The people who actually care about you will understand the circumstances and won't fault you for celebrating your nuptials after the fact.)

If you are not sure you want to spend your lives together, you need to sit down and think about why. Be honest with yourself, and be ready to walk away in spite of the fact that you've spent so much time together. It's scary as hell, but it's worth waiting to find someone who fits you.

And if it's just the stress of being apart, you need to figure out a way to fix the problem.

jtmh2012 · January 2014

Not sure when your enlistments are up, but sounds like maybe one (or maybe both?) of you needs to decide to not re-enlist when the time comes.

Mrs.Rad888 · January 2014

Look, he may be The One, but it's obviously not your time to be together. There's nothing wrong with putting an engagement on hold, or even calling it off, until the timing is right. You know what happens when you have unresolved issues, and get married thinking they'll go away? They don't, they just become permanent.

Wait until you can be together long enough to resolve your issues. If you both plan to stay in the military, this is going to be the reality for your marriage. I wouldn't recommend leaving the military unless you were already planning to, and certainly not for a boy. I did 20 years in the Navy, and it's not easy maintaining a relationship, even when you can be stationed in the same place. But, I refused to leave my career and become dependent on someone else. Look at the entire picture.

Unfortunately, sometimes love just isn't enough.

Military couple slipping apart

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