Husband has trouble performing in most positions

jenjennjennifer · January 2014

Hey girls.. I am new here.....I just got married 6 months ago. My husband has always had issues performing in any other position besides me on top. He just can't seem to maintain his erection any other way. I love him and I never made it an issue but now our sex life is starting to get really stale. He's only 29. He is not overweight but he has lost some of his fitness the past few years due to stress & not being as active. But I am not sure whether it's a physical thing or just a mental thing. Does anyone's husband/boyfriend have an issue like this? I am starting to get frustrated and it's getting harder to hide from him. He feels horrible about it as much as I try to tell him it's ok. I love him no matter what but I really want us to have a fulfilling sex life and right now it is not. I hate to sound whiney but I am getting really tired of being on top. I have also put on a few lbs and don't have as much energy. In the beginning, surprisingly, it didn't matter really because we were so infatuated with each other but now I need some variety. Thank you ladies for listening.

TarponMonoxide · January 2014

On your own, bounce this off a sex therapist.

It may be an anxiety thing. Maybe somehow he finds other positions "intimidating."

SmrBrd2012 · January 2014

Has he given any thoughts as to why this might happen to him? Would he be willing to talk to a doctor about it? You should try to sit down and talk to him about it outside of the bedroom. Does he...I don't know...have back problems? That would be the only thing I could think of since most other positions require the man putting more effort into it. Also like Tarpon said, maybe they other positions are intimidating because he would be the one having to put more effort into it? Does he seem anxious or have self esteem issues?

jenjennjennifer · January 2014

He has thought about it, and seems to think it is just a flexibility thing although he has pondered that it might be an anxiety issue. It is going to be very hard for me to convince him to go to the dr to talk about this. I've mentioned sex therapist before, too, and he won't have that either. Not sure if it's just because of $ or if he is anxious about it. Probably a combo of both. We've talked about it a few times but I've just stopped because he always seems to say he's going to work on it but doesn't in reality. No back problems but he did have a chest surgery when he was younger--basically his ribcage was caving into his organs.(opposite of pigeon chest)I have thought it may be something slightly related that.

FemmeLavande · January 2014

Identifying the cause will inevitably require the two of you to discuss it, as hard as it is. There are so many potential reasons for this, some physical, others psychological. Unfortunately, the problem will only be addressed if he is willing to do some introspection and potentially also see a doctor or counsellor. From personal experience, I know how difficult these conversations can be. Try to stay calm and supportive, and reminding him that you're bringing it up because you love him and want to fully share that love (which you seem to be doing!).

Also, it may be useful for you to read some materials and identify physical and psychological causes, create a short list, and then speak to him about them. Or maybe also identify the local sexual health clinic or particular counsellors in your area. Sometimes people need a little nudge and he won't be as embarrassed to research something if you've already given him a little support.

doeydo · January 2014

It sounds like it might be psychological (ie. more pressure on him to perform when he is on top/in control). Perhaps you two should go see a sex therapist.

oldbugle · January 2014

It might be helpful to look for a few other 'pointers'.....

Does he have problems when masturbating?....does he use any 'strange' or unique method to do so?........Is he able to self-pleasure in different positions?......Does he let you watch/participate? When you are on top, does he use thrusts or is he completely static??....and, are there any moves or things he 'has' to do to reach a climax such as flexing his legs etc?......

........Some men 'train' themselves to only reach climax by one distinct method and then find they are unable to develop things with a partner. A common instance is the so called 'death grip' method of masturbation which effectively trains a man to be unable to have satisfactory intercourse. The problem in this case is almost certainly something similar.

TattieSoup · January 2014

Do you use condoms? My husband has a very large willy and when we started going out he had problems keeping an erection once the condom was on even though we bought XXXL ones off the internet. We could only have sex with me on top until we ditched the condoms.

Mrs.Rad888 · January 2014

I don't understand guys who won't get checked when their penises stop working. If I suddenly couldn't have sex, you bet I'd be knocking on the doctor's door!

That being said, I'd couch it in terms of being concerned for his health. As a poster here is fond of saying, a man's penis is the barometer of his health. His issues may be psychological, but I'd want to rule out health related issues, too. He could have thyroid issues, blood pressure issues, prostate problems, etc. DH and I have talked about this, and he's agreed that he'll be damned if he's going to go the rest of his life unable to have sex just because he's afraid of having a doctor look at his junk.

Your frustration is understandable. Not just because of the sex, but because he's unwilling to work on a matter that affects both of you. While it's not threatening your relationship now, it may in the future. It's in his best interest all around for him to get checked out.

Husband has trouble performing in most positions

Re: Husband has trouble performing in most positions

Choose Another Board

Search Boards