Relationships
cherrycoke99
member
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
The boss....
Well its my boss' boss. I've been at my job for almost 1 year and I absolutely love it. I enjoy the work and have great co workers and bosses. My boss's boss and I seem to have formed a chemistry from the moment I met him in the interview. We talk all the time from work items to just random things and really seem to click. He is 48, married with 2 children and I'm 32 and have been married a little over 2 years. He also lives quite far from the office and stays at a hotel for part of the week every week. During those days, him and I usually end up staying late till 7pm or so just talking about all sorts of things and past life experiences. We have also gone to dinner several times while my husband is busy with other things. Nothing physical has ever happened between us but I feel like we both have some kind of tension being built up. During the work day, things are professional, but I have a feeling my other co workers can feel there is a difference between how he interacts with me and everyone else. Right around when I started my job there were some major issues that my husband and I faced, where I found refuge in my job and talking to the boss. My husband has met the boss and his wife one time previously. This is the first time I've had this type of relationship with someone in the workplace so just wanted to get some thoughts from others. The boss is a great mentor and a person I can really learn from professionally. What do you think his intentions are?
Re: The boss....
Hmm, there is a benefit to having a friendship with a boss as a mentor. But there is a dangerous slope you are on now as you are starting to build feelings for him. Stop staying late to talk to him, stop the dinners with him, and start talking to your husband about your feelings with your issues (because you should for the sake of any marriage). It is almost like you are dating this guy, when you should be focusing that time (and effort) in dating your husband again to get over your major issues and solidify your marriage.
But because you are saying there is a "tension" and that others can notice the (unstated) flirtation, blushing, attention, ect. you are headed down a bad path. This tension comes from sharing yourself (your problems, concerns, aspirations) with another person, and since it is obvious this guy feels the same you two should by no means be alone together. So start the distancing.
If you are able to get back to platonic, without the late evening chats and two person dinners, then maybe you can continue your workplace friendship in hopes of the mentoring and future promotion perspectives you described. Yet, that aspect appears to be minimal in the soon-to-be affair you are describing, so if you can't stop these feelings then you need to cut it off entirely. Especially when you note that he lives in an easily-accessible hotel not far from your work. Imagine how you would feel if your husband was this tuned-in to a co-worker's nightly residence? You asked what your boss' intentions are, but what are YOUR intentions?
I think you need to be a 9 to 5 person. No more dinners, no more talks no more anything -- this can turn into a very sticky situation.
Back away. BACK away. If you want to use him as a PROFESSIONAL mentor, then have set meetings IN the office about it. Stop staying late to chat, stop going to dinner with him. STOP.
You're playing with fire and you know this.
All I hear in your post is you working up to a "Gee, it just happened" situation. Nothing is "just happening". You even have a "my husband and I were having a rough time" thrown in there. You know what you're doing is wrong, so knock it off.
If you can't be professional outside of the hours of 9-5, leave it there.
Well said! I couldn't agree more. And any married man in a position of power who acts like this is being incredibly inappropriate and unprofessional. You should both have more respect for your partners. And learn how to act in a professional environment.
Ditto PP's. Do not play with fire like this if you care AT ALL about your marriage. There is no excuse for you if this goes further. None. You WILL ruin your marriage and you won't have anyone to blame but you. Distance yourself asap.
I've worked for places like that and it's always like a spoiled rich kid who gets his way all the time.
Again, get yourself out of anything compromising or tempting, while you still can -- and do it before it is impossible to extricate yourself. This whole thing could cost you your marriage and your job and your sanity.