Teachers... advice please.

bridget0117 · January 2014

So I have a 9 year old nephew who is having a lot of problems with his teacher. She yells at him often and makes him cry in front of the classroom. He got kicked in the balls by another student and when my nephew told her, she did nothing. But when my nephew talks (or does anything) she yells and he gets in trouble.

My sister has talked to her and she doesn't do change. When My sister picked him up today he was sobbing and my sister asked why (teacher was right there) he said "because she always yells at me and she's mean to me". She didn't deny it or anything.

How can we handle this? Just talking to the principal? Will that even help? Can it make things worse?

Any advice is appreciated.

TIA ladies

sgautschi · January 2014

I would think talking to the principal would be a good idea, but I'm not a teacher, so I can't be sure. I would think maybe they could switch him to a different teacher, or at least act as a mediator.

I hope it gets resolved soon! That isn't right.

BreMae · January 2014

My sister is a teacher and I've asked questions like this for a few people before. First step would be the principal if that doesn't help, get a district rep involved. I hope something can get resolved. Children should never be miserable at school.

PandPMeant2B · January 2014

That's so sad. I'm not a teacher, but I would definitely get the principal involved and ask about switching classes.

bridget0117 · January 2014

Thank you ladies.

My sister asked me to go with her to talk to the principal today. Hopefully that helps.

nightmare_of_beauty · January 2014

Keep us updated. Poor little guy.

lb1117 · January 2014

Poor kid

I have some school teaching experience. And this same situation took place to a friends little boy recently. She went to the principal. Nothing changed. So she went to the school board superintendent get somewhere. Treating a child like that isn't ok at all. I hope it's an easy resolution. That teacher sounds like a peach.

greenbeanqueen · January 2014

I'm a teacher, and at the risk of being flamed, I am going to offer a different perspective. I'm sure that there is some truth in what the child is saying, and please dont think that I'm saying the child is making this up, I'm not. Sometimes children (I teach 8 y/os) think that a teacher is being unfair to them, when that isn't the case. I've had parents tell me that their child thinks I "hate" them because I do not give them the amount of attention they want, or allow them their way. Also, kids sometimes think that if a teacher takes a strict tone with them, they are being yelled at. In the case of the other child kicking him in the balls, if the teacher didn't see what happened, she can only address it to a certain extent. Plus your nephew may not know if she addressed it privately with the other child. I know that at times, I don't "yell" at a student in front of the other students, instead I pull them aside and talk with them privately about their actions.

This teacher may very well be a bad teacher who is mean to your nephew, but there may be more to the story. All I want you to do is consider that the teacher may have chosen not to address it in front of the child, but may want to share her side in the meeting today. Don't go in there guns blazing ready to tar and feather this teacher. Just try to make sure you find out the truth. Being a teacher is very hard and it's even harder when the parents take the student's side without even hearing both sides. Even the sweetest most honest child will sometimes twist the truth.

My advice is definitely talk with the teacher privately (without the child present), and if that doesn't accomplish what you hope, then bring in the principal. Please don't take this to the school board unless it gets WAY out of hand. Obviously, stand up for your nephew, but be open to listening to what the teacher says. It may all be a misunderstanding, or there may be a lot more to this story and you are only getting the nephew's side. I'm sure your nephew is a great kid, but with 20-30 kids in classrooms these days you have to be open to the idea that he may not behave the same at school as he does at home.

Teaching is getting harder and harder. Teacher's really need parent support and parents who are at least open to listening to both sides. This teacher could very well be a piece of work and be being mean to your nephew, but she at least deserves the chance to defend herself in an adult conversation, not in the presence of a child who will likely argue with what she is saying.

I hope that helps, and that I didn't offend you.

ETA: Paragraphs

Emeraldeyed315 · January 2014

Everything greenbean said. Communication is key. Kids are exactly that...kids. What they feel is the truth/happening may not be the reality of the situation. Heck, what the teacher feels is the truth may not be the reality haha. I hope that your nephew feels better about his classroom environment soon! Keep us posted.

PandPMeant2B · January 2014

@greenbeanqueen is wise. My initial response was more emotional than rational. What GBQ said made me think of something... My 12 year old step son has a certain teacher who he says hates him and yells at him. We never thought this was the case, but he obviously sees it that way, so we brought it up to her during parent teacher conferences. She was noticeably upset to hear it and actually spoke very highly of him. She did admit that she takes a stern tone with her students at times, and can see how some might think they are being singled out, but that's just her style. We spoke with him about not taking things so personally and not doing anything that would elicit a "stern tone" from the teacher and things seem to have improved. Of course, my step son is 12 (so if he's not doing well in school it's always the teacher's fault, of course), not 9, and your nephew's teacher could be totally different.

Like GBQ said, communication is important. Give the teacher the chance to clarify. If she doesn't, then take appropriate action.

saisongbird · January 2014

Also a teacher, and I agree with PPs. There are times when a teacher needs to raise the volume of his/her voice or change to a harsher tone for a moment to get the class's attention if they are really getting out of line, and your nephew may be overly sensitive to it. Now, if the teacher really isn't doing anything then yes, you may need to go to the principal. But a discussion with the teacher, without the child present, is definitely the first step.

amccul20 · January 2014

I don't have any advice, but i'm glad there are ladies on here that do! good luck today

bridget0117 · January 2014

Thanks everyone.

@greenbeanqueen, I hadn't thought about everything you said and you are right. Kids are kids. I will definitely tell my sister that we should talk to the teacher first and see what happens.

You didn't offend me at all. I really appreciate the advice. Obviously, I've never been through this and that's why I needed advice from a teachers perspective.

Thanks ladies.

I'll update after the meeting later.

bridget0117 · January 2014

Okay, so I guess my sister made an appointment to sit down and talk with the teacher on Friday.

I explained what you ladies suggested to my sister and she agrees. We do not plan on going in and attacking the teacher at all. We need to sit down and talk with her about what is going on. Maybe we are missing something.

Once again, thanks for all the great advice.

wiggyslilsis · January 2014

That sounds like an awesome plan...I hope you guys can work it all out and please let us know how it goes!

greenbeanqueen · January 2014

Good luck!!!!

sgautschi · January 2014

Good luck! GBQ had an excellent perspective.

Teachers... advice please.

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