Feeling Frustrated

mrsbrouchoud · January 2014

I'm sorry to dump on you ladies, but I just don't have any other outlet at this point. I'm just so frustrated and I feel like my body hates me. I just can't seem to get pregnant. And, it's so hard because everyone is like, "Oh, you'll get pregnant as soon as you go off the pill." Also, doesn't help that my husband is like, "So are we ever going to have kids?" I'm like, uh hello? You have the easy part. I've asked my OB things that I can do to help and I've talked to DH about the things she said, but he like won't try them and said we don't need them. He also doesn't want me to talk to any of my friends/relatives who have children already as he feels like we don't need any help, I can do this on my own. I can't talk to my sister, as she is too pre-occupied planning her wedding and is being completely insensitive about the whole thing (she doesn't care for my husband much) and my mom just calls me a drama queen about everything. Oye. I was just reaching out to some patient, caring ladies here that can hopefully lend a caring, listening ear and maybe help me. I really want to be a mom and I'm just really hating my body right now. Thank you for listening.

RockABye · January 2014

How long have you been trying?

mrsbrouchoud · January 2014

I've only been trying for 5 months, and I realize that is not very long. I'm 31 and I was on the pill for 11 years, so I'm nervous that something might be wrong. Am I just completely freaking out?

LooneyLife · January 2014

It is completely normal for it to take up to a year for a healthy couple to get pregnant. Looking back at your one other post on GP, you just started trying. I understand it's frustrating to see others get pregnant on their first cycle trying and hoping it would be the same for you, but really, 2-3 months isn't long at all.

What suggestions did your OB give you? If you're looking for more suggestions, you can try OPKs to help you tell ahead of time when you might be getting close to ovulating. If you want to have more confirmation that you actually did ovulate, you can try charting. Otherwise, stick to EOD around the middle of your cycle and try and enjoy TTC!

sgautschi · January 2014

First, I'm sorry you are feeling this way. It's hard not to feel completely frustrated no matter how long you've been trying.

Second, have you heard of TCOYF? It might help you to understand your body a little better and feel more in control. However, it can be overwhelming, so you will need to decide how much you want to do (charting, temping or just EOD method). You are right that 5 months isn't all that long, it can take up to a year for a healthy couple to get pregnant. So don't worry just yet, but I know that can be easier said than done.

Finally, stick around. The ladies here have a lot of support and advice to give, if you are willing to give support as well. Good luck! And maybe post an intro so we can get to know you a little better.

ETA Forgot to add something

seahorse01 · January 2014

It sucks to want something bad and have it not happen.

All I can suggest is keep on keeping on. Maybe use OPKs if you aren't.

brij2006 · January 2014

It can take the average couple a year to conceive.

Here's the statistics from babycenter.com

Of all couples trying to conceive, here's about how long it takes:

30 percent get pregnant the first cycle (about one month)
59 percent get pregnant within three cycles (about three months)
80 percent get pregnant within six cycles (about six months)
85 percent get pregnant within 12 cycles (about one year)
91 percent get pregnant within 36 cycles (about three years)
93 to 95 percent get pregnant within 48 cycles (about four years)

If you want to know more about what your body is doing and times of the month to try, then look into reading the book Taking Charge of Your Fertility (TCOYF) or read the steps on fertilityfriend.com about temping and charting.

RockABye · January 2014

Take a deep breath. I'd give anything to be only 5 months in!! Remember, for a normal healthy couple with GOOD timing, it can take up to a year to get pregnant. Don't stress just yet. Are you charting your temps? If not, definitely go to fertilityfriend.com and take their tutorials and start charting if you're that desperate to get pregnant. It's really easy and will definitely help you in regards to timing. Don't freak out. I understand that desperate feeling for a baby... we've been trying over 5 years with no success, so I get it. It sucks.

Just take a deep breath and don't freak out yet. If you get to 9-12 months of TTC with no success, get a referral to an RE and start basic testing if it'll put your mind at ease. GL

mrsbrouchoud · January 2014

I appreciate you all so much, and I realize that I shouldn't be worrying when so many others have not luck after so many years, so thank you for listening to my freak out. It's just hard to not feel stressed about this, and I need to talk to my DH about not putting so much pressure on me and adding to how stressed I feel about this. I have gotten the advice of using OPK's and don't understand why DH is so against them. Any one else have this issue?

sgautschi · January 2014

I think for some men that it's too much pressure for them. I never let DH know I was using OPKs. He just wanted me to tell him when to DTD and that was all the info he wanted. If I needed support or had a specific question, I came here. DH wasn't the supportive type when it came to TTC, even though he wanted to have a baby. If that makes sense.

TTC was less stressful when I just told him what to do. Lol

seahorse01 · January 2014

sgautschi said:

I think for some men that it's too much pressure for them. I never let DH know I was using OPKs. He just wanted me to tell him when to DTD and that was all the info he wanted. If I needed support or had a specific question, I came here. DH wasn't the supportive type when it came to TTC, even though he wanted to have a baby. If that makes sense.

TTC was less stressful when I just told him what to do. Lol

Same here- I didn't let him know when I was using them either. I also tried to remember to engage in sex outside of the fertile window.

nfp147 · January 2014

Welcome!

I'm really sorry that you are not being supported, especially by your husband. I can't imagine going through infertility (I hope you don't) without each other's support. I just hate seeing women on here who aren't supported by their husbands and can't get them to go for testing etc.

I would have a chat with him about the pressure and what also sounds like insensitivity.

It's easier said than done, but try not to stress too much and try to enjoy TTC!

mrsvedo · January 2014

mrsbrouchoud said:

I'm sorry to dump on you ladies, but I just don't have any other outlet at this point. I'm just so frustrated and I feel like my body hates me. I just can't seem to get pregnant. And, it's so hard because everyone is like, "Oh, you'll get pregnant as soon as you go off the pill." Also, doesn't help that my husband is like, "So are we ever going to have kids?" I'm like, uh hello? You have the easy part. I've asked my OB things that I can do to help and I've talked to DH about the things she said, but he like won't try them and said we don't need them. He also doesn't want me to talk to any of my friends/relatives who have children already as he feels like we don't need any help, I can do this on my own. I can't talk to my sister, as she is too pre-occupied planning her wedding and is being completely insensitive about the whole thing (she doesn't care for my husband much) and my mom just calls me a drama queen about everything. Oye. I was just reaching out to some patient, caring ladies here that can hopefully lend a caring, listening ear and maybe help me. I really want to be a mom and I'm just really hating my body right now. Thank you for listening.

Welcome! I'm sorry you're so frustrated. It sounds like we've been trying for about the same amount of time (I've been trying since my birthday in August, so 5 months as well) and so I know that it can *seem* like a long time but in the grand scheme of things really isn't that long at all.

The bolded part in your post above stuck out to me. DH's job is exactly as hard as yours is if you're truly going into this as a team. It sounds like he's frustrated and worried too. I'd recommend sitting down with him and having a heart to heart about how both of you are feeling at this point in your TTC journey and what steps you're both comfortable with to continue on.

Stick around! These ladies are awesome and full of great advise!

LuckyAngel07 · January 2014

mrsbrouchoud said:

I appreciate you all so much, and I realize that I shouldn't be worrying when so many others have not luck after so many years, so thank you for listening to my freak out. It's just hard to not feel stressed about this, and I need to talk to my DH about not putting so much pressure on me and adding to how stressed I feel about this. I have gotten the advice of using OPK's and don't understand why DH is so against them. Any one else have this issue?

My DH was very against OPKs at first also (and "at first" was about 6/7 months in). He was very much of the mindset that he just wanted to let whatever was going to happen, happen. (I didn't tell him I was starting to use them, but he "found" them in the trash and was really put off by the idea of timing ST because the sticks told us to.)

I let him have the no OPKs, and told him I was planning on starting to temp then, so I could try to figure out around when I actually ovulated; I told him temping won't tell me until after I ovulate, so there's no extra pressure on him to have ST because I know ahead of time I'm ovulating.

I let him come to terms with trying more in his own time, and it made a world of difference in how we approached it and the support I had.

If you want to, start temping. He doesn't need to know you're temping, and if he asks about it, you can tell him you're just trying to learn more about your cycles (you might actually O a few days earlier or later than you think you do, in which case you could entirely miss your FW if you're not timing ST around it). Also make sure you both try to engage each other outside your FW, so sex doesn't become just about making a baby.

nightmare_of_beauty · January 2014

First, I am sorry you are having a hard time. It is perfectly normal especially when people are saying that to you. I think all of us have had it said to us.

Like everyone else said. It does take time. OPKs and temping are a great way to know what is going on with your body and to have a better understanding. He doesn't need to know and if you do feel like explaining, just follow what Lucky said, it's just for an understanding of your body. Every single body is different.

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