Is this common?

BruinsBabe33 · January 2014

We are going to a friend's wedding in a few months and they don't have a registry. They are asking for donations for their honeymoon for wedding gifts and donations for their wedding for the shower. Is this acceptable now? Or is this out of the norm. I feel kind of awkward about it, but I suppose they could have just charged a wedding and used wedding money towards it anyway and the same with the honeymoon. It just seems a bit forward to me. What do you think?

cinderin · January 2014

My cousin has a "honeymoon" registry (asking for money). I don't like it. I think she should have a regular registry and if she wants a honeymoon/money one in addition, that's ok.

For a shower, I think it is NOT ok to just ask for money. The point is to be showered with gifts. Not "come to a party and give me cash". It doesn't sound fun as a guest and would make me uncomfortable.

nfp147 · January 2014

We registered at a couple of places and used a website that listed some gifts that we would use cash towards (like restaurants we planned to go to on our honeymoon, etc). In our group of friends, cash is very much the norm for wedding gifts.

However, I disagree with asking for cash for a shower.

ETA: I re-read your post. Asking for money at the shower to help them pay for the wedding is beyond tacky. I'm a strong believer in only having the wedding you can afford.

LooneyLife · January 2014

I remember it being mentioned often on The Nest. It was generally considered a no-no etiquette wise, but it was definitely popular.

That being said, I've never been asked to donate to any type of fund in my circle of friends.

Mustard76 · January 2014

Ditto @LooneyLife. I've heard that it's poor etiquette, but it has never come up in my circle. Where I come from, it's pretty customary to give cash, so no one I know has ever requested it outright.

Aimothy · January 2014

I give cash at most weddings I go to. But that's because I made that choice.

I am not a fan of saying, "I can't afford my honeymoon, so will you give me the cash to go?"

I would definitely buy a set of towels and call it good.

poppies717 · January 2014

No. No. No.
I ALWAYS give cash at weddings, but I think it's incredibly tacky to ask for money in any way. Plus, it's easier to carry a card with a check in it than lug around a set of plates.
When we planned our wedding, I lurked on the Etiquette board on The Knot, and the general consensus was that it's in poor taste. Emily Post also writes that it's not okay. I don't think etiquette has changed much in that regard in 4 years.
I can't believe they are having a shower without a registry (as in, I'm horrified, not that I don't believe you!). I'd go with a gift card to Macy's, BB&B, or C&B and call it a day. I like Aimothy's suggestion of towels, too.

amandaf6383 · January 2014

I think it's in extremely poor taste to flat out ask for money. Especially "donations" to pay for the wedding. Just have a smaller wedding if you can't afford the one you're planning!!

I always give a gift at the shower, cash at the wedding. But if I anyone straight out demanded something, I would be tempted to do the opposite because I'm beeotchy like that.

aggiebug · January 2014

Ha wow. How horribly tacky. I am ambivalent about honeymoon registries but donations at a shower for the wedding is a hell no in my book.

I don't get why people feel the need to have a huge lavish wedding if you can't afford it. There is no correlation between size of wedding and length of marriage (although maybe a negative correlation).

brij2006 · January 2014

Etiquette wise, that's considered a no-no. I would just get her a gift card for the shower, and cash for the wedding.

LuckyAngel07 · January 2014

I'm with everyone else. I've heard of the popularity of "honeymoon" registries going up lately, so I'm not so bugged about that, but asking for "donations" toward the wedding at your bridal shower?! Completely classless.

I'd definitely give a GC at the shower to one of the places Poppies suggested. If they have an actual page set up for the honeymoon registry, I wouldn't have a problem giving toward that. If they don't, I'd probably just give cash/a check in a card at the wedding.

ILoveRedVino · January 2014

I've never heard of donations for a wedding. Weird.

I think honeymoon registries are common, and even just asking for $ (I've seen paypal accounts where wedding guests can donate money to go towards a first house). Just because they're common though, doesn't mean they aren't tacky.

FutureMrsWright2012 · January 2014

UO: I got a lot of flack on TK for having a honeymoon registry, but in my defense, I did not include info about it with the invitations (people asked) and I didn't not have a shower because DH and I live together for 3 years before getting married (didn't need all that "stuff"). Our friends and family seemed to think it was a good idea, although I agree that if they thought it was tacky, I probably would have never been told. That being said, I definitely do not agree with requesting cash donations for gifts at your shower to pay for your wedding. Don't have one if you don't need/want to be "showered" with actual gifts.

rccola1981 · January 2014

I think I'd give a book about budgeting and living within ones' means as a shower gift in this situation...okay not really but it seems in very poor taste to assume you'll gain enough off a shower for your wedding.

sgautschi · January 2014

I think the honeymoon registry is fine if it's just in addition to a regular registry, but not as an only registry.

The cash/donation at the shower thing is just beyond tacky though...

ecinereb · January 2014

I know honeymoon registries are getting really popular and I usually give money as a wedding gift anyways but asking for it as a shower or wedding gift isn't cool.

lfk2013 · January 2014

For our wedding, we had both. We had a couple registries for gift ideas and we also had a honeymoon registry in case people wanted to buy us a "memory" instead of a bowl that may only get used once...or maybe even returned. I actually had a few of my close friends and family ask about that so they didn't have to lug a big gift across the country. I did lurked on TK while planning and while I understand that Emily Post says it's a no-no, she wrote her etiquette book in the early 20th century. Things change. Some things I did try to follow, but some of her etiquette just wasn't our style.

But hell to the no for asking for money to pay for the wedding. That is really tacky. Also, making your guests pay for their own drinks (even soda). Nope.

BruinsBabe33 · January 2014

I don't agree with either, but I'm kind of like I was going to spend the money anyway. I won't not give to them because I find it to be in poor taste. I just didn't know if it was something that was becoming popular.

aggiebug · January 2014

I love the idea of giving them a book on budgeting like @rccola1981 suggested. I know it wasmeant in jest but seriously sounds lik they need it. We actually got the total money makeover from our pastor before our wedding so with a gift card bookmark could be a perfect gift.

Is this common?

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